Row 61 Seats A & B
by Kizmet The Khaleesi
Summary: Bella Swan, 18,virgin, learns about lust in a dark cinema with a beautiful stranger.What does she teach him? Varied lemons acted or reminisced about.Not suitable for the faint hearted. There is a plot!Warning Jasper and Alice very OOC. Not cookie cutter.M.Beta'd by Mandee,from Utah. I'd have no idea how far is not too far for American readers if not for her guidelines.
1. Chapter 1

**Row 61 Seats A&B**

**A/N. If you have read my other stories, you know they are M for lemons, language and violence sometimes. This is different. Its another challenge issued to me. Edward and Bella have to have sex before knowing each other. (You people are sick)(Luckily I am too).So it may be tacky and smutty and not to your taste. But you have been warned.I love challenges, pm me if you have one. I have been challenged to write slash also. I am considering if I can.(It wont be in this story).**

Chapter One

The first time?

The first time I was ever touched by a boy was when I was in my last year of High School. It was chance, an accident almost.

I had been running late, I was supposed to meet my friends at the cinema at 8pm. We hadn't booked in advance and were planning to all buy our tickets together but Charlie, my dad, decided today of all days to lecture me on keeping my virginity for 'the right boy' and as he rambled on, my bus left. I hurried out as soon as I could, having sworn not to give myself to any random strangers, and waited impatiently for the next bus.

The irony still amuses me.

I was sitting on the bus, wondering what the hell my father was thinking. I was a straight A student. I had never kissed a boy, held hands with a boy,or played 7 minutes in Heaven at a party, (Well, the one time I had, I made Mike Newton sit as far away from me as possible and refused to let him even touch my hand, let alone anything else, under threat of telling Charlie.)

I was as pure as possible.I was a rare species, an 18 year old virgin.

Why did he think I would allow any boy to touch me there, let alone take my virginity?

He was clearly mad. Or, as it turned out, psychic.

I raced into the cinema and the foyer was empty now, the movie had started.

I asked if there were any seats left and the woman behind the glass checked her computer screen.

"No, sorry."

My face dropped. I had waited for months for this movie to come out. I read the books in the series a dozen times and imagined the characters in my head and now the movie was here, for one advance screening only, and my friends were all inside and I, the biggest fan, was going to miss it.

It would be back in a few months for a longer run, but it would be spoiled for me. They would all talk about it and gush over the leading man and I would sit and scowl at them.

She saw my face and looked around, checking nobody could overhear.

"There is one seat but we are not supposed to let anyone have it. The owners son and daughter have two seats reserved permanently. The seats are by themselves right at the back corner, they used to be for movie critics back when they actually had to go to a cinema to view the movie so the seats are isolated, situated above the entry. The son is here but the daughter snuck off with her boyfriend. I could maybe ask the son if it was okay if you sat there with him."

She spoke hesitantly, like she regretted telling me already.

"Please ask him" I begged."Any other movie I wouldn't care but this one is special to me. If he says no, then fine. But ask. Please. Pretty please."

I threw my best begging face at her and held my hands in prayer and she stood and walked inside. I waited, hopping from one foot to the other.I straightened my short, pleated plaid skirt and button fronted blouse, making sure they were tidy and in place after the run from the bus stop.

She was back in minutes, a smile on her face.

"He said its fine. That's not like him, he is usually so moody and protective of his personal space. I almost backed out of asking."

"Thank you so much" I gushed."I truly appreciate this."

She walked me past the many tiered rows of seats on the left hand side, up the outside aisle to the very back and indicated the spare seat to the right hand side. There were no other rows in front, just the open space above the ramp where the patrons walked inside.

The boy sat facing the front, ignoring us completely. I sat down and glanced his way, wondering if I should thank him.

He looked at me, his face cold and empty, so I decided to shut up.

He was stunningly gorgeous and I watched through my curtain of hair, noting his chiselled jaw and perfectly straight nose, and his wild hair that stuck out every which way. He looked kind of familiar.

Of course! Edward Cullen. He went to my school but he never sat in the cafeteria, he sat in the students lounge that was reserved for the few elite students our small school had. In fact, I think he and his sister and brother and his girlfriend were the only ones allowed in there. His brother was massive, head of the school football team. His name was Em something. Emrys? Emlin? Emmett. Yes, Emmett. And Edward had a twin sister. Alice Cullen. I had spoken to her a couple of times but she hung out with Jasper Whitlock, the school student voted most likely to make it big in the music scene later in life. He played guitar and wrote his own songs and stuff, and he was hands down, the sexiest boy alive.

I couldn't recall why all three Cullens were in the same Senior year as Emmett was older than the twins. He must have been held back. He had a girlfriend who, I swear, they modelled Barbie dolls on. Rosalie Hale. Head cheerleader. She never spoke to us mere mortals and she spent her breaks in the lounge as well. Jasper never did, which meant Alice didn't either.

I knew very little about them and had never spoken to either boy.

The trailers for future movies were finally over and I held my breath in anticipation as the main feature started. God, the leading man was gorgeous! I stifled a squeal and wished I was sitting with Jess and Lauren, who were, no doubt, sighing and crushing over this actor and I wanted to be there with them. They would be calling dibs, as if either would ever get within miles of him, and Mike and Eric would be suggesting the actor was gay, no doubt. Their permanent come back when us girls fancied any male other than them.

The movie plot was fairly deep and I had my eyes glued to the screen so when I felt a hand touch my thigh, I jumped and barely stopped myself screaming out in shock.

I looked down, at Edward Cullens long fingers as they sat on my leg and then looked at his face. He was still facing the screen, not a single movement indicating it was even his hand.

I wondered what to do. He had let me sit here, he didn't have to. Did I owe him a hand on my thigh for that?

I turned back to the movie, undecided if I should just walk out, but then I would miss this show.

Darn.

Bloody Charlie.

The scene was of the main character and his leading lady, laying together in a field and he was kissing her and touching her leg, much as mine was being touched, without the kissing. I stared at the screen and tried to ignore his hand and get back into the movie.

I felt his fingers move lower, to the hem of my skirt. Phew. Lower was fine. Then, as I relaxed, they slid under my skirt and inched higher.

I held my breath and looked at Edward Cullen.

He was staring at me, no expression on his face.

Silently daring me to run, I suppose.

I looked away again and felt the fingers go higher and he rubbed along the elastic on the lower edge of the leg of my panties, back and forth, back and forth. I felt a new sensation, my ladies bits were suddenly damp and I froze, hoping he hadn't noticed. My panties were probably quite wet. His fingers slid between my legs and then he hooked them inside my panties and I knew I had seconds to stand and run or give permission, by my staying, for him to touch me. Intimately.

I admit, I had always been curious, why did girls allow their boyfriends to play inside their panties? Jess allowed just about any boy who wanted to, to feel her up. She said it was harmless fun and did not make her a tramp. Lauren had been a long time girlfriend of Tyler Crowley and she said she missed his hands more than just being with him. I guess if I stay, some of my questions will be answered.

Edward leaned close to me and for a minute, I thought he was going to kiss me but he aimed for my ear and whispered "Don't make a sound, just nod if you want me to do this."

I stared open mouthed at him, then nodded and turned away.

He moved his fingers away from my private areas, to my hip and I felt him tug my panties down. To my shame, I slightly raised myself so he could remove them out of the way. He pulled them to above my knees but still hidden by my skirt.

I was shivering in anticipation and opened my legs wider, blushing madly at my boldness. His fingers found my wetness and stroked along my folds, then pushed inside them. It felt nice, warming, my bits were tingling and I hoped he would stroke a little harder. He pushed two fingers inside me and I paled at the feeling. Nobody had ever been in there before. He started bringing them out then plunged back in and his palm touched my clit, I was aware I had one but it had never been touched like this. It was getting warm and swollen and needy. I could hear my own breathing getting louder and somewhat shaky and was glad nobody else was seated nearby. I realized my eyes had closed and I was drowning in the sensations, bucking into his hand . He read my mind and started to stroke me harder, and lights started to dance behind my eyelids.

More, more, chanted my body. and I forgot where I was and that there were other people here, even if they weren't near us and in my mind, I saw his face watching me and it turned me on even more. I opened one eye and he was looking at me but whereas I had imagined he would watch my lower regions, he was watching my face intently, and his eyes were bright and hooded and he seemed to be enjoying this as much as I was. Maybe not. A wave of pleasure caused me to shake and I knew something was going to happen and he leaned in closer and started to hum in my ear and then he caught my earlobe between his teeth and gently bit down. The sensation shot straight between my legs, and the contrast of pleasure and pain threatened to overwhelm me.

His fingers were making my body want to sing, and wave after wave of warmth flowed over me, through me, drawing me deep underwater then back to the surface. I both wanted it to end and to go on forever. I felt things start to peak and he suddenly slowed. No, I screamed in my head. He chuckled at my expression and slowly teased me, drawing his fingers along my slit but not putting them back inside.

"Do you want more, do you want my fingers back inside you?"

I bit my lower lip and nodded my head frantically.

"Do you want me to make you come, now?"

I blushed and nodded again. There was no limit to my lust now.

He smiled and slid his long, cool, fingers back inside. The plunging started again, in and out, the warmth built up again and my ears started to ring. I wanted to shout and scream in delight as my walls began to shudder and shake and he sought a particularly sensitive area deep inside, turning his fingers in a scissoring move and hitting the spot over and over ,and things happened. My stomach tightened, my thighs started to shake and a tidal wave washed over my lower region. I gasped and suddenly his mouth was over mine, more to keep me quiet I imagined, but once there, he thrust his tongue inside and I felt it with my own and sucked on it. He moaned really faintly in my mouth and I only broke the kiss when I saw black spots and feared blacking out. Wow.

Both my mouth and my ladies parts were vibrating with pleasure and I took in a large breath to calm my racing heart.

Edward Cullen took his hand away, after pulling my underwear back up and he whispered in my ear "Saturday night. Same time. Same seat. No panties." He reached in his pocket and handed me a ticket. It was laminated and had Alice Cullen's name on it.

I needed to think about this, Did I want to experience this again? Yes, I did. Was this wrong and lustful? Yes and yes. Would I be here? Most definitely.

I took the ticket and slid it in my purse.

The lights came on and I saw the movie was over, people were standing and stretching. Edward Cullen stepped over my legs and was gone, never looking back at me as I watched him go.

I stood and discreetly rearranged my clothes to order and headed down the aisle. Jess and Lauren were in the Ladies Bathroom when I went in.

"Bella, you did make it. We waited for ages but we had to buy tickets before they sold out. We didn't know if you were coming."

"Its fine. I got the last seat, back row." I answered, before they asked me specifically where I had sat.

"Come on, the boys want to go to get a burger" said Lauren and I hastily took care of my ablutions and left behind them.

I was lost in a daze all evening and was glad to go home and lay in bed and think about what had happened.

Well, I do know now why girls like boys feeling them up. That was amazing, what he did to me, what he made my body feel. And I had even finally been kissed. And no closed mouth, chaste first kiss, either. Tongue. Jess and Lauren would love to hear this story but somehow I think it would be all over the school first thing tomorrow so I hadn't told them anything.

Jess rang me later that night, chatting about how she and Mike had decided to give it another go, and she described every kiss and touch he had bestowed on her after they dropped me off at my place and headed off to park in the edge of the forest for a little 'alone' time.

She told me how he had kissed her breasts and sucked on her nipples and for the first time, instead of being grossed out, I was actually interested. I even wondered how I could get Edward Cullen to do that to me. I thought through all the clothes in my wardrobe and tried to see what would have the best access.

God, I was a tart. Just like that. One evening with a boy I didn't even know, and he had me planning for our next encounter and also looking forward to moving things along further.

That was the first night I dreamed about Edward Cullen.

x x x x x x x

Next morning I was up and showered and in a really good mood. I smiled and kissed my dad on the cheek as I made his breakfast and I found myself singing as I waited for Jess to collect me.

At school, I walked towards class and past the student lounge, just as Edward Cullen walked out the door with his brother, Emmett who was holding hands with Rosalie. For the first time, I was glad we had to wear a uniform as Edward in black slim fit trousers and white button shirt not fully buttoned to the top, with his tie half undone, looked stunning. His hair was so soft and wavy, almost golden with copper highlights, and it flopped over his forehead a little. His intense green emerald eyes were unique, the color of a shallow stretch of sea in Hawaii. I stared at his build, subtly muscled, tall, and almost lanky but his hard, chiselled abs showed through the thin shirt, and made me want to touch him.

He glanced at me but his face betrayed no sign that he even recognised me, and I walked on away, feeling kind of betrayed and dirty. Suddenly last night seemed cheap and tawdry. Was this really something I wanted to repeat? My head firmly said NO and lectured me on keeping myself pure as possible until marriage or at least, until I had an actual boyfriend.

The dampness that soaked my panties said something else entirely.

**OKAY, shall I continue or is it too smutty? There could be a plot even . Review with a yay or nay. I don't care if it stands as a one shot.**


	2. Chapter 2

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter Two

EDWARD's POV

Hi,my name is Edward Cullen and I am a sex addict.

A recovering sex addict.

We hope.

It's been over two years since I touched a female, not by my choice mind you, and I don't miss it at all. Don't miss touching their sweet, warm pussies or their eager little clits or their beautiful, round soft breasts that jiggle and shake above me as their owner rides me cowgirl style.

Yeah, those kind of thoughts will get me right back where I started.

Group therapy..let's just agree it didn't work for me. Listening to other 'addicts' talk about their addiction was just making it necessary for me to have to visit the bathroom every five minutes to, uh, relieve my pain. The images in my head as they whined about what they had given up, well they didn't help.

My father, Carlisle, pulled me out as soon as he realized how eager I was to attend. I guess I made it a little obvious. The first session was on a Saturday morning and he told me I was attending on the Monday so I spent the rest of the week trying to get out of going. I had too much homework, I was already seeing a therapist and was scared to get conflicting information from the group, I had a migraine, I was turning into a vampire and couldn't go out in the daylight.

None of these worked so I was almost literally dragged along by my very pissed off father, who walked me to the door and then sat out in the car, watching the only exit so I couldn't sneak off early to treat my migraine or drink blood or whatever.

Little did he know, once I got in there and heard the stories the other addicts shared, I was hooked. It was kind of like listening to porn. I could imagine these women as each member described the bad, addictive actions they had indulged in and, yeah, it gave me a few new ideas.

Not quite what my father was aiming for. When I walked out, chatting to a fellow addict and asking him if he had the contact details for the feisty redhead who had sucked him off under his desk at work every morning before he reformed, I think I blew my cover.

I had experienced a little bit of trouble at my expensive Catholic school, namely skipping class in favor of sessions in the janitors closet, and then the final straw.

What can I say, she was as eager as I was and how the heck was I supposed to know she was the Headmasters daughter? Come on, she should have been forced to get a tattoo across her forehead saying "Hands Off" or something. It was entrapment.

My brother Emmett pointed out to me that her surname, Poindexter, was not a very common surname and the Headmaster did have that same surname so there was my clue but who asks names when a hot piece of ass walks past and whispers in your ear that she has a problem she needs help with and lifts her skirt dangerously high to readjust her stockings?

I was raised to help women in distress and she was rather distressed. Must have been, she was moaning and screaming loudly five minutes later when I tried to cure her ills. Might have been what alerted the Head that his daughter was in that closet being fucked by me.

We were both expelled, I think she was sent to a nunnery or something, all I can say is, it better have had locks like Fort Knox because she was not the kind of girl to turn over a new leaf and become Daddy's little A grade student.

Carlisle was..what's the word...you know, really pissed , and bright purpley red in the face and angry and yeah, his fists were twitching, I think he was pretty close to hitting me for the first time in my life. Esme, my mom, she was disappointed in me and sad and I was ashamed but what could I do? I wasn't the fucker who put a million gallons of hormones in my system. That was Mother Nature and she may have given me someone else's share as well, by mistake. Or a small countries share.

Tell me how to walk around all day ignoring a fucking iron hard dick that twitches at every girl who walk past me and concentrate on my studies?

Emmett hated Chicago anyway so he didn't care when Dad uprooted the family and moved us to Seattle but there was a small incident...like I said, if you are the daughter , or wife, of anyone important, like a Police Chief or the Mayor, get a tattoo, ladies. And get this, why the fuck was a 60 year old Mayor married to a 25 year old hot piece of ass? Isn't that like pedophilia or something? She was safer with me, well not safer but at least we liked the same music. Probably. Subject never came up.

So, last chance, Edward, if this doesn't work you will be going to military school so keep it in your pants and learn some respect for women.

Yes father, I shall.

Actually, it was my mother who made me want to change. When we packed and prepared to leave Seattle for some piddling Godforsaken backwood town, scratch that, not enough people there to be a town, I noticed my Mom put her suitcases into her car and not the family Merc and the look on her face, the tears and the sadness as she looked at me, I suddenly realized, she wasn't coming with us. She had reached her final straw, and it was all my fault. I was breaking up a marriage of over 25 years.

Selfish bastard.

I begged her to change her mind and she just cried and shook her head and told me she needed a little break from the constant drama and shame and upheaval and she wanted to visit her folks for a bit.

Thats how I gave it all up cold turkey.

I wanted her to forgive me and come back home. Dad was, of course, blaming me, Emmett was ignoring me and pretending I didn't exist, and we were moving to a Hellhole with 3,000 other unlucky inhabitants to spend our lives in the rain and mist and clouds. It cured one problem, no bikini clad bimbos at the beach tempting me. The girls here are scantily clad if they restrict their clothes to jeans and a throat hugging collared shirt and a sweater. And boots, don't forget the boots, not even a slither of bare ankle to turn me into a raging, hormone overloaded sex maniac.

I wondered if that was why my father chose this place. No skin on show, that might calm his lust.

The house was large and white and empty without my Mom. Carlisle became the Head of the local hospital and I became a leper, outcast by my own brother.

Our sister attended a boarding school from the first 'incident', my mom didn't want Alice traumatized by my behavior and didn't want my shenanigans spoiling her life so I have literally ripped our family apart.

Dad got me back into therapy and it helped, at least I could talk to one person who didn't look at me with eyes reflecting that I was a complete stuff up and like I killed his puppy. I don't know if therapy helps, I mean, what's the difference between a normal seventeen year old boy and me? They all think about sex every seven seconds, I just follow through more often than most. If I were a movie star or a rock star, people would high 5 me for my antics. Oh yeah, that Cullen, he goes through women like water, he is a real stud.

But, being a high school student means I have to reign it in and graduate and become the star before I can indulge so I am waiting it out and let's say, the girls in this school are not that tempting anyway.

My father arranged for Emmett and I to be able to use a private 'student lounge"..I imagine some teacher lost her private study thanks to us, and it keeps me away from temptation of which there is very little from what I have seen.

Sure, there are some skanks, and in normal circumstances I would be balls deep in their pussies or asses, but none are so tempting as to cause me any loss of sleep. As the saying goes.

I rarely do sleep in fact. I sit alone at night in my bedroom on the third level and listen to cd's or play my acoustic guitar quietly through the night, and miss my Mom and wonder why this happened to me.

Emmett went through puberty in Chicago the year before me and he didn't turn sex crazed. He had 'special' girlfriends and at one point, he was doing two girls at the same time, I mean, he was dating them both and sleeping with them both, separately, and my dad knew and didn't crack a shit over it, much. He pulled him into his study and lectured him on respecting women and shit, and Emmett dropped one of the girls and went monogamous after that but he was getting plenty.

His girlfriend was sneaking in his window at night and I lay in my bed in the room next to his, listening to him and her and it stirred the juices and introduced my hand to my dick. Her moans were like the highlight of my night. I could imagine it was me in her, and I couldn't wait to find myself a girlfriend too.

The first girl I dated, I admit, I chose because she got around. A lot. She was famous for her blow job skills and her free attitude to sex, as in, if you wanted to fuck her, get in line. So, I kind of figured she was my kind of girl and I 'dated' her by joining the line leading to her bed and she taught me everything she knew.

A lot.

She gave me an A+ too. Said I was a quick learner and the best student she had ever coached. Then her sister saw me and invited me into her room to talk, so suddenly I was visiting their house a lot and going from one bedroom to the other and you know how it goes, their girlfriends came around and before long, I had a line up of my own. Girls who liked my 'pretty' face and bedroom hair and slim build. I think they may have had a thing for my dick, too. Just a guess. It got quite a workout, and the only problem was my Mom, always asking me to invite Tanya home for dinner , to meet the family. Tanya would have assumed she was invited to bang Emmett and Carlisle as well if I told her she was invited.

I therefore 'broke up' with her and found myself a girl who just had a large appetite for sex so she could be the girlfriend I took home but it was torture, watching her open her little red mouth to eat whatever Esme served, and her tongue would lick her lips and get that last drop of sauce, and my dick would be fighting its way out of my zipper so nights with the rents were short, polite events followed by a couple of hours at the Youth Group, or as some may call it, the back seat of my first car.

Then the first incident happened, well the first one where I got caught, and by the way, art teachers, they can be hot. Let me tell you...

Maybe some other time.

These days I sit in the private students lounge and eat my lunches and study and do my assignments and pretend there are no vaginas in the immediate vicinity.

Alice left her boarding school where she was happy just to come here and play mother to us all in Esme's absence, and I would feel really bad except she met her soul mate, Jasper Whitlock, the first day and walked up to him and kissed him, right there in front of everyone, and he kissed her back and called her "Darlin' " with his Texas drawl and that was it.

Alice was grateful to me for bringing her here.

Emmett took out his hate of me in sports and became the football team's best player and so, in a way , I helped him too. He met the Head Cheerleader, Rose, and was in her pants in a flash and that was it for him. No more parties unless Rose was on his knee, no eyefucking every girl in school, he was under the thumb in no time at all. And loving it. He forgave me my sins because of Rose, and I settled down and just felt excluded and wished I had it in me, what they have in them. The ability to have actual feelings for a girl.

I don't know why I have none. Maybe the area of my brain where feelings usually reside was taken over by my extra load of testosterone.

I just don't see girls the way most normal men do. I see the rack and the ass and the lips and thats about it, really. the other bits, the eyes , the face, the soul, they don't matter to me.

Until they do, I guess I stay in therapy. Or until I become a star and it doesn't matter any more.

My hobby here is people watching and I sort the girls I watch into skanks (sub category :obvious ), skanks (sub category : subtle), skanks in training, future skanks, and the "others".

The "others" are the ones who seem to ignore the boys and band together and have fun without dick being involved. They kind of fascinate me. Fancy living without sex and not caring. You would think that was a non life but some of these girls seem quite happy.

The sub categories for Others are: Lesbians, Lesbians who don't know they are lesbians yet, and the Mysteries.

Bella Swan is a Mystery.

I noticed her because she has a great rack, has a tight, firm ass, and a slim, attractive body. She also has a beautiful face. Its probably the first time I have noticed a face, past the lips.

She has these big brown eyes and her skin is like porcelain and her hair, God, her hair. I relax on days when she sticks it up in a messy bun, only that exposes her neck, so thats a bit of a problem. But not as much as when she leaves it flowing down her back and it sways side to side as she walks, and you can see the hints of mahogany shining in the sun.

I put her into my Untouchables file, because even though they are all untouchable, she is very untouchable.

She is a girl who needs the tattoo.

Daddy Police Chief.

With a gun.

With an itchy trigger finger from what I have seen.

I allow myself to observe her but I never, ever speak to her. In the whole two years we have been here, I have never spoken one word to her.

She is firstly, danger and secondly, so out of my class its laughable that she would even answer if I did speak.

She is obviously chaste, she reacts strongly if a boy so much as places his hand on her shoulder, as Mike Newton knows well. I watch that douche touch her whenever he can, He is always so close he has to brush against her to get past, and she jumps away like he is on fire, and if he places his hand on her at all, she grabs it and tosses it away and yells at him.

He doesn't give up.

He wants her.

I know what a guy who wants a woman looks like and he wants her.

Bad luck for him.

She doesn't want him.

At all.

She only looks at one guy like she has any lustful feelings ever and they are brief and then hidden back away. If I didn't watch her all the time, I would miss these flashes.

She wants Jasper Whitlock.

My weekends are spent playing sport, to give my body an outlet for the build up of frustration, and attending the local cinema which my father says he bought it because it rains so much, people have to go somewhere and thus its a good investment. I swear, he bought it because it has two critics seats away from the other seats and he still insists on sending Alice to babysit me to make sure I don't grope the staff.

Heidi approaches me and asks if some girl who didn't get a ticket can sit in Alice's seat because Alice accidentally on purpose ran into Jasper and they have snuck off for a few hours while I alibi her. I owe Alice, she washes and cleans and cooks for us sorry bastards. We would all be dirty, naked anorexics but for her.

I am about to refuse when Heidi says the magic words.

"I wouldn't ask, but Bella has been looking forward to seeing this movie so much."

Bella.

Only one Bella in Forks.

I would like to sit beside Bella.

Sample the bouquet without tasting the wine.

I agree she can sit here and Heidi brings her in.

I try to ignore her but she sings to me.

Her body is like a drug and I fight but my hand doesn't obey.

Its on her thigh and she doesn't leave.

Its under her skirt and still she stays.

Its fondling parts I haven't touched for two years.

Two fucking long lonely years.

I tell her to nod if its okay because I know I am not worthy of a single word from her lips.

I stop breathing.

She nods.

I pull her panties down and my fingers seek the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

She sighs and moves and I am home.

I tease and she nods some more.

She comes on my hand.

I have to go, before I ravish her.

I give her Alice's pass.

I tell her to come back to me Saturday.

I almost run to get away from her because a sample of her is only going to awaken the beast and he will want a whole dose.

I fall off the wagon.

**A/N PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU WANT THIS STORY TO CONTINUE I have had such dramas at ff, this uploaded one line at a time and then disappeared! I only purserveered because so many readers have it on alert so please review as my reward for spending two hours getting this chapter back and up here.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Please review, good or bad, I am going to keep writing this smut only if each chapter gets 10 reviews at least.**

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter 3

Fucking Up

"Why do you think you desire sex so often, Edward?"

Is he fucking kidding me? Why does anyone have sex? Because it fucking feels fucking good. Therefore, the more the merrier.

"Um, because I enjoy it?" I answer, looking a my dimwitted therapist, wondering if it actually takes intelligence to qualify as one of these useless pricks. Maybe they are the failed psychiatrists?

"And why do you enjoy it? Is it an escape from the real world, do you think?"

An escape from the real world? It is the real fucking world, wanker.

"No, I think I enjoy sex because that's what sex is, enjoyment. It's not work, it's not responsibility, it's not obeying your parents, or fitting in with society, it's sex. It's fun. I enjoy fun. Don't you enjoy sex?" I turn the tables on him.

He looks down at me through his nerd glasses.

"Most humans enjoy sex, Edward, but most stick to appropriate sex, with a committed partner."

"So, at 17, I should be, what, married?" I ask.

"No, obviously not but you should be showing some restraint and waiting to enjoy adult pleasures once you are an adult."

"I turn 18 next week. I can legally get married, go to war, buy a business, stand for election, is that adult enough?"

He glares at me. I feel I must have touched a nerve.

"I mean, I could be sent to Iraq and blown to pieces for my country, but I am forbidden from getting into a willing womans pussy? That seems wrong to me, somehow."

He clears his throat and consults the rather bulky folder of notes, sent on to my new therapists each time we move house.

"Have you ever considered being in an actual relationship? Many boys your age are in monogamous relationships and find them very...satisfying."

I think about what he said.

"To me, a relationship is about a lot more than sex, and I don't think I am ready for that yet. I like sex, fuck, I love sex, I love fucking, the women I fuck love fucking, I fail to see the fucking problem."

His phone on his desk buzzes and he excuses himself to take an emergency call.

What, some poor reformed fucker just had a hard on? Send an ambulance, no, a fire truck and hose him down. Don't let him wander off and fall in some womans pussy, for Gods sake.

I look around the room, read his certificates. Sex therapist. Okay, he not only treats addicts, he treats people who avoid sex? Isn't that a conflict of interests? He sits here and tells me not to fuck then the next bloke in, he tells he has to fuck?

Crazy.

I wonder if therapy is just an invention to keep down unemployment.

What else could this wanker do as a career? I wonder if he gets off on listening to his patients stories about the naughty sex they couldn't help but indulge in. I look at him and figure, he is single. No woman could face living with such a pontificating, boring bastard so I assume he wanks for pleasure, so I wonder what he thinks about to get things going? His patients?

Or does listening about sex all day turn you off it? Like working in a chocolate factory. I worked in one once , one Summer break and couldn't face chocolate again for months afterwards.

God, imagine finding sex boring. Then I would need a therapist.

Carlisle is paying this douche a shitload of money to 'cure' me and I wish he would just buy me a prostitute instead. Don't judge me, all I ever get is judged. Prostitutes have sex for money, its their fucking job, or their job fucking, I grin to myself at my joke.

If I have to keep my hands off girls at school and teachers and wives of anyone..hey, tell the bitches they are married, I am not married, I am not the one committing the deadly sin or whatever. If some woman makes a commitment then goes off fucking other men, surely she is the ones who needs therapy?

Maybe I should think about trying to be in a 'relationship' again. If it makes everyone happy and gets my fucking father off my back and gets my mom back home, maybe I can just fuck one chick. But she has to be ready and willing whenever I am and that means, if we can't fuck at school, and this asshole has told me fucking at school is inappropriate, then we need to fuck before school and after school and at night, every fucking night. I wonder if Emmett and Rosalie would go eat in the cafeteria so we could fuck at lunchtime? You know, me and my committed partner? Would that be appropriate? I have given up janitors closets for 2 years now and I used to bloody live in them. I even used to leave my smokes and flask in the one near the music room when I was in the catholic school in Chicago. Its was my home away from home.

Why do they even make janitors closets? Why not one large room with all their crap in one place, and let the janitors carry their supplies from one area to another? Making janitors closets and then expecting students not to fuck in them is ridiculous. What does a man need to have sex? A place. Well, here's a thought, stop providing the perfect places at school if you want us to wait until after school. We have cars, they have backseats. We can wait.

I know that now. Now its been two years since I had any. God, I smell pussy in my sleep nowadays. Especially after my little fingering session with Bella Swan. I don't consider I had sex, I didn't have a release. I gave her one but thats entirely different. If I were an alcoholic and poured someone else a drink, it wouldn't count against me so me getting her off is not me having sex. I am not telling this fucker about that incident anyway. For all I know, she won't turn up tonight and I will be back to my born again virgin status.

He is finally off the phone, he has saved another addict from getting any. How proud must he be, another pussy saved.

"In your past, you have indulged in many inappropriate sexual practices, Edward. Do you feel better about yourself now those days are behind you?"

My mind drifts to the first time I had 'inappropriate sex". I gather he means taking a girl in the ass. Tanya was my teacher and I dropped in one night and she explained, whiningly, that she had her period and didn't like fucking at that time of the month. I was kind of surprised, I didn't think Tanya was ever not up to sex. I was right.

"Edward, would you like to try a little backdoor action?"

I remember wondering what she meant.

Were we going outside, out the back door?

She removed her panties and opened a drawer, handing me a condom and a tube of lube. I was still confused. We were not having sex yet I need a condom?

She lay face down on the bed and propped her ass up and it clicked. Oh, gay sex? Like, sex like men had with other men? Straight guys do that?

I didn't think that would be something I ever wanted to try.

I looked at her and wrinkled my brow.

"Really, Tanya? Guys do that to you? I kind of thought it was more a hobby for shirtlifters."

"Just try it, Edward."

I sat beside her on the bed. I really really wanted to fuck. I wondered if her sister was home.

"God, Edward, I can frigging read you like a book. Kate is not here and Irina doesn't fuck, she likes carpet. If you want to fuck, just put the condom on and lube up and get on with it or get the hell out of here."

The image of Irina carpet munching was turning me on more, I wonder if she allows spectators? I would pay to watch that.

Tanya huffed and opened her drawer and took out a blindfold.

"Here, put this on, you pussy."

I did as she said and she started stroking my already iron hard cock and pulled the condom on. I felt the coldness of the lube over the latex and waited as she spread it along and around me. God, this was good. I could probably come if she kept this up.

"Now, lie down."

She pushed me against the bed and my knees buckled when they hit the side.

"Sit against the bedhead" she ordered.

Next thing I felt her above me, lowering herself down and my cock was pushing inside her.

My freaking God, so freaking tight!

"Okay? Now we are rolling over, hang on."

She was on her hands and knees beneath me and I was above her ass, well, some of me was in her ass. I felt for her warm, smooth cheeks and found I was actually quite getting into this.

"Now, just slow at first, then just imagine you are doggying my pussy."

I complied and the tightness nearly made me come first stroke. I could see why I needed to take it slow. She barely moved so I pulled almost out then back in. Fucking hell.

Amazing. I hoped I would still like pussy after this.

In again and she wriggled, indicating I was to go faster. I heard the buzz of a vibrator and realized, sister was doing it for herself.

Okay.

The vibrations of the plastic device on her clit flowed through her body and made it all the more sensational. I pushed in a little harder and moaned at the feeling. It was different, I don't know if it was better but it was just as good as pussy. God, am I gay? Do I really want ass? My cock was screaming to keep going so I shelved my fears for later and felt her shake as she came and it just urged me on, until my own earth shattering release inside her. I grunted and held still and felt my seed pump in her and fill the space at the end of the condom.

Fuck.

Well, Cullen, you never know what you like until you try it.

I withdrew and lay beside her for a moment, glad I was blindfolded, wishing she was too.

She pulled the mask off my eyes.

"Bathrooms through there."

I stood and walked to the door she indicated and disposed of the rubber. Hoping she didn't mind, I got into her shower and quickly washed myself and thought about what we had just done. I don't think I will share this little adventure with Emmett, in case he decides I am gay, but I really want to know if he has ever done this. If he has, I will feel quite normal again, if he hasn't...geez.

I thought about the best looking boy at school. Did I find him sexy? Attractive? Was I a gay in denial?

I quickly dressed and left. Kate was just coming in the front door as I walked out. I looked at the floor, unable to meet her eyes.

"Hey, Eddie,want to fuck?"

I turned and grabbed her, kissing her face,

"Yes, I want to fuck" I assured her. I had to know.

She was stripped by the time we got to her bed and so was I. I didn't even bother with preliminaries, I had to know. If my dick went limp now, I was screwed.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I remained rock hard and eager as I pushed into her pussy, and no hesitation as I pumped inside her and felt her warm wetness.

"Eddie"' she moaned.

Oh, right, she likes her clit rubbed during sex.

I reached down and massaged her bundle of nerves and felt her tighten and shudder around me. I thrust in and out, faster and harder, feeling the familiar warmth and tightening as my body neared the peak.I jerked inside her as my seed fled my body and it was good and warm and normal.

I wasn't gay.

I loved pussy.

Thank the gods for that.

"Actually, I miss that too." I admitted.

So, no closer to a cure.

Epic fail, doc.

My time was up, thank Christ, and I left after being informed of when my next appointment would be. Next Saturday morning. As usual.

I walked to the car and sat beside my father.

"How did it go, Edward?"

Are you cured yet, Edward, was what I heard.

Judging by the hard on my memories had evoked, I am going to have to disappoint him as usual.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Thanks for the reviews, it figures the story I love and slave over gets the least reviews (Blue Moon, shameless plea for more readers) and this one gets plenty. I guess everyone loves Sexward.**

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter 4

It's Another Saturday Night.

BELLA'S POV

I walked to the cinema doors and then turned and walked away again. I stopped and looked around. Nobody was here that I knew. Was I going to do this?

After Edward blanked me at school, I have avoided him at all costs and as soon as I see that glimpse of copper hair above the other students heads, coming my way, I duck into an empty classroom or a bathroom. God knows, people must think I have a weak stomach or something.

I am so torn. It's no longer about whether this is right or wrong, it's about whether he even sees me as a person. I am starting to think maybe this is just a game and that is okay, it's a game to me too, but the ignoring me at school and blanking me, blanking me!....a smile would have killed him? A 'hi', a wave, anything.

Does he even know who he was feeling up? He had no way of knowing it would be me Heidi asked about, when she asked if I could sit in that seat, so any random girl would have done. That's what I am , a random girl to him but I am a human being.

Is the physical release mind blowing enough to be reduced to a play thing?

I know my mom Renee would be furious if she ever knew I had let a boy, a random boy, not even a boy I was crushing on, touch me like I was just a toy for his pleasure.

Then I thought, his pleasure? He didn't actually get anything out of that.I was the one writhing in pleasure, coming on his fingers. So, why did he do it?

I am so freaking confused.

I stand there and a car pulls up and there he is. Edward Cullen himself. Alice, his sister, gets out and waves at him then runs across the street to where Jasper Whitlock, I now see, is standing.

If there is anyone else I would swap as the seatholder in the cinema, it would be him. Jasper has set my heart racing for years but I have no effect on his heart, sadly. I speak to him now and then, he knows I exist, but he never looks at me unless I am standing there in front of him, talking,and his eyes always dart around, looking for her. Alice. Once they find her, he smiles and relaxes. She is his safe harbor. I doubt the fact that I am female has even registered with him.

I decide, if Edward Cullen looks my way now and acknowledges me in any way, I will go in. I stand where he will have to walk past me to go in the door. If he blanks me, I go home.

I wait and try to act like I have not even seen him, pretending to write a text or read a text or whatever.

He walks past then turns, and he looks in my eyes and smiles this half crooked grin that changes his whole face.

I drop the phone in my purse and follow him in, showing Alice's pass to the usher.

Edward strides ahead, his legs are about twice as long as mine. He sits in his seat and smiles a small, amused smile as I walk towards my seat.

Should I speak? This is not a date, it's a hook up. I decide to follow his lead.

He is sprawled across his seat, his arm along the back of my seat, his legs taking up the space mine would need if they were longer. His jacket is hanging on the back of my seat.

I sit down and he leans over, and whispers in my ear.

"No panties in the way tonight?"

I open my mouth to answer and he places a finger on it.

I shut it again and remember, just nod. I nod.

I sit there staring at him. He is beautiful, there is no doubt about that. I am kind of honored he even wants me in this one basic way. I am aware he could dazzle any girl in school and have them here instead of me.

He just looks in my eyes and smiles and for now, its enough. The hurt I felt at school is gone, maybe he didn't realize it was me. I tell myself that and try to believe it.

He is looking over my body, checking out the outfit I have worn. The halter top is backless because tonight I want him to at least touch my as yet untouched breasts. My nipples harden at the thought and he smirks as he notices. Damn him. Why does he affect me like this? My skirt is full and longish as I was in fear all the way here that the wind would blow it up and reveal my shameful lack of underwear below.

The lights dim and he is closer in a second. He turns me so I am facing slightly away from him, and his hands slide in where I want them, inside my top, cupping and massaging my breasts.

God, the feeling of his long fingers. He strokes then up and down in the confines of the fabric and I wish I could just rip my top off and toss it somewhere, out of his way.

He leans in close as I try to suppress a moan.

"Tell me one thing you want me to do to you tonight. Anything."

Anything?

I long for the feel of his mouth on my nipples, Jess says its incredible. But my lack of panties means my skirt is coping with a serious case of dampness and my ladies parts are in complete envy of my breasts. What if he is only going to do one thing to me?

No, I want my nipples sucked.

I lean in to his ear and feel myself blush furiously. Whore, Bella.

"I want you to put your mouth.." his eyes light up.."on my ..ah..nipples". I can barely say the word.

He looks a little disappointed. Where else would I want his mouth?

The main feature is starting and I am surprised to see it is a movie I do really want to watch. Maybe I will come back tomorrow night with Jess and the gang.

I have a feeling I won't notice anything of the plot tonight. He moves back and I miss the warmth of his hands immediately. He reaches and takes his jacket off my seat and I fear he is leaving. My heart starts to race in panic. What did I say wrong?

He leans in front of me and covers my chest with the jacket which he has put over me, backwards. I can smell his scent on it and I lean down and breath it in. God, my body is so aware of him. He leans over and his head is beneath the jacket and the hand at my back has untied the knot at my neck. My halter top falls down and at last, my skin is exposed to him.

I shiver and feel his warm, wet mouth over my left breast and he sucks my nipple in and flicks it with his tongue.

Okay, if he keeps this up, I will come anyway.

I can feel his mouth slide across my chest to my other breast and he sucks on that nipple next.

Images in my head have us in my bed, only suddenly my bed is much wider and has room for him as well. The image changes to a memory of me watching my aunt breastfeeding my cousin, she had thrown a coat across herself just like this and the baby had been hidden from prying eyes much as Edward is. I almost laugh. I am breastfeeding a, what? Seventeen year old.

After a time, he moves back to the first breast and begins sucking in earnest and my lady parts are squealing silently in delight. I feel his hand slide down and my skirt slide up and his fingers are inside me and he is doing the pumping in and out thing again. I come in seconds, I am so turned on.

He notices and laughs quietly against my breast.

Yeah, well, you shouldn't be as sexy as heck if you want me to take longer.

He kisses my breast then the other breast and pulls his head back out of the hiding place.

He leans in and whispers to me again.

"It didn't take long, you must have really needed that." I feel his smile against my cheek.

I nod.

I needed his touch so badly yet a week ago I never even dreamed of any man touching me like this. Now I feel like I never want him to stop.

He smiles at me as he leans away again and I can't take my eyes off him. He lifts my hand closest to him and places it on his inner thigh. There is a hard bulge there and I blush furiously. Oh God, he wants me to..do something to him. I have no clue what. Jess is always full of details about what Mike does to her but never about what she does to him. I kind of thought I was getting away with not touching him, like last week.

He sees the panic in my face and whispers to me.

"I don't want you to do anything you are not comfortable with. But I either have to leave and take care of this problem myself or I need you to help me. I would much prefer you helping me."

I nod. I want to help him and not only because fair is fair. Because I want him to invite me back next Saturday night and touch me, and I don't want him to leave.

"Are you sure?" he whispers in my ear, his closeness causing my skin to gooseflesh and shudder a little, with desire.

"I have never touched a boy before" i whisper to him."I don't know what to do."

"That is fine, I will show you" he answers.

My stomach clenches. He undoes his button on his jeans and unzips the zip. His thing is right there now, sticking out, I see I am not the only one without underwear.

Penis, Bella. Its a penis. If you are old enough to touch one you are old enough to call it by name, I tell my stupid, immature brain.

I look intently at his, um, penis and am surprised at the size. How the heck could that ever fit inside me? Or, another girl I quickly amend. Not me. He won't be putting that enormous thing inside me. Never. No. Not happening. Why am I even debating this? Why am I seeing images in my brain of him in my bed, above me, leaning closer, pushing between my legs?Oh, my legs are spread wide open in this image. No surprise there. I am a tramp.

I think of the size of a tampon and compare it to his penis. Theres no way in hell that could fit in a woman. It would split her in two.

"Have you ever......" God, I am an idiot. My mouth is talking before my brain filters my thoughts.

"Had sex?" he asks for me."Yes, Bella, I have had sex many times. Not for two years but before that, yes, I most definitely had sex. A lot."

"So, that fit inside..."

He laughed quietly when he saw where I was headed.

"Its not that big, Bella. I am sure its larger than average but its still quite able to fit comfortably in any woman."

I am relieved its larger than average, I make a note to myself to find a boy who is average or even smaller than average for my first time.

"Don't panic, when the time comes, you will find it fits fine inside you." he whispers and I freeze and flood at the thought.

No way. Yes way says a small, determined voice.

NO way.

I shout that voice down.

He takes my hand and places it on his penis and then places his hand over mine. I automatically close my fingers around him, and its so thick I know he is lying. It would never fit inside me.

Which I don't care about, I remind myself. Because it will never be inside me.

I swallow because my mouth is full of saliva. Strange. Its like its watering at the thought of a hot, tasty meal.

I blush again. My God. If my friends knew where I was and what I was doing....

If Edward Cullen knew what I was thinking....

He seems a little too distracted to be reading my thoughts at the moment, he is moving my hand up and down his penis and he tightens his grip, making me tighten mine.

"Yes, Bella, yes, like that, faster" he whispers so I move my hand faster and he pulls out an old fashioned cotton handkerchief and places it on his stomach. Okay, I am confused. Not for long. He urges me to go harder and faster and my fingers feel a wet substance leaking from the tip. I smooth it over the head of his penis and he hisses in delight. I touched his tip again and look at the want in his eyes. He likes that. I push his hand away and experiment touching him in other areas, he seems to be most sensitive just below the head, along the big vein at the underside so I stroke it with my finger while still pumping the rest of his erection. My lips are suddenly dry and my tongue peeps out to wet them and he goes into a frenzy at the sight. He is moaning and lifting his body slightly off the seat, murmuring Oh God and Yes Bella and Please and pumping hard into my hand. Suddenly he stiffens and his penis jerks and fluid leaves it, in spurts and he catches it with the cloth now in his other hand.

Oh, okay. I have never seen a boy come before. So that's what ends up inside a condom.

Sex 101.

I am learning so much.

He lays back for a few minutes and I can hear his racing heartbeat as he gasps in mouthfuls of air and gradually he calms down again. His eyes are shining and he smiles that crooked smile and leans in to kiss my cheek.

He wipes my hand then kisses it, then cleans himself off and puts the cloth in his pocket then zips his pants. Pity, I quite enjoyed looking at his penis. It is the first one I have seen, other than in line drawings in health books.

He leans in closer and nibbles my neck and ear.

"Thank you for helping me, Bella."

I have no idea of the correct response.

Suddenly I remember what he said before.

"Can I ask you something, Edward?"

"Sure, ask away."

"You said you had a lot of sex before. But not for two years. Why?"

"I got into a little bother, fucking the wrong girls. Carlisle has me in therapy."

"So, should you be doing this?" I wave a hand back and forth between us.

"Oh yes, I should be doing this, Bella. I need to be reminded life is worth living."

I sit and think about what he has said tonight.

I am not convinced what we are doing would be okay with his therapist.

"Are you going to tell your doctor what we did?" I ask.

"If I do, I won't ever tell who I did this with" he assures me.

The answer is both right and wrong. I am glad he will protect me from anyone knowing I was involved but I also wonder, is he ashamed to have done that with me?

He reaches his hands under the jacket and reties my top and I am grateful because I had forgotten I was bare chested and would have handed him his jacket and walked out with my breasts on show for all to see.

He sits there beside me, holding my hand and watching the end of the movie and when the lights go on, he leans and says:

"Same time next Saturday?"

I bite my bottom lip and revert to nodding.

Why even pretend? I know I will be here.

"Edward."

"Yes?"

"Why did you blank me at school?"

"I am sorry, I was with Emmett and if I had indicated I even knew who you were, he would be searching for a connection and trying to find out why I spoke to you."

I accept his explanation.

"Do you want me to speak to you at school? If I do, these Saturday nights will have to stop because its the only place I really go unaccompanied. Emmett will soon figure that out."

"Then no." I answer.

"Okay, Bella?"

"Okay, Edward."

Its our secret.

I watch him leave ahead of me and I realize sadly, he didn't even kiss my mouth tonight.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Thanks for reviews, Cheers. Have a good weekend.**

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter 5

Simmering

EDWARD'S POV

The week dragged by and I longed for Saturday night. I wanted to feel her again and have her touch me. I was dreaming of her constantly, ever night I would fall asleep with her image in my head and I would wake up with my hand on my dick, already seeking relief even as I slept. Morning showers were becoming a lengthy affair, I was pounding myself off to her images every day before school but by the time I was done, her face and her soft skin would creep back into my brain and I would extend the shower and lean a hand up against the tiled wall as I stroked and jerked myself off to her memory.

I was sure I would be red raw by Saturday so I started singing in the shower and trying to distract myself with emo songs or jazz or rock and roll, anything unlike Bella Swan. I had no idea what music she liked to listen to, or anything about her really and the thought bothered me for some reason.I started to wonder, was she a Trent Reznor fan or was Nine Inch nails too raw for her? That brought to my mind the words of Closer, and my dick was hard and needy again.

I tried to switch to another band. The Killers. Their lyrics were strange and hard to decipher meaning from, they were safer. Then the thought of feeling her bones on my bones, and her skin on my skin had me panting in need again. Were there any songs that would not remind me of her and her perfect skin, and her soft smile?

And the things I had yet to do with her? I knew how far I wanted to take this Saturday night thing, until my dick was regularly deep inside her soft, wet pussy and she was bouncing above me in the dark. She seemed to be going along with whatever I asked for so far so I would hasten things tonight. I wanted to fuck her so badly but I didn't want to scare her away. I decided, I would aim for my first home run in three weeks time.

This Saturday, tomorrow, I would attempt to get some skin on skin action and I started to plan my strategy. i would wear casual soft workout pants that I could just pull down out of our way and then I would pull her onto my lap and start getting her used to the feel of my cock being near her entrance. I wouldn't try pushing inside yet. She would need to get to a point where she was comfortable being in that position so two Saturdays from now, I would be balls deep in Bella Swan.

We ignored each other as usual Friday and the day dragged as I watched her and imagined being with her again. My frequent visits to the boys bathroom went unnoticed, I thought, until she walked by me and slipped something into my pocket. I kept going and inside the bathroom, I pulled out the small plastic bottle of her hand cream. I opened it and sniffed the aroma of strawberries and it took me straight back into the cinema seats as I taught her how to rub me off and I smirked and used some of the cream to, ah, move things along. I went back to class smelling of strawberries so my quick solution didn't last long. Strawberries + Bella = hard on. It was simple math.

I swam in the pool all Saturday morning and tried to rid myself of the extra energy that pumped through my body every time I thought of my plan. I felt like a kid again, knowing the countdown to his birthday was drawing the big day closer and closer.

Um, closer. I want to fuck you like an animal, I want to feel you from the inside..thanks Trent, you wrote that song just for me.

Finally it was time and Alice bounced to the car, making Carlisle raise his eyebrows.

"We are going to see a Johnny Depp movie" I quickly said. He knew Alice crushed on him so it seemed like a reasonable explanation for her eager anticipation.

Alice was gone the second the car stopped and I saw just flashes as she and Jasper disappeared to who knows where.

I waited in the car a while to see if Bella was coming but gave up as the time to begin the movie neared. She was sitting in her seat already, looking worried until she saw me, then a glorious smile spread across her face. I was touched I affected her that way but this was not a relationship. I had to keep this firmly where it belonged. We were, or would be, fuckbuddies, nothing more. That's all I had to offer her.

She moved her legs back to allow me room to walk past her but it was not necessary, with no other rows in front, there was ample room and I sat down and looked at her face. Her eyes were very shiny but there was definitely a hint of concern there too.

I really didn't want to know. Of course, she would be having doubts by now about whether to allow this to continue. I had to do something to make sure she decided it was. I knew what. What all the girls like best.

How do we manage this in this small space? I waited for the movie itself to start to absorb the attention of all the patrons but it was fairly empty being a fine night with no rain, people were off doing outdoor cook outs and such. Cinema was rainy day entertainment and we had plenty of rainy days so they would be back but there was nobody sitting anywhere near us at all. Good.

I dropped to a crouch in front of her seat and grabbed her thighs to indicate she was to inch forward. She looked perplexed but she slid towards me a little and I lifted her skirt back towards her waist. With her sitting right at the edge, I had all the access I needed and I kissed the inside of her thigh to give her a clue whare this was headed. Comprehension dawned on her face and I would have bet money that Jessica had informed Bella all about this particular activity. Mike was quite vocal about his exploits of introducing Jessica to the wonders of his mouth action.

I licked along her inner thigh and she tensed so I looked up at her and whispered,"Relax, Bella. You will like this, I promise."

Kate had taught me what to do, I had hoped maybe Irina wanted to show me but she never did let me watch her girls nights in, sadly. According to Kate, most girls liked this even better than cock, so I was willing to bet Bella would too.

I ran my tongue along her folds a couple of times and suddenly her legs were open wider and she slid closer, so she was now hanging over the front seat edge. This made things way easier and I used a hand to part her folds and get my tongue right in where she wanted it. She shivered everytime I licked her clit, so I came back to it frequently. My tongue buried inside her didn't get as much of a response yet but she would learn soon just what my tongue could reach in there. I concentrated on her clit to make sure she got what she wanted. My turn would come later.

Once she was fully relaxed and into it, I sucked her clit inside my mouth gently and stroked her nerves with my tongue.

Two words were repeated over and over from her mouth. Edward and God.

We both got equal credit until she started to come then it was all Edward, Edward, Edward. Her taste was mouthwatering and I frantically licked her all clean and got every drop of the nectar she released, and in minutes, she started to tremble again. Oh yeah, Edward you are the man. I slowed and licked her along her whole slit and she was shuddering and shaking so much, i knew we were headed for a second flood of nectar so I sucked her clit in again and she almost jumped off the seat, still sensitive from her first orgasm. I licked her slowly and sweetly and gave her time and she mewed quietly then shook as it hit her again.

"Edward, my God, Edward, that was...amazing.I...I really liked that, Edward. I will be dreaming about that all week."

Thank you, I humbly accept this award and would like to thank Kate for teaching me and Bella for letting me try out my skills. I had not been tempted to do this to other girls, they had been around a little too much for me to be putting my mouth on them. She was gasping audibly so I stood up again and felt the blood rush back into my poor legs, and I sat down and lifted the dividing arm that was between our seats and pulled her into my arms for a while. She was radiating heat from her face, I wished there was more light so I could fully see the blush causing this heat out pouring from her.

We sat like that, entwined in each other for an hour or so then I lifted her onto my lap, straddling me, having dragged my pants down out of the way. My hard on bounced between her legs and I pulled her skirt up at the front but left it to cover her at the back as she faced me and looked into my eyes. I slid her body along my aching cock and she hissed at the feel. I almost stopped breathing, I was hyper aware of her pussy right there, one slip and I could be inside her. I put her hand on the head of my dick so she had friction as she moved along my shaft with her clit and in no time I was begging her to come because I was that close. She was gently rubbing her finger over my head and spreading the fluid on me and it was making me shiver.

"Bella" I cried as she continued to swirl her finger around my head, and the feel of her wet folds enclosing me rocked me into orgasm. Her belly was covered in my seed so I pulled out some tissues and cleaned her off. She had her eyes closed and was humming softly and was ignoring my clean up actions and was still rocking against me so I allowed myself to harden again, like I could have stopped it, and this time she came first and shuddered bonelessly against me as I squirted again on her skin. Her skirt copped a bit of my fluid but it was on the inside so we wiped it off and she giggled at us.

"God, Edward. This week, I decided to put a stop to this."

I had suspected as much.

"But.." I asked.

"But, I hate to admit it, I don't want you to stop."

Her lips were on mine and it took me a minute to respond, I was so shocked. I kissed her with all the passion I could still muster and she moaned a little into my mouth. Kissing was never my thing. I could kiss any girl, of course, but kissing Bella suddenly felt different to the others.

I leaned back in and kissed her again, but gently, in a way I never kissed anyone before. Not a desperate kiss of need and desire, a gentle kiss of what? Affection?

Edward Cullen doesn't do affection.

Clearly I had mixed it up with gratitude because I was very grateful to her. Outercourse was amazing with her.

I felt as satisfied as if I had fucked her for real. Her fingers on the tip of my dick..... I shuddered in pleasure just at the memory. This would be shower session fodder for the next week.

I lifted her off me onto her own seat and she straightened her skirt.

I felt quite strange today, different to usual. Sure, the sex was great and last week it really would not have mattered who I got it off, this week I was glad it was her. I wanted it to be her always. My original need to just have any female body to play with now had morphed into a need for Bella's body in particular.

Her scent really drew me in and now I associated sex with Bella and strawberries. I was wondering if she would come with me to a coffee shop and not run off home straight away. Should I ask or did this cross the perimeters of fuckbuddy etiquette?

I decided, she could only say no, and she did. She just wanted to get home and get showered and get her clothes washed before her father got home so I drove her home for the first time and dropped her a few doors down in case Charlie was early.

Suddenly, knowing I had left her to catch a bus home before made me feel ashamed. She was not a sex toy to discard after use. I had to start treating her better if I wanted this to continue, and I did.

I went back and found Alice and dragged her off Jasper and put her in the car. She smelled of sex so I warned her to get showered before Carlisle caught a whiff of that and she laughed and said "You too, buddy, you too."

I guess I just got outed.

She would keep my secret and be my alibi because she needed me to keep her secret and be hers.

We both headed to our bathrooms as soon as we entered the house and we were clean and fresh by the time our father returned from the hospital, lying on the couches downstairs watching tv with plenty of innocence and a deep satisfaction for another great Saturday night.


	6. Chapter 6

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter 6

Changes

EDWARD'S POV

For the first time, doubts and conflicting thoughts concerning Saturday night were entering my brain. Alice had quarreled with Jasper and was in a funk and the music coming from her bedroom was at first annoying then it started to make me wonder if I was affecting Bella's moods and if the music she played now was different to the music she played before that Saturday when everything started. I know girls feel things way more deeply than boys at this age and I started to wonder if what we were doing was harming her in any way?

Taylor Swift wailed from my sisters room.

"Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you you're gonna believe them, when you're fifteen and your first kiss makes your head spin 'round but in your life you'll do things greater than dating a boy on the football team...but I didn't know that at fifteen."

I had never told Bella I loved her so why did I feel guilty?And she wasn't fifteen, she was seventeen.

"... Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind and we both cried."

I stood still.

Would Bella look back at her first time and cry?

Why did I care? I knew what I wanted from her but was she making a balanced decision about what she wanted from me or had her first kiss turned her head around?

She kissed me last Saturday, so it was starting to seem she was looking for more than just sex lessons from me.

Did I want more?

No, I just need her to fulfill my sexual needs.

The rest of the night was spoiled for me because my damn brain would not shut the fuck up.

Who asked for its opinion anyway?

Bella is about to turn 18, she is old enough to know her own mind. She could call a halt by simply not turning up.

I told myself that each day as the week progressed but my eyes keep seeking hers and I watched her in class and across the room when I sat in the cafeteria at a table far from hers. I no longer wanted or needed isolation at lunch and breaks, there was only one girl in the school in any danger from me and I couldn't even risk speaking to her here.

Emmett and Rose were openly delighted that I was leaving the student lounge to them and the fact Rose went to her Spanish class after lunch, with her Tshirt under her blouse inside out,showing the stitching at the neckline, gave us all a clue to what they were finding to do for entertainment, now they no longer had me to keep them apart.

Bella was sitting at her usual table with Mike and Jessica, supposedly together, but Mike's eyes strayed to Bella's face every few minutes and his eyes lit up when she spoke to him, and he was barely aware his own girlfriend was even sitting there with him. Lauren and her current crush, Tyler, were gazing into one anothers eyes and the other four students at the table were paired off as well, making Bella the only one without a partner and that pleased me in a selfish way but bothered me, because I was not offering to be her boyfriend, yet was probably preventing her from looking for one.

She deserved more than what she was getting from me.

I felt anxious at the knowledge some boy may come along and offer her what I couldn't. Any boy could give her sexual relief, maybe not as well as I could but if there were feelings behind his fumbles, I knew she would forgive anything and overlook his inexperience.

The more I saw of Bella interacting with others, the more it hit home was a very kind and special girl she was. She really didn't deserve to be merely my sex toy.

I decided to play it cool this Saturday and maybe slow things down, my aim to sleep with her now seemed rushed and not in her best interests.I needed to be sure she knew we were not becoming anything, it was just sex. If she was hoping I would end up her friend or her boyfriend, I had to make it clear that was not part of my plan.

Alice walked by and the expression on her face as she looked around, clearly looking for Jasper, clued me in that whatever their problem was, had no been resolved. I smiled at her when she looked my way and she smiled a weak smile back and came to sit with me.

"What's up, Ali Cat?" I asked, using her childhood nickname. I don't know what our parents were thinking, naming her Alice Caterina Cullen, any boy would shorten that to Ali Cat.

"I just feel so sad, Edward. Jasper isn't sure any more that he is my soul mate, he wants us to slow down and cool things a bit. I may end up back at the Saturday night movies with you at this rate."

My heart stuttered. No.

I would have to speak with the boy and make sure this problem was resolved, I needed that seat B. After Alice went to eat, I wandered off, looking for Jasper myself. Bella had left the cafeteria already anyway so there was no point remaining there. I walked up and down hallways but only found him just before the bell went , indicating the next lesson was about to begin.

They were sitting in the library, opposite one another and Bella was hanging on Jasper's every word, and murmuring soothing sympathy as he no doubt, told her all about his woes with Ali. Jasper was not looking at her intently, it seemed any willing ear would do for him and I was relieved about that.

They both stood and Bella waited while Jasper packed his books back into his bag and he walked to her and pulled her into a hug. His face was closed and distant but her eyes were shining and she blushed slightly and it took her a few minutes to shake herself up and gather her wits again.

It disturbed me that she was so aware of him and so obviously crushing.

Jasper saw me when he walked out the door and he stepped to my side, no trace of guilt on his face, the hug had meant nothing to him.

We walked to class, and he complained how things between him and my sister were no longer clear and easy, and he wasn't sure what to do next.

I wanted to tell him to make up with her, now, and do it properly but it would be out of character for me to even care about them so I just listened and nodded when appropriate.

He didn't mention Bella Swan, Thank God, so his thoughts had not drifted her way. Yet.

I needed to do some damage control with Bella, there were plenty of boys here who would love to be with her in a relationship and I often overheard them talking about her and some boy would boast he was going to ask her out or ask her to prom, and it was really only a matter of time until she liked one of them back. I didn't want Jasper back on the open market, that was for sure.

Saturday night I was there before her and relieved when she showed up. She smiled a little uncertainly again only more so than last week.

Damn.

It was starting to seem like whatever it was between us had a use by date and that date was looming closer. She was starting to see she wanted more.

I sat with my arm around her and asked her about her week. She looked surprised, and why wouldn't she be, I never usually wasted time on conversation. After we had filled each other in on our weeks, she stopped talking and looked at my face intently. Uh oh, here it comes.

"Edward, I know this is just sex to you and I agree, I went along with it and its my fault as much as yours, but I really am doubting if what we do is a good idea."

"You don't like it any more? Because you seemed to like it a lot last week" I reminded her.

"Of course I like it, and who wouldn't, but I am starting to feel like its not me. Not what I really want. Like, its just lust and that isn't really a reason to get so involved with this. It's taking over my life, I am starting to long to be back by Sunday morning. My body loves what you do, but I dunno, I feel kind of empty afterwards. I get caught up in the moment but then I think about things when you aren't touching me, and I am not sure its right."

Selfish pig that I am, I slipped my hand up her skirt as she spoke. Panties. That was not good. I hooked my fingers inside and she pulled back at first but once my fingers found her clit and I started to stroke it, she stopped talking and started moving against my hand.

My long term plan was probably blown now, if I wanted to fuck her, this was my only chance. And I really, really wanted to fuck her. I pulled her panties down and off her, onto the floor.

I tickled and circled her clit,and did a figure eight around her clit and entrance, and she started to shiver in anticipation. Her eyes were closed and her breathing audible. I lifted her onto my lap like last week, my pants once again lowered out of the way, past my knees.

I took my erection in my other hand and started to stroke it along her folds, removing my fingers from her. She bucked against me and was starting to prepare to come, I could tell she was seconds away. I would have to convince her to allow me to push inside her in the next few seconds.

I slid my tip against her entrance and started circling her clit again with my fingers so she sighed and writhed and I pushed my tip just inside her. She was too intent on her approaching orgasm to say more than a few words.

"Please Edward.."

"You want me inside you?" I checked nervously. At this point she could call a halt and we'd never know if we were a perfect fit.

"I do, I want you inside me," she gasped.

What the lady wants...

I hit her barrier as she came, hard and pulsing around me. Her eyes opened,and she gazed at me, sleepy and satisfied.

I rocked a little and my mind was seesawing back and forth. I had no intention of letting this become any more than it was. But something in her eyes cautioned me.

Some flicker.

"Edward, I... ''

I cut her off.

"Shhh, Bella, Don't talk, just feel."

I didn't want her to say whatever it was she was thinking.. She didn't love me so if it were that statement, it was a lie. No girl had ever said that to me and I certainly didn't want to hear it from a fuckbuddy.

If she was saying,"Edward, I don't want us to just be fuckbuddies," then I was in trouble.

I pulled her off me and sat her in her seat and my erection faded quickly as my brain took over.

She looked at me with a mixture of confusion and sadness.

I couldn't sort out whether she was sad I stopped or if it was sadness I hadn't let her speak.

She faced the front and I could feel the tension in the air between us.

I made no attempt to speak to her but I rubbed her shoulder with the arm I put around her, and she didn't lean into me this time so things were strained between us.

The lights came on after what seemed like forever and I stood and dithered, not knowing what to say to her. She was being busy, straightening her clothes and hair,and looking in her purse like the secrets of the universe were in there.I kicked her panties under the seat when she was looking away.

"Um, can I drive you home?" I asked her.

"No, its fine. I would rather catch the bus, I have stuff to do before I go home."

She held Alice's ticket in her hand and looked from it to me, clearly not knowing whether to hand it back.

"Keep it, please." I said, and turned and left before she could insist I accept it back.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks to all you loyal readers who are sticking with this, and you know it will end up lemony again one day ,thanks to Lecia for the heads up on my epic fail!**

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter 7

Biology

BELLA'S POV

I sat in Biology and tried to work it out in my head. Did what Edward did mean I was no longer a virgin? He had not broken my hymen, I knew that, he had no proceeded to have actual sex but what was the definition of losing one's virginity? He did put his penis inside me, a little. I concluded I could still claim virgin status because we hadn't followed through and had sex itself. I certainly didn't want that to have been my first time. I had kind of always pictured candles and roses , maybe even rose petals sprinkled on a bed, (my larger bed of my fantasies), with soft net curtains hiding the occupants. I was there, naked and sexy, maybe with my hair straightened and a manicure and pedicure done, definitely with brazillian wax though Jess says they hurt like a bitch so maybe its been done two or three days earlier. Maybe I should be wearing sexy lingerie, not be naked? What would look better? Maybe something sheer? Did guys really care or did they prefer you naked? Probably naked, I decided.

So, I was naked and the glorious man with me was naked? Yeah, fairs fair. I am yet to see a totally naked man. and man in my daydream suddenly morphed from having copper hair to having black emo hair and his eyes changed from green to blue and his lips changed from Edward's to Jasper's. Yes, thats my dream. Jasper Hale and I naked in bed.

That firmed it up for me, I was still a virgin because I would be giving that gift to Jasper or another boy I crushed on in future, not having it taken from me by Edward. Things had to stop now between Edward and I. It was wrong and getting more wrong by the week. I wanted to look back on my first time with feelings of happiness and fondness. I know Jasper is sleeping with Alice so he is experienced. He will show me what to do, in my dreams, anyway. I can never compete with Alice, Jasper loves only her. Even when I lent a sympathetic ear and tried to be the supportive friend, it was like he was more talking to himself than to me. But he hugged me. I know that sounds pathetic but a hug from Jasper meant more than any kiss from Edward.

Mr Banner droned on about groups and partners and I lay my head on my arms on top of the table. The only parts I heard were Bella Swan,and Jasper Whitlock. I vaguely registered he also had said Edwards name. Oh fun, Heaven and Hell. How do I avoid Edward and spend time with Jasper? Does our arrangement need to be formally needed? Do I post Alice's ticket to him, or hand it back?

Maybe hand it to Alice.

"Oh Alice, heres the ticket your brother gave me so we can have sex in your seat in the cinema but I have changed my mind, now I want your boyfriend to make love to me instead, so go sit with Edward and clear the way for me."

I don't think that would go over well. I don't want to go this Saturday. Should I? Will he get the message if I just don't show? Is that rude? Whats the rules for breaking up with a boy you are not even dating, just doing sex things with? I am not exactly ashamed any more but I am over it.

EDWARD'S POV

Mr Banner wandered into the Biology lab Monday morning, looking as if he wasn't sure why he was here and his clothes were all wrong, mismatched, as always. Alice didn't fancy him or anything but her fingers itched to take him shopping and make him buy clothes that were at least co ordinated. Today his hideous orange shirt had a purple tie hanging off it and his trousers, in red and black tartan plaid, were just an eyesore.

"Okay, class, please" he spoke too quietly but most of us took pity on him and stopped chatting.

"We are going to form groups and start the longest assignment for the year. I have divided you by your marks so you will be fairly evenly matched intelligence wise,"

This earned moans and laughs from the students, suddenly the boys who rarely paid attention knew they would get Jessica Stanley and her equally vacant friend Lauren in their group. This was probably the closest they got to real girls.

I knew Alice and I would be in the group of the best students and idly wondered who else we would be grouped with. I didn't have long to wait.

"Edward Cullen, Alice Cullen, Mike Newton,Jasper Whitlock,Rosalie Hale, Bella Swan, you six are Group 1."

Shit.

Bella Swan.

Bella Swan who I ignored at school out of self preservation was about to be in my group.

Bella Swan who probably hated me after Saturday was in my group.

Mike Newton was vibrating with excitement.

Bella was sitting several rows ahead of my back row position and she had frozen and then laid her head on her table without even looking around.

"Miss Swan, move to the back table, please. I am sure Mr Newton will be only too happy to assist you with your books."

Mike was beside her in a flash and she reluctantly stood and walked to our table, eyes on the floor.

There was a reshuffling of chairs so we now surrounded the whole table. Mike had placed his chair beside Bella's and now she was sitting directly across the table from me. Rose was at one end and Jasper the other.

I knew what Alice wanted before she asked.

I stood and swapped seats with Jasper. No way could I stare into those chocolatey brown eyes all lesson and not give away the fact we knew each other. Intimately.

"You will need to meet after school at least two days each week and there will be times when you all have to visit your assigned locations and list the fauna and flora found there.

Group One, you will be studying the forest so I suggest you meet up at the Cullen house for your bi weekly meetings. Group Two, you will be studying the beach so....."

His voice droned on and on as he instructed the other groups.

I caught the end of his instructions.

"and then the alternate week, group One will visit the beach to compare the contrast in flora and fauna and group Two will visit the forest. Group 3.."

So, I was to walk through a forest with Bella Swan and also visit the beach in her company. Luckily there would be the others so we could avoid sitting together and hopefully Mike would greedily grab every minute to be with her, so it wouldn't look odd if she and I never spoke.

I was counting on Alice being too enthralled with some extra Jasper time to notice anything amiss.I hoped they were making things up, and soon.

Mr Banner approached out table.

"To avoid any problems, I will choose the partnerships,yes Miss Cullen, I am aware if I allow you and Mr Whitlock to partner up, you will not get any work done at all."

Partnerships?

I had missed that part of his speech.

"Okay, Edward Cullen and his sister, Alice. Please swap chairs once I have listed all the partners. Jasper Whitlock and Bella Swan. Rosalie Hale and Mike Newton."

Phew, I dodged a bullet there, I was sure with my luck he would partner me with Bella Swan.

Then I realized, she was with Jasper, her secret crush. My heart tugged a little and I frowned. Why would I care? She was a free agent, nothing to do with me.

Too late to avoid sitting opposite her now, Rose had grabbed an end chair so she wouldn't have to sit beside Mike, so now Alice was beside me and Bella was directly opposite me again, this time with Jasper to her right so he was facing Alice. I saw her blush slightly at her proximity to Jasper. Her heartbeat had increased and she had unconsciously licked her lips with that delectable red tongue that had driven me insane in the cinema two weeks ago. The pictures that had conjured up in my brain as her hand stroked me, had made me orgasm all the faster. I wanted those full pouty lips and that red tongue to take me in and ...

"Edward. Are you even listening to me? I said, can you and I swap partners out of school so Jasper and I can be together? You haven't met Isabella, have you? Isabella, this is my brother, Edward."

I looked at her in surprise. Isabella? Well, a new and different name may help to keep the divide between Saturdays and weekdays in place.I hoped so badly we would keep up our Saturday meetings.

"Isabella. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Edward Cullen."

"God, so formal" sighed Alice.

"Hello, Edward. Nice to meet you. Bella is fine. I don't go by Isabella really.."

"Isabella" I repeated firmly and her eyes flickered and she got where I was going.

"Isabella is fine, too."

Her eyes searched mine for a moment then flicked back to Jasper and the raw want was there for a microsecond, too fast for anyone else to notice.

I stifled a growl in my throat and wondered what she saw in him. He was tall and willowy and I suppose he is good looking in a girly way, he is not as pretty as I am though. I had never encountered competition before.

Although I have no emotional interest in Isabella or even Bella, she is mine.

Its simply the truth. I own her.

I felt torn between agreeing to Alice's request, simply to get Isabella away from Jasper, and the thought of having to be near her, smelling her delicious and unique scent as we work together yet not being able to touch her.

I know I can't do it. You wouldn't hand an alcoholic an open bottle of brandy and expect him to merely savor the bouquet.

And I needed time and space to work out what was to be my next move. I needed to backpedal and just do whatever she chose, not get carried away with my own desires again. From now on, every move I made would only happen with her express permission.

"No, Alice. Banner is right, you and he won't get any work done and I am not pulling you out of the forest half naked when we got on our excursion." I knew Alice would go to any lengths to get back with Jasper. School excursion or not.

Alice sulked for the rest of the day and I ignored her ignoring me. My eyes wandered time and time again to Isabella's face and I noticed something. She is beautiful, truly exquisite. I wondered why I had never noticed before.

I had watched her face as I made her come and had thought she looked lovely then, but suddenly I can see her complete and natural beauty. My heartbeat sped up as I gazed at her and my body felt warmer and at peace. She grounded me in a way she had no idea about. Just being in her presence was starting to cheer my heart and fill my soul with something new and foreign. Was I starting to have feelings for her? I studied her and envied the laugh she gave to Jasper. That should have been my laugh. I wanted her to laugh like that for me.

Wednesday afternoon was our first adventure into the forest. We had to break up into partners and so I dragged a grumpy Alice along and did the work myself, knowing there was no way she was going to contribute. I was gathering samples of small fern leaves when Alice sat on a log and refused to walk any further. Fine. I handed her my book and notepad and kept walking further. Several bright butterflies appeared and I followed them to see what flowering plant they could be looking to feed from.

As the gap between the undergrowth appeared, I looked at the sight before me. Jasper was standing beside a large rock and Isabella was sitting on top of it so her face was at his eye level and she was mesmerized as Jasper was explaining some garbage about the civil war, his favorite topic. He was speaking with his usual passion that arose whenever the topic was discussed and she was watching his mouth then his eyes, looking between the two like some sportsfan watching a tennis match. Her face was revealing so much. She was completely enraptured by Jasper and he seemed to be way too close for comfort and he really seemed to be looking at her, not his usual polite "I am looking at you but watching out for Alice" look.

It was almost as if they were in their own little bubble.

I walked towards them, noisily and they finally noticed me.

"Did you see any butterflies?" I asked, feeling like a complete fool but I needed to break the spell they were weaving together.

"Butterflies?" questioned Jasper.

Isabella glared at me, angry I had interrupted their little chat.  
"Yeah," I struggled lamely to come up with something intelligent.

"I was wondering what flowers were blooming here at the moment for them to feed on."

"Oh" said Isabella.

She turned back to Jasper, who was smiling at her, laughing at me and my quest for butterflies.

I stomped off, clearly I was simply an irritating interloper.

Damn Alice should keep her boyfriend in control.

Friday afternoon we had our first beach visit. It was cold and windy and threatening to rain. Alice was pouty and silent as soon as we split into partners so as usual, I did the work and she trailed along, sighing dramatically.

I was keeping a distance from Jasper and Isabella but also staying close enough so they were in my sight at all times.A sudden downpour had us all scrambling for shelter and Alice darted into the nearest section of overhang along the cliff above us and I stood with her, waiting for the rain to stop. I looked to where Jasper and Bella had been but they were out of sight.

I left Alice shivering there and ran further along the beach until I saw the small gap in the rock, an entrance through a fault, into a small cave. Isabella was lying on the sand beside my sister's boyfriend and he seemed to have forgotten who he was because he was kissing her in a most compromising manner and his hands were moving over the top of her blouse, cupping those breasts that were mine, and she was lying very close to his body, moving softly against him.

I knew in that moment Alice had lost him and I had lost whatever part of her that had been mine.

I ran back to Alice and shook off her question about whether or not I had found any of the others. When the rain finally stopped, Isabella and Jasper came back along the sand, laughing in that way, you know the way, the way that says we are together and nobody else exists.

They climbed in my car, both in the back seat, not even thinking to split up again so Jasper could sit with Alice as usual. Alice looked shocked and then the pain hit her face and I knew she knew too.

I dropped Isabella at her fathers house and Jasper jumped out as well and said they had some notes to write up. I saw the look on her face and the answering look on his face and noticed the Chiefs police car was not in the driveway.

Alice cried large soft tears all the way home and I stomped upstairs to my room and threw myself onto my bed. Why did I care? I didn't care. She was nothing to me. Nothing and everything, my heart said.

Nothing and everything.

I booted up the laptop and watched some internet porn but it failed to capture my interest. My hand sought my dick but I gave up after a few minutes. I wasn't grieving the loss of my source of sex as much as the loss of her. It was like she was my new drug of choice. My longings were now for her, not for sex. Carlisle would be pleased. After all that money he had wasted at the shrink, I had been cured by a pair of doe eyes and they were not even looking my way.

Friday Alice insisted she was sick and refused to go to school so I stayed home to look after her, grabbing the excuse to stay away and not watch the new romance bloom. We both stayed in our bedrooms and only crept out to get food and drink. I helped myself to a bottle from my fathers drinks cabinet and amused myself by getting completely blathered. It chased away the images in my head, the images of a girl with soft brown hair as she lay beside a tall dark Texan and looked at him with love in her eyes, love she had never had for me. Love I didn't even know I had wanted.

My visit with my psychologist was a crazy affair. He twigged at once that my sex addiction was no longer an issue even and I spent the hour babbling about how I needed to know how to make Bella love me.I explained to him,how sex was meaningless without feelings and that the only sex I wanted now was sex with a committed Bella, er, person, and he had the nerve to smirk and pat himself on the back. He even said I could stop coming weekly now and suggested we start monthly sessions but my heart knew I needed him now, like I had not needed him before. If he wasn't there for me, who would be? I had to sort myself out and come up with a plan where I lured her away from Jasper.

The image of the two of them together in that cave haunted my dreams and made it impossible to even eat. I felt sick and empty and my chest was gaping open. In my dreams, I had a bird, a pet, sitting beside my bed. It was in a gilded cage and was looking for a way to fly away. The cage door was opened by someone elses hand and the bird flew out, singing its joy to escape.I stood at my window and watched the bird fly away and it landed on a lake and turned into a beautiful, white swan.

Saturday night I turned up at the cinema and waited in vain. I knew she wouldn't be coming and sure enough, she didn't turn up. I stayed through the whole movie, hoping she would at least come and say goodbye.

I took my empty heart home and lay on my bed the rest of the weekend.

Monday morning I went to school, leaving Alice at home in her fit of despair and gloom.

I went into the students lounge so I could be alone. Rose and Emmett took one look at my face and decided to go for a walk among the common people.

I worked on autopilot all day and went from class to class. In English, she and Jasper sat together and I heard her laugh softly at something he said, he leaned in close and spoke in her ear and I saw that shiver go down her spine. She had it all now, she had love and joy and I knew Jasper was quite accomplished at sex, Alice had never managed to keep her secrets to herself.

She had everything.

And I had nothing.

**A/N I don't want any of you to desert me and go to better writers but one of my fav authors Chicklette is reading my story so please read her stories as well as mine, lol, Get Me To You is brilliant. And she pimped me! I have been pimped.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N I just watched He's Not That Into You, if you haven't seen it, its really funny and worth watching.**

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter 8

We Both Know Hearts Can Change.

BELLA'S POV

Jasper freaking Whitlock kissed me!

He and I had talked in the forest and even though he was telling me about the civil war, about the last thing I was interested in, his passion for it made me lick my lips at the thought of what else he would be this passionate about.

I envied Alice so much, but I knew, no matter how friendly he was being to me, he loves her.

It was a total shock when he rang me after school and asked me out for coffee, he said my insight into how girls think would be invaluable to his situation with Alice. He really just needed me to listen, and I told him Alice was a wonderful girl and I was sure they would get back together. He floored me when he reached across the table and twirled my hair (twirled my hair!!) in his fingers and said he wasn't sure a reconciliation was what he was after.

He dropped by every afternoon then we had the excursion to the beach. Edward drove us as usual and I sat in the front and watched Jasper in the rear view mirror as he sat in the back with Alice and he winked at me! I was shocked and embarrassed that he would do that in front of Alice, and Edward, but he grinned cheekily and I don't think either of them even saw. Edward would have growled or whatever, he is very cave man like these days. Alice surely would have called him on it but she didn't.

Wednesday he invited me back to his house and he showed me his room which is just amazing. He has a lot of cd's and guitars, like six guitars and he sat on his bed while I sat on his floor at his feet, watching him play and he played some sweet old love songs that made me tingle from head to toe and then he asked me if I wanted a drink. It was the way he asked.

"So, Bella, Darlin', can I offer you a refreshment? Sweet tea? Soda?"

Darlin'. Jasper called me Darlin' and with his Texas drawl, I am glad I have learned a little self control because I would have jumped him a week ago the minute he said that word.

I am grateful to Edward because now I know, I don't have to act on my feelings. Just wanting a boy to touch me doesn't mean I have to let him and if anything happens between Jasper and I, it will happen a whole lot slower than what occurred with Edward.

Edward was like my trainer. He introduced me to things that boys and girls our age do, and I feel confident now that I can control a situation and know how far to allow any boy who touches me in future to go.

I no longer feel like some stupid, ignorant virgin. I am fine with being a virgin, but now I know what couples do, I can draw the line at what and when in future.

If I don't, I can see myself ending up being one of those girls, the ones who sleep with every boy that takes their fancy. I want to wait and see if I have real feelings first in future.

I know I have adored Jasper from afar for years but getting to know him properly and not just as the boy I watch from across the room, is exciting and delicious.

Then at the beach, we got caught in the rain and fortunately Jasper knew where a small cave was and next thing, we were inside and his lips were inches from mine and he said

"Darlin, I would really be honored if you allowed me the pleasure of kissing those luscious lips of yours."

My God, he is definitely the sexiest boy alive.

He leaned in and grazed my lips and I wanted that to have been my first kiss. Well, it was the first kiss I ever had with a boy I am crushing on and so it was special and I will remember it as my first kiss.

I do still think of that soft kiss Edward gave me. His hard and desperate kisses never felt that good, but that one soft kiss he gave me..

Yeah, I am going to keep that as my first kiss and Jaspers as my first 'special with feelings' kiss.

We lay on the sand and he kissed me until I almost blacked out, and he whispered to me "Breathe Bella, my belle."

He is so romantic.

Then of course, I started to feel bad because of Alice and all but Jasper told me, he had loved her very much but his heart had changed and I felt sorry for Alice but happy for me.

We are 18 years old, it's stupid to think a romance from this age will last a lifetime. I am sure I will crush on many boys so I am going to take it slowly and if Jasper doesn't like it, we will talk it through. Unlike Edward, Jasper loves talking to me and I love that. I think I could come up with 50 facts about Jasper already and maybe 5 about Edward.

All those hours with Edward and I know he likes sex, he is in therapy, his parents are split up because of his behavior, well maybe I know three things about him.

Jasper loves discovering stuff about me and he is always asking questions and he listens to my answers. Oh and that thing he did with Alice, when he was talking to anyone else and his eyes would scan the area for her, now he does that to me.

I don't know if I should talk to Alice about this, she keeps staying off school, and Edward mainly glares at us but I don't know why unless its because Alice is hurt.

Edward isn't hurt. Inconvenienced maybe, now he has to find some other random to teach at the cinema.

I knew I wasn't going to turn up Saturday night but I knew it was for the best and once Jasper kissed me, there was never any question I would still go to Edward. I probably should have sent him a text but we had never even swapped numbers. Weird, hey?

Jasper got my number in his phone before he even kissed me.

Jasper and I sit together in every class that we share and the others, he walks me to my class then bolts to get to his in time and he is always waiting outside the room when I leave so I get a sweet little kiss from him and at least a few minutes to chat on the way to the next lesson.

My life feels like it is finally beginning.

We are supposed to meet at the Cullen house but now it seems kind of uncomfortable so I suggested we meet at Charlie's house because he is never home and we mainly write up our notes and sort our dried leaf samples and such and Edward is in charge of taking photos, we all voted for him, he lives right beside the forest so he can go do it any time and he doesn't even have to drive to get there.

We have to end up producing an illustrated book about the local environment, showing the fauna and flora and making maps to show where what grows and lives so Jasper is doing the maps, and I am editor. Mike has to come up with fund raising, seeing thats the hardest bit, Rose is helping him. Well, yelling at him and bossing him around. But she has some good ideas and we are holding a carwash this Saturday. It wont cost a lot because now our local KMart, as in , the one in Port Angeles, makes these little hard covered coffee table books and most people have them made with their wedding or baby photos in them but we have decided its the most economical way to do this. We cannot put a heap of text in so we are leaving several pages blank and will add info on sheets of handmade writing paper and attaching them inside. Edward has the most amazing writing skills, so he will write out the final draft and we are set.

Jasper is going to make the maps himself and age the parchment so they look like vintage hand drawn maps because that will fit in with the whole style of the book.

Edward has suddenly just stopped being off and mean and has thrown himself into doing his bit and is actually quite sweet to Jasper and I. He is worried about Alice but he says its mainly emotional, she is not actually ill, and he is sure she will pull herself together soon.

She would be our photographer but Edward is happy to do it as well as his artwork and calligraphy, so its working out well.

Edward also has offered to drive any of us anywhere we need to go, so that's nice of him, for those of us without wheels. Jasper has a truck but his mom is kind of erratic and won't let him drive it some weeks, she has some problems. I don't know if its drugs or alcohol, Jaz is very protective of her and doesn't share a lot about her yet but his dad is long gone, back to Texas, and so its just Jaz and his mom now. So he looks after her and she looks after him and they are pretty close. He has gotten her into a recovery group on Saturday nights so he goes with her to the meetings which is pretty sweet but leaves me at a loose end.

EDWARD'S POV

I spent days coming up with my master plan and some of them were pretty insane and I realized I could not force Bella to like me. Kidnapping her,guilting her to dropping Jasper because Alice needs him and had him first, guilting Jasper into coming back to Alice by saying she is prenant or sick or something, all considered then discarded as the insanity they are.

Then I found out something that made all this seem childish and stupid.

My mom was coming back.

She is so happy I am no longer causing any heartfail and staying out of trouble, and she has decided she misses us and she needs to be here for Alice, so my family is coming back together at last.

The first night she was back, she and dad spent a lot of time alone together, then she started to spend an hour or so sitting with Alice and letting her cry and talk, then she comes to my room and asks me about my day and what happened to change things for me.

I thought about lying and saying I had just matured but my mom has this way of making you say way more than you mean to and in no time, I was telling her all about Bella.

Well, not all about Bella. I just said we were casual friends and she raised her eyebrows so I promised I had no fucked her, and she believed me and was relieved.

I didn't fuck Bella, I may have spent a few glorious minutes inside her partially but I never pushed past her hymen and I am glad of that now.

No matter what I wanted, it wasn't right for her and it was right to stop at that point. In fact, I wish I had shown her more respect and stopped before I was even inside her.

I told her about Jasper and Alice, and Jasper and Bella and told her how I really like Bella but it just didn't happen for us and she told me not to worry, I could always be her friend.

Be her friend.

Why did that not occur to me? I know I want Bella in my life in any way at all, but then I try and think of ways to be her boyfriend. That role is filled. But she can always have more friends. Especially a friend who wants the best for her and wants to make up for past mistakes. We may never be anything more than friends, but that will be enough.

I stop my death glares and nasty snipes and just start being a friend to them both. I always thought Jasper was an awesome guitar player and I play myself, so before we know it, I am going to Jaspers once a week to jam with him,and he is very talented and I feel like I am finally starting to make friends and fit in. Bella is there sometimes and she sits on the floor gazing at Jasper and gets us drinks and often leaves early so we can spend some guy time alone, so there is no longer any tension between us and its cool to find out what Bella is like outside of Row 61, seat B, which, let's face it, was all I knew of her.

One afternnoon, we were sitting around at Jaspers and he made the comment he had to take his mom to her group therapy Saturday nights and he wished Bella had somewhere to go, rather than sitting at home alone as Charlie works the afternoon/night double shift Saturdays, and suddenly I just said "She could come to the cinema with me." She blushed all shades of red and Jasper was amused but had no idea why so I realized Bella had not told him anything.

He left the room to answer the house phone and I quickly turned to Bella to make things right before it got blown out of control.

"Sorry, you don't have to come, I was simply thinking since Alice never leaves her room now and the seat goes begging, maybe you would like to come as my friend. I would not lay a finger on you and I regret so much of what I did to you and the whole way things happened, Bella. I really would like to be your friend. You and Jasper are really the only two students I have talked to and seen out of school in the two years we have lived here. I would never disrespect either of you and I would like to get to know you and spend time with you as a friend. But its up to you. You can say no and I will never ask again. I can tell Jasper I don't have a spare ticket if you want to get out of it."

"I think I would like us to be friend, Edward. So long as we start afresh and you have no illusions that I will change my mind and want you to do...anything. I am with Jasper now."

Jasper came into the room, frowning, but he put a smile back on his face and we played for a while longer. I was excited at the thought of being with Bella, even as friends. I had spent no time with her alone and I missed just being in her company. It wasn't the same when there were others with us.

Saturday finally came and I went to pick Bella up at her house. She invited me in to meet Charlie and he held out his hand and looked me over. I was glad he couldn't read my mind and know what I had done to his daughter, especially with his service revolver strapped to his side.

"Dad just dropped home to formally meet you, Edward. I have explained we are just friends but he suspects theres more to it, don't you, Dad? He knows I am dating Jasper. "

"I am pleased to meet you, Edward. Nice to see a normal young man without the whole emo hair and eye makeup."

"Jasper does not wear make up, Dad, you are making that up."

I stifled a grin. How typical that Jasper and I were compared and I was found to be the 'normal' one simple because I didn't have a modern hair style or dye my hair black.

"So, whats the movie you are seeing?" he asked.

"Oh some vampire story, undead boy meets uncool girl" replied Bella.

It was the first movie we had seen together, when it had come out for one advanced screening session and how I met Bella. Neither of us had seen a lot of the movie so this time, we would actually get to follow the plot. And see the ending.

Jasper send a text to Bella and told her he missed her and to have fun. She spent much of the drive to the cinema sending texts back and only stopped when we arrived. I parked and she turned off her phone and we walked into the foyer and I bought a variety of nibbles so my hands would be busy in a good way.

When we got inside, the screen was showing a notice that due to some stuff up, no trailers were available so the movie started and ended about half an hour early.

It was quite interesting, to actually watch a movie with Bella, she was very into the whole thing and was pointing out why one male character was the obvious choice for the girl and I lost track of everything, just watching her face light up as the couple kissed or whatever, it was very tame but Bella liked it and thats what counts.

I raised the arm rest and pulled her so she lay against me and she relaxed and explained the bits that made no sense, maybe if I was watching the screen more I would have been able to follow it. Having her against me, in my arms, was Heaven and I breathed in her scent.

There was no doubt in my mind, this girl was made for me, I just had to wait out the whole Jasper thing and then I would make a move.

She would not get away from me again. I had learned my lesson the hard way. We could have been a couple by now had I simply spoken to her that first day, who knows? We may have hit it off and the relationship may well have ended up with us together and enjoying each other had I only tried conventional for once.

I was a fool and now I was paying for it.

I dropped Bella home and drove home, replaying every conversation we had had, and smelling her scent still on me.

I sighed as I stepped in a mud puddle, damn rain, it never lets up. I pulled my shoes off at the door and left them outside, walking in silently.

A movement attracted my attention as I walked inside, and Alice's door closed. I walked past and could hear giglling which was a major improvement on the weeks of crying alternated with silence. Alice had taken advantage of the empty house to have a boy here.

I wondered who then froze as I heard her say a name, the last name I expected to hear coming from Alice.

"Jasper, we can fix this, I promise. We are meant to be together. But you had better go , Edward will be home soon."

Wrong twin, Edward is home and you two are fucking up my life.

Fucking up Bella's life which is the same thing.

I resisted the urge to break the door down and throw him out or rip him limb from limb. There are three women in this world I love and care about. My mom, my sister and Bella. And he is fucking with the heads if not the bodies, of two of them.

I walked silently to my bedroom and sat on my bed. What was I to do? Would Bella believe me if I told her? Would she shoot the messenger? Would she ever trust a boy again? We have both screwed her over in different ways, if she decided the male species was not worth the risk, I wouldn't blame her for a minute.

Where do my loyalties lie?

With the girl I shared a womb with or the girl who owns my heart?

I walked back to Alice's door and sat down on the floor and waited. I really had no desire to hear my own twin moaning like that but at last, her door opened and I stood up, shocking the hell out of them both.

"Edward" they said in unison.

"You will tell Bella or I will. You have one day, You both disgust me."

I turned and walked to my room and put some loud music on.

Shit, shit, shit.

So much for my plan of becoming Bella's friend while she dated Jasper. She was about to be broken and would probably never want to face a male of any age again.

I had to see her and try and establish more of her trust in me before she knew this news.

I drove and parked one street away and walked around her house. Her bedroom light was on, so I wondered if I could climb the tree outside her window without killing myself.

I made it to her window with no permanent damage, just not sure my ankle was meant to bend in that direction, and looked in her window. Was this too stalkerish? I rapped on the glass.

Bella was sitting on the bed, reading a text on her phone. She looked up and walked over towards the window. She was wearing a tiny pair of boyshorts and a tank top and I had to swallow and will my mind to think of her and her coming pain at the betrayal of Jasper and my own sister.

Not the way her legs seemed to go on forever and the slim, flat abdomen and the sculptured body before me.

The body I had played like a musical instrument and made sing.

She frowned quizzically at me and opened the window.

"Edward? Are you being a cat burglar on the side because we really dont have anything worth stealing."

Only your heart.

"I was just climbing by and wondered if you wanted company." I said with a smile.

"Come in, you crazy boy."

I stepped into her room and she walked to her bed.

"Jasper wants to see me tomorrow. I think things may get serious between us."

She patted the bed beside where she sat and I sat beside her, pulling her against my chest. She seemed to accept me hugging her, I guess we have done more, this is like a major step backwards therefore acceptable to her.

I leaned in and breathed in the strawberries.

Without thinking I kissed the top of her head then froze but she didn't react in any way so I told myself to try and behave and sat back with my head against the wall.

"So, you are really into Jasper?" I asked. It hurt me to know what was coming her way in the morning,because it would hurt her.

"Yeah, but , you know, he is actually different to what I imaged he was before, when I just mooned over him from afar."

"Better or worse?" Masochist that I am, I had to hear her answer.

"Both, really. He gets very intense at times and he stresses a lot. He is really worried about Alice and I am glad about that because he did love her, you know, Edward."

Yeah, more often than you know, he loves her.

I admit I treated Bella badly but I never pretended to love her, ironically as it turns out, and I never made her any promises.

Sometimes I think Jasper is more of a monster than I am.

**Apologies to Jasper/Jalice fans, I do love him really but I needed a new villain for this story, I have used everyone else already. And he is the hero of sorts in Blue Moon, go read that. Actually, no, go read Chicklettes Get Me To You, I know I already told you to but it will make up for everything, its the best Jasper/Bella story ever. I dont even like J/B stories and I love it.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay this is probably a stupid move but if you all promise to review the last chapter as well, you can have this one because I am stranded at home by floodwaters and so bored, if I don't keep writing. The more reviews, the more I write. I thank each and every one of you for reading, and reviewers are golden. Sexward loves my reviewers and he says he has that ticket for seat B spare when this is all over.**

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter 9

ALICE'S POV

Sometimes you just know.

When mom left and I felt I had to go home and help dad, Emmett and Edward, I did resent the interruption to my life and I did see it as being the martyr, putting them ahead of myself. I started school at Edward's tiny backwater school and wondered what the heck I had done in a past life to deserve being here. Then a vision walked into my view and my feet just took me to him and I kissed him there and then, before a word was spoken between us.

Jasper Whitlock, I soon found out, was my soul mate. And I knew why I was here.

My attitude to Forks changed completely, I was here because the Gods and Fate knew I was meant to be with Jasper and suddenly the rainy little 2 bit town was Paradise. We spent every moment together and Jasper became my first everything. I had dated a few boys but never let them kiss me. With Edward as my brother, I was convinced I would turn into a raving sex maniac the first time I got kissed, so I avoided taking any chances and only double dated.

Then I initiated my first kiss myself and while it shocked me, it was so worth it and meant to be. Jasper had never questioned we were meant for each other until his mom...well, let's just say I hate her and she is wrong.

Saturday nights when I was supposed to be babysitting my twin were a Heaven sent opportunity for me to meet up with Jasper and spend some unsupervised time together. My dad was strict about me seeing boys. I could bring them home to meet him and they could come to dinner or spend time with me weekends, when Emmett or Edward were there, but no private times for Alice, because she shared a womb with Edward therefore may carry The Gene.

I knew dad was terrified it was somehow his fault and the hours he put in at the hospital, that made Edward act as he did. I think Edward smiply lacked character. Emmett had the same needs and hormones and he managed to stick to one girl at a time, well, there was one time, but dad put an end to that. Maybe Edward had just lived the teen boy dream. Every girl fancied him in Chicago, he could have had a dozen girls in his bed at the same time, and if he did I pray I never know about it, but it was true. He would walk down the hallway at the Catholic school and girls stopped in their tracks and hitched their skirts a little higher and puffed their boobs out a little further and they all smiled and prayed he chose them.

It was a meat market and Edward was a carnivore. He chose and consumed meat every day and it went to his head and he saw himself as untouchable. He set up a janitors closet, as his 'meeting place' and every girl wanted a visit. He actually tossed the janitors supplies into the trash so he had the whole closet set up as he liked it, and not one teacher did a thing. He took a chair out of the teachers lounge to furnish it for God's sake.I am sure the female teachers were pleased there would be something to lean on while he fucked them from behind. That was his favorite thing back then and I even overheard girls talking about backdoor sex but surely even my brother was not that perverted.

I asked Emmett about it and he just turned red and muttered something about any port in a storm so I never knew what the answer was. I just know, no boy or man will ever do that to me.

I had girls who had looked at me in disdain suddenly wanting to be my best friend because they wanted the inside info on my sexy brother.

I hated it and was glad when something-which-Alice-may-not-be-told-about happened. I had heard many things about Edward and teachers, so I figured I knew what it was anyway, just not the who with. So my parents sent me to boarding school so I would not be tainted by being The Edward Cullen's twin sister.

i didn't even get to see the house in Seattle, the family were not there long before Sexward and his indiscretions had them moving again and I wondered how long they would last in Forks but mom leaving had a dramatic effect on Edward. I think he finally realized, his actions had consequences. He went to therapy even though he thought it was pointless and he did stay away from girls. I refused to sit in the private study the school gave our family members because there was no way Jasper would want to be closed away from the world. Every day he sought inspiration for his music and he told me I was his muse and he was forever writing songs about our love.

He got a lot of attention and I could see many of the girls in school were just as taken with Jasper as I was, but even though he was mine, I was never complacent and I knew I would have to have sex with him to keep him interested in me. When every girl around was showing willing, I had to fulfill his needs or he would go elsewhere , its just a fact. And I knew he loved me so it was different for us to what it was for Edward.

Jasper loved me and wanted me and I wanted to share everything I was with him, and that included my body. The first time we made love I knew I would never love anyone else this way, and we lived for our Saturday night 'movie' outings. I was pleased Edward allowed the lie and never ratted me out to Carlisle but he even started to enjoy his alone time and that set off alarm bells. I suspected he was seeing some girl, knowing Edward he probably just took his shirt off in the lobby and caught the nearest swooning female and raced her off to the seats.I just hope it wasn't Heidi because she is like, 30 or something, old as.

I guess all girls look the same in the dark so no doubt Edward was fucking one in our private little seating area. Carlisle actually thought it was an answer, and it would keep Edward apart from the general movie viewing patrons, but instead, it allowed him all the privacy he would have needed, nobody else goes that far back in the cinema so the chances of being caught were slim. And you could see the usher if he was walking towars the seats so I dare say Dad actually played right into Edwards hands. I shuddered to think of how many girls had given it up to Edward in my seat. I would not be sitting on it again without some form of seat cover.

The problem with Jasper and I was really nothing to do with us. His mom found out about us, as Jasper had to drop her off at her meetings before he met up with me and she found something of mine in the car, okay, my black lace panties from La Perla, I can't believe I hadn't retrieved them. They are beautiful and deserve a better life than to be left on the floor of a car. Anyway, she accused Jasper of whoring around and he corrected her and said he was in a relationship and loved me, and she pointed out, she and his father had been 'in a relationship' in High School and look how that turned out. Jaspers dad had cheated on his mom from the get go and he was scared to end up like him. Then he started to see it as inevitable, when his mom accused him of being the image of his dad and being cut from the same cloth.

At first, Jasper reacted by proposing to me. He wanted us to get married so he would never be tempted like his mom said he would be, but I knew it was not an answer. If he was going to sleep around, a ring on his finger would not stop him. And I was not that girl, the one who gets married the second High School finishes. I wanted more out of life. I want to travel and see the world and go to college and explore my options. Sure, I love Jasper now but hearts can change. You have no control. I may love him forever but Jasper is an artist and he is very susceptible to other muses and some girls have no morals and won't back off just because he is taken.

Isabella Swan came into my radar one day when I noticed her gazing as Jasper as he spoke with her outside a class. She was enraptured in whatever he was saying but his eyes were searching for me and he gave me his smile that is for me only so I knew, whatever she was feeling, he wasn't . But it put me on alert and I decided to find her some boy to crush on so she would stay away. She is a beautiful girl who doesn't know her own beauty and that is hot to guys. Rose knows she is stunning and she treats boys like dirt beneath her shoes, but Isaella is always nice and sweet and nauseating to any boy who speaks to her, maybe except Mike. I am surprised he hasn't lost a limb yet, the way she throws his arm off her if he dares put it over her shoulder. She clearly hates him. Or his actions, anyway.

Jasper started believing his moms taunts and he told me he thought maybe we should not be exclusive, that we could both date others while still dating each other. I was devastated. I asked him if that meant he would be sleeping with other girls and he assured me, he would not. Only me. We would be the special ones, they would simply be a distraction and help us not get so involved. He had scared himself by proposing, he was relieved when I said no to him, and I knew by the look on his face, he had never wanted to do it anyway. It was like fixing a tiny papercut with a full cast. He needed other outlets for his intense feelings. Jasper is very talented and those artistic types have more needs than us average people. I had to accept what he said or lose him and that was not happening.

Then the whole Biology fuckfest happened and Jasper was teamed with the beautiful Isabella and I admit, I threw her to the wolves. Or the wolf. I tried to hook her up with Edward. I knew he would keep her too busy to even think about Jasper but Edward was stubborn and obviously had no interest in her, damn him. I have no idea why not, he looked like the whole idea would kill him if he had to work with her and stupid and blind as Edward is, he must have found her at least attractive.

He is a male and a randy as hell male at that and two years without sex? I have only been having sex with Jasper a few months and I already fear any lessening of our trysts. He had reserved Saturday nights for me but knowing he was meeting up with Isabella during the week was so hard on me. I watched in horror when Jasper and Isabella came closer and talked and laughed together. I knew Jasper was doing what he thought was for the best, but damn it, she was so captivating, I was convinced he would leave me for her and I couldn't even face going to school. If Jasper hadn't come to my bedroom each Saturday night while Edward was out, I would have curled up and died.

When Edward caught us this Saturday, and said we disgusted him, I was confused. Then it hit me, Jasper had let Isabella think they were an item. I was furious with him. I resolved I would be at school on Monday and taking my place at Jaspers side. He may want to date other girls but those girls will be aware he is mine. They may get a small part of him but they will never get his heart because he has left that with me. Edward seems overly concerned about Isabella, he has hardly spoken to her but he does everything she says when he gets home from the meetings at her house for the Biology project. He takes a million photos of leaves and trees and spends hours deleting those he doesn't like and he only wants to show her his best work.

You know what, I may have tried to get them together out of spite but I really think they would be perfect for each other.

He is the new, reinvented Edward who has only slipped up with hopefully one girl at the cinema, maybe if he has given her up now, which I think he has, he will get interested in Isabella and that would solve everything.

Jasper said Edward took Isabella to the cinema tonight, as a friend, so I assume his fuckbuddy has given him up, if Isabella can forgive him that indiscretion, maybe in time they can be an item. I shudder a little to think poor innocent Isabella sat in seat B where whatever Edward was amusing himself doing, it was the scene of the crime but I suppose, what she doesn't know, won't hurt her.

JASPER'S POV

Today I have to hurt a good girl and maybe even break her heart a little. I am furious at myself. I thought if Bella and I became something, I could then tell her about how I still love Alice and I just need her to be my friend. Kissing her kind of threw my mind to another place and I even touched her wonderful breasts but only outside her clothing. I am not getting sexual with Bella, that would be so wrong. She is not the kind of girl you can use for sex, she needs and deserves a proper relationship. So I guess it is for the best that Edward caught Alice and I and threatened to tell Bella.

It is my responsibility to tell her myself. I have so fucked up everything. I don't know why I let my mom's ravings affect me. I know she regrets my conception, which happened while she was still in High School and I know she thought she was doing the right thing keeping me and marrying my reluctant father, he was forced into the marriage by both sets of parents. It was never his choice.

I don't want Alice and I ending up in trouble. I do use contraception with her and I am a responsible lover but things happen. If I spend every afternoon and Saturday night with her, I will fuck it all up one way or the other, I know that. My feelings for her are way too intense and I have to try and let others in to dilute their intensity. Is that using people? Don't we all use people to some extent? Edward has a reputation for using girls, yet he is still a nice guy. He is trying to put his past behind him and I think its obvious he likes Bella and would jump in if I stepped back. I wonder how much of that fact is behind his threat to tell her I am still with Alice? Is he just planning on being the rebound guy? Bella talks about him and seems quite fond of him in many ways.

I curse myself that I took advantage of her obvious feelings for me. She wears her heart on her sleeve and when I decided I had to start seeing other girls, she was the obvious choice, because I knew she would go along with it. I lied to her and she didn't deserve that. I told her my heart had changed toward Alice and that is a blasphemy. I just didn't see how Bella would want anything to do with me if she knew my heart belongs to Alice.

Its weird,knowing what I have to do today, what I have to tell her, I feel like I am letting myself down as well as her because we did have something. Maybe nothing like what Alice and I have, but definitely something. She is my belle and I will treasure the time she graciously allowed me to kiss her lips and be in her presence.

I have learned some things about myself lately. I am not my father and I do not have to follow in his footsteps and make his mistakes.

I will treat women better, this was a terrible lapse in judgement.

I will have to let my belle go and hope she finds a soft place to land when I let her fall of the cliff that is us.

Make no mistake, there is an us. Its a smaller and more gentle us than what Alice and I are, but its an us. I love her just a bit, in my own way. I cannot love two women equally and be fair to both of them so I must step back from the one who owns the smaller part of my heart.

**See, I do love Jasper. If you want to be in the running for the ticket, leave a review. You know you want to**


	10. Chapter 10

Rowc10

**A/N The sun is up, the sky is blue, the river is down!**

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter 10

Sunday Morning Coming Down

BELLA'S POV

I slept soundly Saturday night without knowing why and woke up calm and serene Sunday morning. I lay there before I opened my eyes and tried to think of why today felt different to every other morning. I felt....loved. Cherished. Surrounded by an aura of peace and comfort.

My pillow moved and my eyes shot open.

Edward lay beside me, his arms around me, my head on his chest.

I was surprised but when I thought about it, we had talked well into the early hours so it wasn't surprising we had fallen asleep.I had climbed under the blankets when the night got cold but Edward was laying above them.

I am grateful for Edward, now we are friends and that other stuff is in the past, I can say honestly I am glad we got to really know one another. We knew nothing about each other in the cinema days, now I feel like he is my best friend. Weird. I guess its a back to front relationship, usually you start out friends and sometimes go further at some point. We did it in reverse.

I pulled out of his arms and he grabbed at me in his sleep and pulled me back. I giggled, he was so cute asleep, his face relaxed and his smile was there, pulling his mouth into a soft grin. Good dream, I suspect. I was about to shake him awake when he spoke.

"Love you, Bella.."

Shit.

Clearly a dream. Maybe he was dreaming about the stuff we had done and meant he loved my body because his eyes had always told me that, even when he barely spoke to me. Or maybe he loved me as a friend. I love Jess, I love Jacob, I guess I even love Edward when it comes down to it.

I shook his torso and his emerald eyes opened, confusion about where he was evident.

"Um, Edward, Jasper is coming over this morning and it may be best he doesn't find you in my bed." I laughed.

I wasn't worried, Jasper knew Edward and I were friends and it was no more meaningful that we shared a bed last night than if Jess had slept here.

We were both fully dressed, Edward still had his shoes on, even. That must have been uncomfortable.

He smiled and said good morning and kissed my cheek then the top of my head, his fingers lingered on my jaw and he gazed into my eyes.

"You know you are my best friend, Bella. I want to be here for you in whatever capacity you want me. Part of me, all of me, any part of me is yours."

I smiled at him. He has changed so much lately.

"You know what, Edward? I really love the you I see before me right now. I never thought I would say that. Thanks for the talk last night. I did want company. I felt kind of..jumpy before you arrived."

"I feel very protective of you, Bella. If I could protect you from all the hurts of this world, I would."

Charlie may be home, Sundays he doesn't have a regular shift but he is always happy to fill in if the officer in charge needs family time on weekends so I opened my bedroom door and looked down the hall. His door was open, his bed made. At work, then unless he was fishing with Billy Black.

"Go have a shower and I will cook us some breakfast." I handed Edward a bath towel and pushed him towards the single bathroom this house had. It was always a sore point with me, I would love a bathroom of my own.

Edward staggered down the hallway and I heard the water run. Into my mind came a flash of a naked Edward and I gasped at myself. God, I was a tart. And I had never seen Edward naked.

'Put that in your book of regrets, bitch.' I told myself and laughed again.

He was so fit and his body was lean yet strong and his abs felt quite something to lie on or stroke.

'Okay Bella, boyfriend Jasper, inappropriate to be thinking of not boyfriend, Edward. Go cook breakfast for same.'

I broke six eggs into a bowl and added milk and put the pan on to heat up as I grilled strips of bacon and threw some bread into the toaster.

"Something smells good" said a not Edward voice and my dad walked in the backdoor.

Shit.

This was not going to be pretty.

The sound of the shower running could be clearly heard here downstairs.

"Um, dad, don't freak. Edward fell asleep here last night. He is in the shower. It's not like you think, he is just my friend."

"Relax, Bells, I looked in on you when I got home this morning and saw he was above the covers and fully clothed. I trust you and I would expect Carlisle Cullen's son to be a gentleman anyway."

Phew. What he doesn't know, won't hurt him.

Edward came downstairs and dad held out a hand and shook Edwards shaky hand. The look on Edward's face was priceless.

His eyes were flicking towards the hook my fathers service revolver hung on in its gunbelt, to Dads face and back.

"Relax, Edward. I trust any son of Carlisle Cullen, he would not raise his sons to take advantage of women. Thank you for staying with Bells last night. I actually felt better knowing she hadn't been home alone. I would not be so accepting had you been undressed or under the blankets but what was going on was fine. Feel free to stay any night Bells needs you.I trust my daughter and I believe you will act responsibly with her."

Edward paled a little at the irony but shook Dads hand and promised to always do what was best for me.

"I am not an idiot, Edward, I looked into your school records at Forks High and there has never been any trouble from you or your brother. I wouldn't let any boy with a record of bad behavior past that front door."

Edward positively squirmed in his seat. No doubt he was thanking God that Forks High had not been informed of his past indiscretions at other schools. He looked truly repentant.

We all make mistakes, I know I can stick my hand up to having made a few of my own.

We ate and Dad talked to Edward about his future plans, he was planning to be a music teacher, there, something I didn't know myself. He had thought about becoming a doctor but felt the eight years of training was too long and hard on any family he may eventually have. I knew he had the brains to be a doctor but it was a taxing profession and from what he said, Carlisle had rarely been home while they were growing up.

Kind of like Charlie. He worked his own shifts and always a few of others, he particularly wanted to help out family men with kids needing their dad at sports events and such. Maybe the fact I was never in a team of any sort was why he had never taken time off when I was small. I hadn't minded, my mom and I were close back them, before she left and divorced us. Charlie always said she divorced him, not me, but she left us both so I knew she divorced us.

I cleared the table and filled the sink with sudsy water and Edward appeared beside me, taking the tea towel and drying the dishes I washed. Charlie looked stunned, like he didn't actually realize it didn't take female hormones to do household chores.

"I'm off fishing with Billy and Harry today. Take care, you two. Your welcome here anytime, Edward. Bye."

He left and I picked up a handful of soap bubbles and placed them on Edward's head.

"Oh, Carlisle Cullen would only raise perfect sons, hey Edward. My dad finds you completely trustworthy, hey Edward. Lucky he never goes to the cinema, hey Edward" I joked.

He growled at me and flicked the teatowel at my bum. I shrieked and jumped away, splashing him with dishwater.

"Right, Swan, you touched the hair and nobody touches the hair and now you wet my shirt. Looking for some cheap thrill? Trying to see my nipples, hey. "

He picked up a glass and filled it to the brim with clean water from the cold tap.

Shit.

He stalked slowly towards me, the glass held high.

"So, if Charlie ever heard about anything happening in any cinema.. I think he would know it was his perverted daughter who tries to turn men into entries in a wet Tshirt competition, behind any shenanigans. He trusts me, I think he would believe me over you, Swan."

I backed away but my hips hit the dividing breakfast bar and I was trapped. Predator and prey.

Edward looked at the glass of water then at me, then at the glass.

"Hmm, I wonder if there are any other contestants in this wet Tshirt competition.?"

"Please no, Edward, don't, its so cold."

"So, I can be cold as ice but you need to stay warm blooded? Maybe I should change you to one of us Cold Ones?"

He tipped the glass above my head and a few drops of water ran down my face.

I shrieked and he suddenly put the glass down on the bench and leaned in and kissed my lips. I was stunned and even more stunned when I started kissing him back. It was just a sweet kiss, a kiss of...friendship. Yes, friendship.

"Hello, anyone home?"

Jasper.

Shit.

I had forgotten he was even coming over for a while there.

Edwards face closed down and he turned to the kitchen and started mopping up the floor with a towel.

I felt a blush start on my face and ran to the door where Jasper stood, smiling at me.

"Edward and I were just washing up. He dropped in for breakfast."

The lie was out of my mouth before I even thought the words .

"Edward, good morning" said Jasper, suddenly subdued.

"So, what are your plans today, Jasper?" said Edward, suddenly his velvet voice was gone, replaced by a harsher version. He leaned against the bench with his arms folded and glared at Jasper.

"I plan to take Bella to the meadow and have a chat with her."

"No, not the meadow" snarled Edward.

I was astonished.

He strode towards Jasper and looked almost feral. His eyes had darkened so they almost looked black and his lip was curled back in a snarl.

Jasper held his ground and I knew I was missing something important here.

Edward stopped inches from Jaspers face.

"Not. The. Meadow." he repeated. "Do not taint the meadow."

"Fine. LaPush beach then."

"Fine" snapped Edward.

I had no idea what the meadow was bur clearly Jasper and I were not welcome there. I had never seen Edward like this and he and Jasper were friends, weren't they?

They stared at each other in the eye for minutes and I decided I had better break things up before things got broken up in a bad way.

"C'mon Jaz. See you later, Edward."

"Take your phone, Bella. Call me if you need me."

I looked at him, puzzled. I was going out with Jasper, why would I need him?

"Fine" I huffed and grabbed my cell off the table and put it in my coat pocket.

Great, we are back to that again?


	11. Chapter 11

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter 11

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

JASPER'S POV

My encounter with Edward left me nervous and afraid. He knew what I had to do, I knew what I had to do, Bella was oblivious that there was even anything needing to be done.

I really wanted to take her to the meadow. Edward and I had been playing guitar at his house one afternoon and we decided it was too hot so we went to redo some photos Edward was not happy with for the project. It was cooler in the forest and we ended up going futher in than we intended. Edward was debating whether we were still on Cullen property when the trees suddenly stopped and a beautiful, wild flower filled meadow lay before us. A small brook babbled in the background and the meadow itself was a circular shape, with trees surrounding the perimeter.

It was pretty and peaceful and just the place to take a pretty girl on a date or to break up with her and have it remembered as being at least in a magical setting. I hoped the magic would soften the blow.

But Edward had violently opposed us going there and I had a feeling I should listen and not cross him at this point. He seemed to be teetering on the edge of sanity, almost.

I had rehearsed my speech for Bella a hundred times and it still sounded wrong. It made us sound wrong and nothing as pure as Bella could be wrong.

I drove to La Push and we got out and walked along the beach. Then I saw the cave entrance and turned us around and walked back. I was getting more nervous and unsure every minute. How did I do this without making her feel used and abandoned?

We found a path and followed it upwards and ended up on top of the cliffs. The view was amazing, we could see way out to sea and the waves crashed into the shore below us, swirling and sucking out again as they pounded the rocks. Bella sat right on the edge, with her legs hanging into space. I was quite scared to sit beside her but she was nonchalant so I pretended to be as well.

"Well, clearly somethings up, Jaz. What's going on? Why is Edward mad at you?"

It gave me an opening and I took it.

"Edward came home early from the cinema last night."

"Yeah, there were no trailers so it ended earlier than usual."

"Bella, I have to make a confession then please promise you will give me a chance to explain."

"Okay,Jaz."

Her brown eyes looked at me with faith and trust and I felt even worse.

"You know Alice and I had some problems? The problem was, I was scared we were becoming too intense. Our feelings were spiraling out of control. God, Bella, I am 18 years old and a high school student and I proposed to my girlfriend."

"You proposed? Did she turn you down?"

"Yes, she turned me down but not because she doesn't love me. She loves me very much. And I love her."

I sat and watched her face change as she digested this.

"You love Alice?"

"I do. I was scared I was following the same path of self destruction my parents walked along. They got pregnant in high school and were forced to marry. I didn't want that to happen to Alice and I. I want to marry her someday, when we are both ready, not because she gets pregnant. We are using contraception but things can happen."

"You are using contraception? You are still sleeping with her?"

"Yes, I am. I sleep with her, at her house, every Saturday night after I drop my Mom at her meeting."

"Right. So, let me sum it up. You love Alice, you are sleeping with Alice. What the hell am I , then?"

"You are a very sweet girl who allowed me into her heart when I didn't deserve to be invited. I always intended telling you. I just didn't know when was the right time."

"I don't think there is a right time for that little titbit , what am I again?"

"I needed to ease off with Alice, slow things down. I thought, if we both dated others it may keep us from rushing things so much?" It was a question. Did she understand what I meant?

"So, I am someone you are dating because you are scared to fully commit to Alice?"

"Yes. I'm so sorry."

"You know, Jasper, I have crushed on you for a long time and I thought I was getting to know the real you but I was very wrong, wasn't I?"

"Yes, you were. I am sorry, Darlin'"

She shuddered at the pet name.

"Don't."

I hung my head in shame.

"Jaz, its okay. Really. I am glad you decided to be honest and tell me before this went any further."

"Thank you, sweet girl. I don't deserve your praise."

"Why not?"

"Because it was Edward who forced me to tell you."

"Edward?"

"He caught Alice and I last night and he gave me one day's grace to tell you myself or he was going to."

"So Edward knew this last night before he came to my room?"

"Edward came to your room?"

"He climbed through my window and we talked and he fell asleep. He slept on my bed with me last night. Seeing we are doing full disclosure."

"So, this morning..."

"He was having breakfast with me and Charlie."

"I see."

"Don't. Jaz. Don't make this sound dirty. He is my best friend."

"I know. He cares about you a lot."

"I am sure he does."

"Don't be mad at him for not telling you."

"I'm not. I just wonder what he was thinking, coming to my room last night."

"So,what happens now?" she continued.

"Now you know the truth, its up to you entirely. Do you want to keep dating me, knowing I also date Alice?"

"If you just dated Alice, I would say 'sure" but you love Alice and you sleep with Alice. Surely she doesn't want you dating me?"

"Alice is upset but she knows we have to slow things down."

"Yeah, well I don't think I want to be your speed bump."

"That's fine, Darlin'. I will miss you. Can we still be friends?I mean that."

"I dunno, Jaz. I need time to think."

"Sure. Can I take you for coffee?"

"Now?"

"Yeah."

"No. I think I want to stay here for a while and just think."

"I will wait in the car."

"No, I think you should go. Jake will drive me home."

"I don't like leaving you here, darlin'"

"I don't like being your distraction, but these things happen. Please go. I don't want to talk to you or look at you at the moment."

"Are you okay, sweet Bella?"

"I think so. It's not like we were soulmates."

"No."

"It's just a shock to see the real you. So unlike what I thought."

"I am so sorry, my belle."

"Jasper.."

"Yes.."

"Quit with the cutesy names or you might lose a couple of balls."

x x x x x x x x x x x

BELLA'S POV

Well, that was...unexpected.

Now I can see why Edward was mad and worried.

He really was concerned for me.

He is a true friend, anyway.

So, my boyfriend is really Alice's boyfriend.

Hm.

So, I am the other woman?

Well, had he asked me to be, I guess I would have tossed my panties aside for him one day soon.

It's not like I didn't toss my panties aside for Edward.

I don't even want to think any more.

I will go see Jacob and see if he wants to hang out.

Maybe I will tell him my whole sorry tale and see what he thinks.

I don't know what I think yet.

I walked slowly towars Jacob's garage and he was sitting beside his car parts as usual.

"Bells."

He called as he saw me approach.

"What's up? I haven't seen you in ages."

He stood up and peeled his Tshirt off.

It was rather hot.

I gazed at the new improved Jacob.

What the Fuck??

When did he stop being skinny little boy Jacob and turn into hot bodied fully developed man meat Jacob?

"What happened to you? You look...all grown up."

"I am all grown up. Taller than you, shrimp biscuit."

"Stop with the shrimp biscuit or I will call you Steroid Boy."

"Okay, deal."

"So, do all your friends look like you do now?"

"Oh yeah. Embry is almost as tall as me."

"What, ten foot eleven."

"Six foot six inches, Bella."

"Its way tall, Jake."

"Way tall to anyone five foot one"

"Five foot four, smartie."

"Sorry, I guess every inch counts at your height."

"So, what are you doing today?"

"I rebuilt the engines of a couple of dirt bikes. Quil was going to come riding with me but his Mom grounded him for not doing his homework."

"Okay. Let's go dirt biking."

"You, Bella Swan, I -trip- over- level- surfaces- Bella -Swan, wants to go dirt biking?"

"Oh, why not? I am sick of safe and boring."

X x x x x x x x x x

JACOB'S POV

So, Bella is impressed with the body. It makes my months of working out so worth it.

I always fancied Bella but because she is three measly months older than me, she refuses to see me as dating material.

I have a feeling that might have just changed.

She will strain a muscle in her neck if she cranes it any closer.

"So, Bella, what are you doing here anyway?"

"Oh, my sort of boyfriend brought me to the beach to dump me."

"Nice. Classy. You attracted a high class boy there, Bells."

"Yep. I did."

"So, want to be my girl?"

"Want to be my rebound?"

"Sure. Rebound is good."

"Jacob, you are crazy."

"Yep, but I will take you anyway I can get you, you know that."

"Wait. Do you have a girlfriend you will lie about and sneak off to visit and sleep with once a week?"

"No, sorry. Is that a requirement?"

"Probably."

"Well, we can talk about it. Want to stay for dinner? Charlie is staying. Sue is cooking."

"Okay, so long as Sue is cooking because its a well known fact rebound guys can't cook."

"Is that so? Well, rebound guys can make you forget all your troubles."

"That would be nice."

"So, this loser with the once a week fuckbuddy..."

"Jasper. And she is not a fuckbuddy, she is his soulmate. He loves her. He just dates me."

"And no more?"

"Nope. I am done. I have had two tricky..relationships in a row. If you want to be the third car in the car wreck that is my life, welcome aboard."

"What are the qualifications?"

"Endless patience while I cry over Jasper, and talk endlessly about Jasper, and justify everything Jasper did. Still willing?"

"Sure, Bells. How about a movie in Port Angeles this Saturday night."

She bit her lower lip and looked at the ground.

"I will get back to you. I kind of go to the movies in Forks with Edward Cullen Saturday nights. Well, I did this week."

"Boyfriend?"

"No, Jacob, best friend."

"I thought I was your best friend?"

"Not any more. You are my rebound guy. Its a promotion."

"Then I get preferential treatment over your best friend."

"Okay, I guess. I mean, he only took me this week. He never said anything about it being a regular thing. We didn't agree to go next week."

"Good. Zombie movie and popcorn with your rebound guy this Saturday night. Its a date."

Yes!

Finally.

It's Jake's turn.

And I won't be giving her back.

**So, who is pulling their hair out? Am I a bitch or what?**


	12. Chapter 12

Row 61 Seats A&B

Chapter 12

My sister, Jaspers Bitch.

EDWARD'S POV

I paced the floor and worried about how things were going. That motherfucker Jasper was taking his goddamn time. How long does it take to tell someone you are a two timing douchebag who doesn't deserve to live? How was Bella taking it? Was she devastated? Crying? Should I go to her? Why hadn't she phoned? Did she need me?

I gave in and rang her number.

It rang. And rang. It went to voicemail.

"Bella, are you okay? It's Edward. Ring me please. I can come get you. Or not. Whatever you want. Please ring me."

I got in my car. I drove straight to Charlie's house. I knocked on the door for five minutes, I checked the backyard, I looked up at her closed window.

Was she inside? Curled up in a ball of misery on her bed?

I climbed up the motherfucker of a tree and peered inside. No Bella.

I drove around town but my car was drawn towards LaPush. There was no sign of Jaspers car, no sign of Bella.

I drove home and there it was, that fuckers car in MY driveway. Was Bella here?

I ran inside and called to Alice. No answer. I finally found them sitting outside near the pool.

"Where is she?" I growled at him.

"Who?"

"Bella, you prick. Is she okay?"

"Yes, she took it better than I expected. She was pissed off but fine."

"Where is she?" I repeated. Clearly he was as stupid as he looked.

"I left her on the cliff at LaPush."

"YOU LEFT HER ON A CLIFF AT LA PUSH?"

"She was fine, Edward. I am sure she got Jake to drive her home."

"Then why isn't she at home?What time did you leave her?'

"About 2 hours ago."

"Two hours ago? She has been missing two fucking hours and you haven't told anyone?"

"Edward, calm down. Bella is 18 years old, she is allowed to go out without telling you" piped up Alice. Always on the fuckers side.

"She thought she loved your bastard of a boyfriend. He dumped her on a fucking cliff and left her there. Join the dots, Alice. You are as freaking bad as him,"

I slammed the door and got back in my car.

I tried to ring Bella again. No answer, it went to voicemail.

I drove way over the speed limit to La Push again and walked along the cliff. Had she jumped?

God damn.

I should have come with them, or followed her here and waited, or, or.....

I should have let him take her to the meadow but I loved that meadow. I had plans for that meadow and they didn't include Jasper tainting it before I got Bella there.

It looks to me like a place you could ask a girl to go out with you. Or even be your girlfriend. Your first real girlfriend. That you respected and loved.

I walked around the streets and remembered Jake lived down this road. His house was easy to spot, it was large and red and barnlike. I was about to knock on the door when I heard a shriek and ran to the garage standing alone at the back.

Bella was here!

She was fine.

She was chasing Jacob Black around the yard , trying to rip his Tshirt off him by the looks.

"Jacob, come on, surely your girlfriend has the right to see your naked pecs. Take the Tshirt back off or I will rip it off."

Girlfriend?

I watched her, stunned. She didn't look heart broken. She looked beautiful. Flushed from running,. Her eyes were shining and she was laughing.

Laughing.

I never expected to hear her laugh again. Not for a long long time.

She noticed me at last.

"Edward? Whats happened?"

"Nothing. I was worried about you. Did Jasper..."

"Break up with me? Tell me he loves Alice? Yes and yes."

Jake walked over and put his arm around Bella's waist in a possessive manner.

"Edward."

"Jacob."

"Nice to see you looking out for my girl."

"Your girl?"

"I'm her rebound guy." He laughed like that was funny.

"Rebound guy?"

"Sure. She got dumped today and she came to me so I asked her to be my girl and she asked me to be her rebound guy."

"Are you two serious?"

"Oh why not, Edward. Jasper is a douche. I am so over him. Jake is my ex best friend. I promoted him to rebound guy."

I glared at him then at her.

They had to be fucking kidding me.

"I thought you may have done something stupid."

"What?"

"Well, he said he left you on a cliff?"

"Edward, you are serious? You thought I would jump? Over Jasper Whitlock?"

"I...I was just worried."

"I had a crush on the guy. For years. Then as I got to know him, my opinion of him changed. I kept telling myself he was what I wanted but he wasn't being honest and if there is one thing I cannot stand, its a liar."

Her eyes were overbright and she blushed.

"Bella, how about you go inside and get us all a soda out of the fridge." said Jake.

Bella smiled and walked to the house.

"She is not as okay as she acts. She has broken down and cried twice already."

" I rang her, she didn't answer."

"Oh the cell signal can be erratic here."

"So, you are her boyfriend now? Wasn't that rather quick?"

"If you call the five years I have adored her and wanted to date her, quick, then yes."

"And you think its what she needs? A new boyfriend the day she lost the first one?"

"I will be here for her, Edward. I think her pride is hurt as much as anything. This way, it will confuse people, they will think she dumped him. That prick. If I see him here I will kick his sorry ass, Edward."

"I think I have dibs on kicking his ass. I caught him and my sister together last night. They were not even honest with her."

Your sister was involved?"

"Oh, Alice is Jaspers bitch. She would go along with whatever he said so long as she keeps a part of him."

"So, you are her new best friend?"

"Yeah, it would seem so."

"She needs friends, Edward. She is so independent and never asks for help. Even if we don't work out, I will always be there for Bella. She knows that, I think this is making it easier for her. And don't worry. I will not take advantage of her. She has already tried...stuff.

I know she is acting out because she is hurting."

I was alarmed to hear she had tried "stuff' with Jacob. I was glad he was a decent guy.

"Do you think I should take her home?"

"Nah, Charlie is staying for his dinner, Sue is going to be cooking. Do you want to stay? You are welcome. I hear Charlie loves you."

"Yeah. Ironic."

I didn't explain to him what I meant.

Bella returned with a tray of sandwiches and sodas.

"Lunch" she announced.

"Come on you two, why so serious? Come eat."

We walked to the wooden table and chairs on the grass and sat down. Bella smiled brightly and handed out sodas. Jake was right. This was an act.

"Jake and I are going to the movies in Port Angeles this Saturday, our first date."

I was gutted. Saturday night. At least when she was with Jasper, I got Saturday night.

Jake saw my face.

"Hey, why don't we make it Friday night? That would suit me better" he said, shooting a look of understanding to me.

Bella smiled then turned and walked inside.

I saw tears in her eyes and wanted to follow her and take her in my arms and kiss them away. But I didn't. I was just the best friend.

"I think she will need us both, Edward. You take Saturday nights, I will take her on dates Friday nights and do stuff here on Sundays. Charlie and my dad fish Sundays so it will work out okay."

I was grateful he included me. He was right. She was hurting and she needed us both.

Bella came out and sat down ,looking down at the table but talking quickly. Something about the beach being unlucky for her. She was not herself, that was for sure.

My presence didn't seem to be helping so when Jake cleared the table and took the plates and tray inside, I reached out and held Bella's hands.

"It will be okay, love. Jake and I will be here for you. I will pick you up before school tomorrow."

"Okay Edward" she whispered.

"Do...can I come tonight and stay with you again?"

Her eyes lit up and she almost smiled.

"I really want you to. I don't want to be alone tonight."

"What time will you be home?"

"Eight or nine, Charlie has early shift in the morning."

"I will be there at nine. Leave the window open for me."

I kissed her forehead and her hands and handed her over to Jake as he returned.

"Bye Jake, and thanks."

I looked him in the eye. He knew I wasn't thanking him for lunch.

"No worries, Edward. Be seeing you. And thanks."

This could work. It might all be okay. So long as we both put Bella first and get her through the rough days, she would be okay.

It was she who needed us at the moment and we would be there for her, no matter what the cost to ourselves.

I had a feeling Jacob knew exactly what I wanted and he wanted the same.  
He didn't have her and he knew that, this was simply her way of coping.

We were on equal footing and I was the one who would be sleeping in her bed at night.

For as long as she needed me, I would be there.

**See, Jake's a good guy, Bella isn't the floozy you seem to think she is, she is coping. Her way. And Sweetward wants whats best for her. Sigh. It will get happy again soon.**

**Leave me your thoughts. I love your theories and ideas btw, dear reviewers. And we just hit 200 reviews! Thank you all so much.**


	13. Chapter 13

**OK, this is kind of fluff and fill but necessary. I have written the next chapter and its where we all want it to be. A mix of Sweetward and Sexward. I will post it tonight or tomorrow.. 17,899 hits to date. Feed me and I will keep feeding you. IF you all keep reviewing every chapter even if I have slipped a new chapter in early, I will keep multiple updates coming because my brain just likes writing this story. Chapter 11 got 25 reviews maybe because I held on to C12 until morning here. If C12 and C13 get 25 reviews, I will just post new chapters as I finish them as I am happy (ecstatic, dancing a happy dance) with that.**

Row 61 Seats A&B

Chapter 13

Face Your Demons.

BELLA'S POV

Today I seriously wondered if Jasper had made me bi-polar. I was up, I was down. The ups were high and heady and intoxicating, the lows were devastating and soul destroying and so very lonely. I made a complete fool of my self so many times. I am just glad it was with Jacob because if there is one person in this world who knows me and understands me, no matter what bullshit may spew forth from my mouth, its Jake.

I was chatting away while he played mechanic, and suddenly, it hit me hard.

Jasper was a cheat and a liar. I almost thought I loved him, you know? I had seen glimpses of the future, me and him sharing an apartment away from this small town while we went to college, Jasper carrying me across the threshold, Jasper being beside me when I gave birth to small, black haired babies with piercing blue eyes like their father.

Then Jake would look at me and I knew the tears were pouring down my face and my heart was ripping in two, and I just couldn't stop.

Jake dropped what he was doing and put his massive arms around me and pulled me to his chest and I cried until the world ran out of water and my eyes became a desert. Then he leaned in and kissed me softly and even though I knew it was a quiet kiss of comfort and probably what I needed, suddenly I wanted more so I kissed him back roughly and cruelly and bit his lip and ground my body into his.

He just stepped back and held me at arms length and the look said he understood, and this wasn't me and he would not let me get out of control.

Then the tears started again, because I knew I was being ridiculous, sleeping with Jake was not going to fix the fuckup between Jasper and I, in fact it would simply be yet another mistake in my fast becoming thick book of mistakes Bella has made this year.

I felt so low and so abused and so disillusioned and how was I supposed to go to school tomorrow and look at Jasper and look at Alice, and be some weak and transparent form of normal, because any other kind was just not going to happen.

Jake would not be there for me at school.

Then Edward said he would pick me up before school, so I knew Edward was Team Bella as well and maybe , maybe I can survive.

I laughed and I cried my way through the day and by the time Charlie got back to Blacks, I was a wrung out dishrag mess with nothing left to feel.

I ate and I think I sang, which can't have been good, and I washed up plates and I handed out deserts, and made coffee and was the ever helpful Bella but my mind was numb and had Tom Cruise walked in, I would have simply handed his a plate of apple pie and a coffee. Even if Hannibal Lecter had turned up, he would have been offered desert.

I wondered all the way home with Charlie, who I was now? I knew who I was yesterday but now I seemed to be someone different.

I climbed the stairs and got in the shower and only got out when Charlie bashed on the bathroom door and said the planet would appreciate me leaving a little water for everyone else.

I sat on my bed and dried my hair and realized the blasted tears were back, how much can a body cry before dehydration kills it?

I climbed into bed and lay in the dark and wondered if this was my life from now on.

Sad. Defeated. . Tossed aside . Gullible. Stupid.

I shut my eyes and tried to remember yesterday, when I had a life. Even this morning. The kitchen play with Edward. I was truly happy this morning. How could things change so much so quickly? Maybe Edward had been closer to the truth than he knew. Had I stayed on that cliff and been there when the first tsunami of pain had hit, I may well have just taken a few steps to escape.

Escape.

There is no escape.

Tomorrow I will be the fool and the subject of gossip and the recipient of pity. God, not pity. Hate me, love me, don't pity me. I cannot stand pity.

Pity simply confirms what you already know, that you are unworthy and foolish.

My body is exhausted but my brain won't shut down.

I really need to sleep.

But what if I have nightmares? What if I see myself jump off that cliff and wake up screaming?

What if I have dreams and everything is okay and Jasper loves me then I have to wake up?

I pick the nightmares.

Then suddenly there are warm arms surrounding me and soft breath on my neck and Edward has his face buried in my hair and is breathing me in. I know he does this, he pretends to be indifferent to me but he loves how I smell. He can't hide it when we are laying here together.

I don't think its a sex thing, I think he just likes me. At last.

And I like him. He is truly a different person now. He exudes care and concern.

He cares for me like my parents should have when I was a child.

I feel like he puts me first now.

Isn't that the definition of a true friend?

I snuggle in his embrace and he kisses the top of my head.

I stifle a giggle.

He does that then I wait for him to freeze and realize he should not have done that because that's the routine. My part is to pretend I didn't notice.

He is very hands on but that's just Edward .My Edward, anyway.

I think I know an Edward nobody else does.

He craves to touch and even though he used to fulfill that need in the wrong way, he still has it and he has to touch me and his hugs feel like a soft blanket and a roaring fire and home.

I kind of expected to talk to him tonight and vent my rage and anger but the desire to has gone.

I just want to sleep and be cherished in his arms of love.

I can feel his love, it radiates out from him.

I don't want to examine what it means yet.

Does he love me?

Does he simply feel grounded when he touches me like I do ?

Are we meant to be, some day?

Not today.

I sigh and wonder if I am imagining these feelings.

Edward has never asked me out on a date or even for a coffee.

Oh yes, he did once, after the cinema.

I didn't go.

I kind of regret that now.

I wonder if I had gone that day, if I would have met the real Edward and been able to avoid everything thats happened since.

You take a path and you never know until its too late if it was the right path.

You soon know if its the wrong path, thats for sure.

I was on the wrong path and I got tossed off it and left in the forest, alone and broken.

I wish I hated Jasper.

It would make things so much easier.

I wish he would disappear or I would disappear.

I wish I could turn back time and just watch him and crush on him from afar.

I liked that Jasper.

He was everything I wanted him to be.

He had no cracks and faults.

He was perfect.

It doesn't pay to scratch the surface when you find perfection.

Leave its facade there and admire it from afar.

Morning comes too soon.

Edward cast his magic spell and I slept all night.

He calms me like a drug and even though I dread today, I dread it a little less because he will be there beside me.

He kisses my cheek and climbs out of bed and leaves by the front door.

Charlie says nothing at breakfast.

I guess he knew I needed Edward last night and he is not about to object because then he might have to step up to the plate and comfort me himself.

I don't think Charlie knows how to do comfort.

He would probably ship me of to my mom rather than put his arms around me and kiss my head.

Edward is back and I try to look like its just another day.

I get in his car and he smiles and holds my hand and kisses my knuckles so I try to smile back.

He pulls in at the carpark and my stomach is flipping and my mouth is dry and I am not sure my legs work.

He is at my door, opening it like some old fashioned gentleman.

He smiles and closes the door then puts his arm around my waist.

I think he knows I cannot walk in there by myself.

To my astonishment, nobody looks at me with pity.

A few girls look at me with outright envy and I wonder why.

Why would they envy me?

Then I realize, right, I have Edward Cullen's arm around my waist.

I feel a little cheered.

I would much rather be envied.

I stand up straighter and smile at them.

My Edward chuckles and leans in.

"See, you are not an object of pity. Every boy here wishes he was me right now."

I hadn't noticed the boys.

I look up.

Mike is almost green with envy.

Okay.

Edward is right, and I realize, I really am not that interesting or important, that everyone here waits to see if I got dumped.

Edward catches my eye and we grin at each other.

Cullen/Swan, the team to beat.

Together we can overcome everything.

God, there he is.

Alice is standing beside him and he is chatting to Angela.

Fury rips through me.

He is choosing a replacement Bella.

"Nice kitty, he is not worth it" whispers Edward.

Huh.

He is right.

We walk through to the library and to my surprise, there are no tears.

EDWARD'S POV

I spent another night in Paradise with an angel wrapped in my arms and I feel so full and warm in her presence.

I think my being there soothed her.

I expected her to cry all night and to drench my shirt but she didn't

She slept.

She dreamt.

She said my name.

I stopped breathing.

She said "My Edward."

I flew straight to Heaven and held her tighter.

I wanted to be closer and the only possible way to be closer is not an option.

I don't even think of it as sex any more.

Its a connection that I yearn for.

She would truly be mine then.

She was so fucking brave this morning, walking into school.

She stood up straight and she looked everyone in the eye and she even smiled at me and we had one of those moments, when you acknowledge its you and me against the world.

I managed to stop her going into a rage at the sight of Fucker Whitlock moving in one his new prey.

I will be having a quiet word with Whitlock.

There may be blood.

It has to be out of school because Charlie would hear if it happened here.

I watch the slimy little motherfucker from afar and he spreads his charm around but he is honed in on the Webber girl.

I want to warn her but at lunchtime when I go to get Bella's lunch, I notice something.

He is all smiles and charm while his eyes dart around seeking my stupid sister.

Angela's eyes are darting around and she smiles without realizing when they land on Ben Cheney.

Huh.

She is not even aware Jasper is hitting on her.

Or if she is, its far too meaningless for her to acknowledge.

I like the Webber girl.

She is my kind of girl.

She knows a douche when she sees one and doesn't even pretend to buy his shit.

I hope Cheney steps up to the plate and claims her.

I take Bella's lunch to her.

Un-fucking-believably, my sister and her douche sit at our table.

Bella catches my eye and shrugs.

Okay.

I am taking my lead from her.

"So, Bella , I hope there are no hard feelings. I would like to be your friend." says Alice.

For the first time in my life, I want to hit a female.

Hard.

"None, Alice," Bella replies. Her voice doesn't quake and she sounds like its pretty unimportant, like saying "No, I don't care I didn't get a Coke."

"I have no interest in joining your polygamous arrangement." she adds.

"Well, good for you. I hope you can move on past this." says Alice.

"Actually, I have a date with Jake this Friday. Is that soon enough for you? Will it salve your conscious once he and I get serious?" she asks.

I grab her hand under the table and squeeze it. Don't overplay this, Bella.

Alice turns to me.

"Where were you last night, Edward? Your absence was noted."

"Not in the bed of anyone's girlfriend." I answer.

Though, technically, that's exactly where I had been.

I can't wait for this shit to be over and done and our real lives to begin.

**Please review. My long time readers will have gotten my dig at my 'shameful' story now removed. See, I can laugh at myself.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Okay, we all are sick of writers who say go to you tube and play this song as you read but this is one time I really need you to do that or you wont get it. Edwards song for Bella is Wicked Game by Chris Isaak (Official video is best, not a remix)...I have no idea why it doesnt say by Edward Cullen, must be his stage name. Please go listen to it when the time comes in this chapter. PLEASE .Play it at grad, not the audition.**

**Warning, it is panty dampening. its not typical love song, its an admittance of surrender., It 's a message to her. I hope you all get it.**

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter 14

Epiphanies.

BELLA'S POV

The first week was not as rough as I expected but I think it is mainly down to the fact that Edward is always by my side. I don't have a chance to slip back into Emo Bella because he is always there and he senses the exact moment my mood starts to slip and he distracts me.

I am really rapidly getting to the point where I wonder what the hell I even saw in Jasper.

He has been smiling too widely and trying to entice so many different girls with his need for more 'muses', if I overhear one more girl say "I am Jasper Whitlock's new muse" in their squeaky fangirl voices, I will puke.

On them, probably.

I hope everyone forgets I was once his muse because I want that fact stricken from my record.

My Friday night dates with Jake are...nice. He treats me like I am made of porcelain and may crack apart at any moment. I am stronger every week and his fear I am still damaged is annoying me. He has no faith that I can heal and have in fact come out stronger.

My Saturday nights with Edward are a scream. Now we sit there and make up our own dialog as the movie progresses. He always makes Tom Cruise sound like a gay hairdresser. He neighs whenever Julia Roberts speaks. When Johnny Depp appears, he leans in and whispers "Is it wrong I want to snatch Alice's ticket back off you and give it to Johnny? He is so freaking hot."

Oh yeah, Edward is a funny boy.

I slap him and tell him if Johnny Depp gets anyone's ticket, it will be me giving him Edwards.

He glares and I giggle and steal his popcorn.

He slides his arm around me and steals my chocolate bar.

He tried to unwrap it without me hearing and I kiss him as he is about to put a piece of it in his mouth.

Then I laugh at his face.

He gets all flustered and confused.

I love playing with Edward.

We rank every actor on 'doability' and he argues when I give anyone a ten out of ten. Brad Pitt has dropped from a nine to a three, after Edward explained no one would touch him now after Angelina yet he rates her an eight. Scarlett Johanson is his only ten.

"Oh yeah" I agree."I would do her myself."

His eyes glaze over.

"Would I be allowed to witness that, because that would be my ultimate fantasy?"

"It would?" I ask.

"Whats your fantasy?" he asks me.

"Hm, it would involve Henry Cavill and Jonathan Rhys Meyers. And me."

"You know when he gets sick of chicks he cuts their heads off, right?"

"No man is perfect, Edward."

"I would have totally kept Anne Boyelin, she was hott."

"And she ignored all his screwing around while they were married."

"That's not a good thing, Bella. No man should make a commitment then screw around."

Its too close to home.

"So, how about you, me and Johnny Depp?" I suggest, to lighten the atmosphere back to where we were.

"Are we talking Captain Jack Sparrow? Because he seemed totally into guys as well as chicks to me."

"Oh yes. the Captain could board my ship any time he liked" I answered.

"What about Orlando? Whats he get rated?"

"Hm, an eight? And so does Hugh Grant."

"Bella, Hugh Grant is a player. In life and in movies."

"But you know that going in. What you see is what you get. I never understood Bridget Jones turning down part time with Hugh for full time with Mr Darcy."

"Bella, you don't like Mr Darcy? I thought it was compulsory for girls to crush on Mr Darcy?"

"No, the one time I got asked to leave a cinema was when Mr Darcy was splashing about in that lake, in the poofy white shirt. I thought he just looked uncomfortable and wet.I couldn't stop laughing."

"So, Mr Darcy would not win the wet Tshirt competition?"

"Mr Darcy would not be allowed to enter."

"So who is? Who am I competing against?"

"Well, Johnny obviously. Henry and Jonathan. Hmm, Henry and Jonathan wet..."

"Sounds like Henry and Jonathan cause Bella to get a little wet."

"Definitely."

"Is Scarlett allowed to enter?"

"No, no girls."

"Can she enter the jello wrestling competition?"

"Who is she up against?"

"You. Did I mention, its a naked competition?"

"Oh, so my fantasies have to wear Tshirts and yours don't?"

"It doesn't take a lot of effort to get rid of a Tshirt."

My ladies bits are getting a little too involved so I am relieved when the lights come on. Oh, the movie had ended. I hadn't noticed.

Grad is looming and the commitee is trying something different this year. They want to use some of our music students as the entertainment at the after grad party instead of just the usual dj and they want to spotlight our best artist at the end of the night.

This means Jasper will play some songs no doubt but I am hoping Edward will, too. He has a style of his own and when he used to jam with Jasper at his house, I used to feel guilty for thinking Edward was the more talented one.

Try outs are beginning today and I am helping organize them of course because Bella Swan is a helpful student who goes on committees and has a natural knack for finding talented muso's. Of course, she has no musical ability of her own.

The usual hopefuls turn up and I try to smile and be encouraging even as we cross them off the list of contenders.

Jasper is super confident he doesn't need to audition but we insist he does so he smirks and says he is sure he will be the spotlighted entertainer and he plays some of his usual stuff and I wonder if he is as good as he thinks. Or is it simply sour grapes on my part? The other members judging think he is good but they are hoping for outstanding.

I have to make Edward audition.

I seek out Edward and ask him to consider auditioning.

He agrees on one condition. I can't be one of the judges. He thinks I will be prejudiced towards him and not impartial. I agree to step down and he insists I have to leave the building entirely.

I shrug and agree. Whatever it takes.

I see him outside the door after yet another abysmal singer finishes and I start to wonder just how good our music students are. I stand and go and kiss Edward for good luck as I pass him, standing there with his steel guitar, looking like sex on legs.

Damn, I wish I could stay for this.

I order, yes order, Angela to text me the moment he is done so I can come back and see what they think of his talent.

Edward watches me walk away and I wave to show him, I am obeying, I am going.I am not some little sneak who will come back the moment his back is turned. I wish I was.

It seems like forever but Angela's text arrives.

One word.

WOW.

I rush back as Edward walks out.

"Well, how did it go?" I ask him.

"Okay. I think they liked me."

I show him the text and he smirks.

"See you soon" I tell him and rush inside.

The women on the panel look stunned, flushed, excited, aroused?

The men look jealous, inferior, like he was what they want to be.

"Well, lets see a show of hands" says Angela and every hand shoots up.

"So, he is in" I shout, jumping around like a maniac.

"Oh he was already in. He is our showcase artist."

I am floored.

He was better than Jasper, I am right.

"Can I tell him?"I plead.

Angela smiles a knowing smile and gives me permission.

I run to the carpark and Edward is sitting in his Volvo, his guitar in the back.

"Am I in?" he asks.

He looks uncertain.

"Yes, it was close but you got in." I answer.

"How many votes?" he asks.

"Oh, a few. Enough."

"Am I on before or after Jasper. Before, I assume seeing he will be Spotlighted."

"Hmm" I hum.

He starts the car.

"Where to?"

"I have to go kiss the Spotlighted talent" I answer.

He growls.

"You will kiss Whitlock over my very cold dead body" he spits out.

"Lucky it isn't Jasper then" I reply.

"Who is it?" he asks, puzzled.

He knows Jasper is considered the pick of the bunch.

"He is meeting me in my bedroom and I am kissing the living daylights out of him because I am so proud." I reply.

"You let other boys in your bedroom?" he snarls.

"No" I reply.

Silence.

He sorts it out in his head.

"Me?" he asks, shocked.

"You." I answer."Go pucker up."

EDWARDS POV

I try to stay somewhere around the speed limit but knowing her lips and mine are about to reacquaint themselves properly, I find it hard to comply.

I park in her mercifully empty driveway and she laughs at my eagerness. I guess my cards are out on the table for all to see, now.

I grab my guitar and lay it on Charlie's couch and Bella pulls me upstairs to the familiar room where I spend my nights.

Once inside, she looks a little like she is shy and shocked at herself so I sit beside her on her bed and rub small circles on her back.

"Pay up, Swan, you are not backing out now." I say, my voice low and husky.

"It's just a kiss. It doesn't mean anything." she replies.

"Right. Nothing." I confirm.

I will say whatever she wants to hear. Whatever will get those honey lips on mine.

She stands up and walks out the door.

"Where are you escaping to?" I ask.

"Just cleaning my teeth." she replies.

Is she flustered?

My heart skips a beat.

She comes back, all peppermint and fresh and I stand and kiss her before she has time to go wash her hair or something.

She tastes like Bella and I drown in her essence.

She is shy and hesitant at first then she feels my tongue asking to enter her mouth and she parts her lips.

I slide inside her mouth and she sucks on my tongue lightly and I see stars.

We move our bodies closer and I feel every inch of her pressed up against me.

I hope she doesn't feel my erection because I don't want to spoil this.

She sighs and pulls back to gasp in air.

"That was..."

"Nothing?" I suggest, daring her to deny she felt something, anything, during that kiss.

She looks at me.

"Nothing".

Okay, we are playing the denial game I see.

A knife twists in my heart at the possibility she really felt nothing.

She says the word but her eyes and body send an entirely different message.

We take a step back and gaze into each others eyes.

She looks...different. Something has changed in her.

"Bells, I am home" calls Charlie and we go downstairs.

BELLA'S POV

Holy shit, I am in love with Edward Cullen.

EDWARD'S POV

Grad comes and we walk on stage and smile and leave our high school years behind. Everyone laughs and hugs and kisses each other and finally, the only one who counts is in my arms.

"Congratulations, Edward."

"You too, Bella. We did it."

"We did .Now , tonight..."

"Pick you up at 8" I reply before my parents drag me off to dinner with the family.

My eyes stay on Bella until we are outside and I can no longer see her.

I pick up Bella and she looks amazing. She has an almost there tiny black dress on and a blue lace shawl draped around her shoulders. Her hair is soft and shiny and straight and smells of strawberries. Her eyes are dark and sexy as hell and I want to take her somewhere else, where we can be alone.

Everyone is there and we go inside.

The music is loud and a band from the music department is set up and playing popular dance songs. I pull Bella in close and dance like every song is a slow song.

She feels perfect and she is buzzing with excitement.

I am a little nervous.

How will she react to my song for her?

Jasper is up and he sounds almost Bob Dylan-ish and he doesn't draw the crowd in as he once did.

Angela Webber is on stage and she makes the announcement.

"Our spotlighted singer this year is Edward Cullen. Edward, please come on up."

Bella hands me my guitar and I kiss her in front of everyone then walk up on stage.

The lights are dimmed. Bella has forced her way through the students and is standing about ten foot in front of me. The spotlight singles me out and I start my song for her.

There are other faces but they are a blur.

I can only see her.

She has tears of understanding on her face.

She can take my heart and trample it because she has all my power.

I love Bella Swan.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N Please read note at bottom of chapter and respond. EVERYONE!**

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter 15

I Wish The Real World Would Just Stop Hassling Me.

BELLA'S POV

I was confused at first at Edward's song, he didn't want to fall in love, with me? His eyes told a different story and later I heard Eric Yorkie explaining the meaning of Wicked Game to Lauren, who still looked vacant at the end of his comments. I felt enlightened then. So, he does want to fall in love but he is scared to. Fair enough.

I hope Eric is right. In the past I have asked him the meaning of lyrics and his insight has been enlightening. I tend to listen and jump to the obvious conclusion but tonight, Edward's body and face and his green eyes all spoke of love and hope, so the words seemed to be somewhat irrelevant.

I am not sure where I want to take this. It seems kind of delicate and breakable new love and I want it to be stronger and more confident before we move on it.

Edward was mobbed by half the girls in the room and many boyfriends stood about, rolling their eyes at each other and looking miffed. Mike jumped in front of me with a smile on his face.

"So, Bella. Would you let me have one dance? Before we go off to our respective colleges and never see each other again?"

A little dramatic. We live in Forks, we will be back to visit. I am sure we will be bumping into each other all our lives, if our parents remain living here. Which is likely. Charlie will never relocate and Newtons have their stores and the nicest house in town, other than the Cullen's house, which is technically not in town but outside, on the edge of the forest.

I dance with Mike to the generic dj music that ends the night. I keep my distance and avoid his attempts to pull me closer. Jess is staring at us and I roll my eyes at her to confirm, nuh, not happening. I have heard it is Mike's fantasy to devirginize me after Grad. Any de- virginizing will not be happening tonight. I can't see myself ready for that move for some time yet.

And I would like to see if anything comes of Edward and I.

"So, are you looking forward to moving to New York?" he asks.

He is staying closer to home, going to college in Seattle. His future is already planned out for him, as an only child, he will run and eventually inherit his parents various stores. He is doing business management at college with that in mind. Jess is going to SeattleU as well, having rich parents has ensured her place as she would never get in on her shaky grades. She plans to stick close to Mike and have him down the aisle before he gets snapped up by some college girl.

I think she is crazy. Marriage? Not my thing. She thinks a wedding ring ensures her happy ever after. She ought to talk to Charlie about that. Didn't work out that way for him.

"I am, I just don't know where to live. Charlie insists on a dorm but I would love to get off campus. But that means a shared apartment and I don't have many close friends that I would want to room with."

"I wish I was going. I would room with you."

I slap him on the arm. Okay, dance is over.

I look around for Edward but can't see him.

Alice and Jasper are slow dancing and gazing into each others eyes like they are devoted and monogamous. Maybe they will be, now they are leaving Forks. Alice asked me about sharing an apartment in NY and I laughed in her face. Even though I could not care about what she and Jasper do or don't do, or who with, I will not be on hand to witness any of it.I don't understand for the life of me why she even asked me. Surely she isn't so delusional that she would think I want to be with Jasper again?

Edward comes in the door, having put his guitar in his car I assume, as he no longer has it. He looks around and heads straight for me when his eyes meet mine. He pulls me into his arms and kisses my head.

"Did you like your song?" he asks.

"Sure. It was interesting."

"Did you understand it?"

"I think so, Eric analyzed and explained."

"Good."

We swayed in time to the music.

"When are you moving to New York?" he asks.

"Well, I have a part time job in the diner for the break so I guess I will go just before school starts. You?"

"I will hang around here too, then."

My heart flutters a little at the news.

"My parents are insisting I share an apartment with Alice" he says.

Damn!

Maybe she was being nice, asking me if I wanted to share.

"Charlie wants me in a dorm for the first year at least." I tell him.

He frowns but says nothing.

"Who will you share with, do you know?"

"I have applied to share with Angela."

"Good. I like her. She won't be bringing home frat boys."

"She hopes to be bringing home Ben Cheney." I answer.

Edward laughs.

"Good on her. He is a good kid."

Most of the students are going on afterwards to private parties and although I had been invited to several, I don't intend going. Tonight has been perfect and I want to keep it that way. Nice and simple and memorable.

Edward drives me home and has my door open as soon as we stop. I am a little disappointed.

He walks me to our front door and then, as I turn to put the key in, he turns me toward him and kisses me.

His hands rub my back and he pulls me in closer.

His kiss is deep and sweet and non demanding.

He steps back and keeps his hands on my shoulders.

"Bella. Don't take this the wrong way."

"Okay." My stomach clenches.

Those words never preface anything good.

"I am not sleeping in your bed any more."

"Okay. Why?"

I had thought we were getting closer. maybe not.

"I want to do things right. I would like to take you out on dates and continue to do so in college. I think we need to leave the whole best friends part behind here in Forks so we may as well start now."

Okay. I am happy again. We are moving on forwards, not backwards.

"I understand."

He smiles and steps in closer. His scent is heady and overpowers my brain.

He kisses me again.

His tongue enters my mouth and meets my tongue and they tangle and parry one another in a fight for dominance. I let his win.

"Will you come out on a date with me, Bella?"

"Sure. When?'

"Tomorrow night?"

Friday night? Jake's night? Jake won't care. And I know who I would rather be with.

"Okay. Where to?"

"I thought maybe a little Italian place in Port Angeles?"

"That sounds good."

"I will pick you up at 6."

"See you then."

I go to step away.

He grabs me back and kisses me again.

"I need to ask you something."

"hmm"

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

I am surprised. This is happening fast.

"Yes, I would love to be your girlfriend."

"You need to tell Jacob."

"What?" I ask.

"I don't share and I know you don't share."

"No more Friday night dates with him, then?"

"Nope. I get your Friday nights from now on. Boyfriend trumps rebound guy."

"Are you sure you won't spend one last night in my bed before we start our new routine?" I ask, a little wistfully.

"I really think that would be a bad idea. Really bad."

He rest his forehead on mine and entangles his fingers with my fingers.

I realize, he is right. If we do this, if it has any chance of working, we have to do it right.

I finally make it inside and wander upstairs in a daze. I sit and gaze out of my bedroom window. The moonlight highlights the forest behind the house. I pull the window almost closed, now it has no need to stay open.

I grab my phone and text Jake. I don't feel like facing him in person. He knew our time together was limited anyway, with me going away to college and him staying here. He is apprenticing in a local car mechanics shop.

Bed looks inviting and I strip and fall into bed stark naked. My clean clothes are still downstairs in the clothes dryer. No need for pajamas with no bedtime buddy here to share my bed.

I can still smell Edward faintly on my pillow so I cuddle it and fall asleep.

Some time later I wake with a start. A cold breeze is filling the room from the wide open window.A shadowy figure is approaching my bed.

"Edward" I sigh, barely conscious and open the blanket back for him.

I switch the bedside lamp on.

"Jacob, actually." says a voice, harsh and filled with pain.

I jump up, forgetting my lack of clothes.

"Oh, I see, he sneaks into your bed and sleeps with you."

I look around for some item of clothing to cover myself with.

Jacob grabs my wrists and forces his mouth onto mine.

I start to struggle but realize there is no point. He is way stronger than I am.

This is a nightmare.I have to trust that Jake would never do anything to me that I didn't want him to do. I shut my lips firmly and stand dead still.I don't move a single muscle and I wait for my complete lask of response to give him the message.

He moves his lips harder and more insistently.

I remain still and keep my mouth in a firmly closed line.

He sighs and his body relaxes from the ramrod straightness he had been standing.

He finally steps back.

A sound at my window makes us both look toward it.

I see a flash of copper hair disappear and I feel the earth drop away.

Edward.

Edward just saw me standing here, naked, kissing Jake.

Thats what it would look like to him, anyway.

Jacob laughs cruelly.

"I hate you, Jacob Black." I say with the last of my emotions.

He turns and leaves and I barely notice.

X x x x x x x X

Morning comes and I lay in bed. There is no point getting up.

My phone sits beside my pillow,silently. You know how sometimes a situation is so fucked up, you just stop fighting and accept its not salvageable? This was my moment. I know if it had been me at Edward's window seeing him naked with a girl I knew wanted him, kissing, I would find it very hard to trust what he said over what I saw with my own eyes. My texts to him, trying to explain the unexplainable are all unanswered.

I spend the day cleaning the house, especially my room which is now a place where one bad occurrence has scoured away the many nights of happiness.

I imagine I hear the sound that signifies a new text message a hundred times and rush to read it but there is nothing there.

I ring Edward but get voicemail. I try to explain but each message comes out worse than the last so I give up.

I am dressed and ready and completely in denial by 6pm and I sit on our front stoop, and the rain washes away the makeup I had so carefully applied. My hair is a sodden stringy mess, and my dress is so wet it weighs as much as I do. My shoes are definetely ruined. That's good. They are my favorites and I need to do penance for my sins.

I now see what I could have and should have done.

I should have raised my knee and hit him between his legs.

I should have opened my mouth and let his tongue in then bitten it, hard.

A mouthful of blood pouring down his chin would have sent a clear message to Jake and to anyone watching.

Its funny, isn't it, how you can see all the solutions when it's too late? Yet at the time, it seems like there are none.

I wonder if one day in the future, what I should have done today to fix this, will occur to me and I will say "I wish I had thought of that at the time."

Charlie comes home hours later and drags me inside.

He strips me to my soaked bra and panties and pushes me into the shower.

Even in my fog of despair, I can feel his embarrassment.

The hot water both burns and numbs me and I finally go to bed.

Naked.

I can be naked forever now, because nobody will ever come in my window again.

Charlie was a little mad when he saw the thirty or so nails I had hammered into the window frame.

Today is my first shift at the diner so I put my Bella the diner lady mask in place and greet the customers and take their orders. I must be good because I have a jar full of tips by the end of the day. Mike's parents own the diner, as they own every other business just about, if the Cullen's don't own them, in Forks.

Mike comes in for coffee five times.

The caffeine must be playing havoc with his brain.

He leaves me five dollar tips each time so I chat to him and we talk about the grad and he tells me about his after party and who got drunk, sick or laid. Or all three.

I listen but absorb little.

Its Saturday night and the first one in ages since I had nowhere to go.

I seal up Alice's pass in an envelope and post it back to her on my way home.

I walk slowly, its raining again so I am wet through once again but at least I feel the cold and wet.

They are kind of like my new companions.

Mike asks his folks to give me more shifts so I am working at least eight hours a day and often a four hour shift at night.

Its good because I am tired and have no choice but to collapse in bed and sleep.

The weeks pass and my bank balance grows.

I wonder if it is too late to change colleges. I was accepted at SeattleU as well. Maybe I should accept my small town girl status and stay closer to Charlie. He is the only person who thinks I am important.

Jasper and Alice come into the diner and she makes a point of telling me, Edward had left for NY days after grad. He has insisted on getting his own apartment so she will be in the dorms. It is starting to sound much too hard and complicated.

Can I avoid him and not notice when he avoids me? We weren't taking any common classes, english and music teachers have little in common academically. I wish I had someone to talk to. Angela has gone to NY already,doing some pre course thing. I have no friends here any more.

Ben Cheney drops in the diner most days and updates me on Angela's news. She saw Edward Cullen one night when she was out with her fellow students.

He has a tall, blond girlfriend.

He has everything and I have nothing.

EDWARD'S POV

New York, its a wonderful city.

I found the ideal apartment for myself. Its two bed, two and a half bath, and has a massive loungeroom where my new piano sits in front of the window that overlooks the street below. After what happened, I stood up to my father and refused to share a place with Alice. When he refused to pay for my apartment as a result, I simply pulled funds from my trust account. My grandparents left each of us a tidy sum and I will gladly dip into mine to have a peaceful place to escape to.

I plan to go to college, attend my classes, and come home. No parties, no friends, no socializing. I will be on campus the bare minimum I have to be. I will be polite and stay on nodding terms with my old schoolmates who are here, but I will not be listening to their hometown gossip. There are stories I do not want to hear. Nobody has my cell number any more as I threw my phone to the ground and smashed it when a text arrived from her.

I didn't open it. What was there she could say?

"Sorry about not telling you I was fucking Jake?"

Didn't want to hear it.

I slept at her house most nights for months before. When the hell were they getting together? Friday nights was the only night I didn't sleep over as it was their date night so it must have been just a once a week arrangement. She did go to his place some Sundays, I guess you cannot assume two people would not fuck in the daylight. It never stopped me, why would it stop them?

I just wish she had told me. I would have stepped back. I never knew Jake was important to her. It never seemed that way. She rarely spoke of him and when she did, she was sort of dismissive. I didn't even see him as competition. Shows how arrogant I can be.

I have changed over the past few weeks and I fear I am slipping back to the old despised Edward that even my family hated. But what other choice is there? I opened my heart once and look what happened. She snuck in and tore it apart from the inside. Why didn't she say something after grad when I asked her to be my girlfriend? I know I had no claim on her and she was technically his girl at that point but I wish she had said something. Honesty was always so important to her, especially since the Jasper thing, I just assumed it went both ways and she was honest to everyone. Or at least to me.

My first instinct was to flee and save myself so I packed everything so I could go any time. Then the laminated pass arrived in the mail. It seems she needed us to call things off, too. I had forgotten about our date Friday night. It just went out of my head, what with my brain on hyperdrive, trying to sort out what happened, and what it meant. My parents knew something had gone down. I expect they assumed I fucked another 'wrong girl' or teacher or wife, and was getting out of Dodge. They made no attempt to talk me out of going. I am sure they thought, better they didn't know, then they don't have to avoid the person or persons involved.

Alice keeps me updated in the respect, she says "Saw Bella, she was with Mike again." I know that is ridiculous. Bella could have had Mike any time and she never did. She would not change and go with him now she is about to leave Forks. Alice has never said she was with Jake. I suppose they are still keeping it hidden.

I know there is the chance she was breaking up with him that night, like I asked her to, but it is the deceit that tore me apart. Even if that was the very last time they were together, he had been her first and she didn't even share that with me. I was supposed to be her best friend. She told me everything else.

When I got here, I tended to curl up in a ball on my bed and not venture outside but my neighbor was very persistent and kept dropping in all hours. Victoria is quite a girl. She sort of lives in the apartment next door but she has my second bedroom set up so when her parents visit, there is her virginal little bedroom, all girlie and nice, with posters of Justin Timberlake and George Clooney on the walls. She had the same arrangement with the last guy who rented this condo. She 'lives' in my spare bedroom and in exchange, she dates me, in the broadest sense of the word, when I need a girl on my arm.

It's not like you think. It's not a sex thing, we aren't fuckbuddies. She is a lesbian and her girlfriend is none other than Irina, sister of Tanya and Kate. Who lives nextdoor. Victoria's parents have no clue so if they assume we are sleeping together, so much the better for her as it covers her real sex life. Her parents are broadminded enough to accept her sleeping with me, whom she just met but not at all open to hearing and accepting her real orientation. I think its sad and I think she should just stand up to them and make them accept her real feelings but she is young and nervous and fears she will be outcast from the family she loves. She and I have long talks so she knows all about Bella and the mess I left behind and she is sympathetic and promises, any time I need a 'girlfriend', she is it. She has told me about her family and how they are otherwise the sweetest people alive but they are unbending when it comes to 'gays' whom her vicar father insists choose to be gay because it is trendy and they could equally choose to be straight, if they chose the good and righteous path over the evil downward path to hell.

Nobody at college knows of her inclinations so there is not going to be gossip or insinuations that I am her beard. People have already accepted us a couple and I have even been out to dinner with her parents and been grilled as their prospective son-in-law some day.I can play my part and it will take away all the embarrassment and outward awkwardness when Bella gets here. If she thinks I have moved on, she won't try and explain and apologize and such. I can't be friends with her any more because that would be too hard but I can be civil. Her crime is simply one of omission, after all. I know her well enough to trust she was breaking up with him for me. It was just the shock of seeing her naked for the first time, in his arms. I had fantisized about the naked part, just not the Jake part. I know I still love her but I can bury those feelings deep down and maybe they will smother without air to feed them. I have accepted, the fact I love her is my problem, not hers. She didn't ask me to love her and except for that one conversation, she never even admitted she had feelings for me at all. I was always trying to read her mind and know what she was thinking.I think she was at the point where she was interested to see if we could be something. That's all. Knowing the capacity she has to hurt me, its better to just let it go. We hadn't quite started so she has nothing to apologize for. We shared a few kisses and some time together as best friends. I would rather keep those memories and not sully the whole time with how she had not confided the most important thing to me. Maybe she didn't even realize how I felt. I could have spoken up sooner. We both made mistakes. But friends forgive mistakes.I can do that.

I saw Angela one night when Victoria and I were out, so I dare say word is back to Bella already. Small town gossip habits are hard to break even when you move to a city.

**A/N...I AM CONSIDERING GOING EITHER SWEETWARD OR ARE YOU READERS UP FOR A RETURN OF SEXWARD BEFORE THE HAPPY EVER AFTER?(sexward with Bella only..i dont do other lemons) i THINK BECAUSE IT STARTED HOT, YOU MUST HAVE LIKED SEXWARD BUT THEN YOU STAYED FOR SWEETWARD....PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME WHICH WAY YOU PREFER BECAUSE i AM GOING WITH MOST VOTES. sO EVEN IF YOU HAVE NEVER REVIEWED, ONE WORD IS ENOUGH IF YOU ARE SHY. jUST 'SWEETWARD" OR "SEXWARD' IS FINE IF YOU DONT WISH TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE.**

.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N Thanks all you 61 people who reviewed the last chapter, Please keep reviewing, its easy and it makes Sweetward happy and Sexward excited...they have been evenly voted for so maybe we will pop both into a blender and see what we end up with?**

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter 16

Playing The Player At His Own Game

BELLA'S POV

Arriving at college, my first task was to find my dorm, meet up with Angela and unpack. My second chore was to find Edward and force him to listen to my explanation. If he chooses to never speak to me again, well, that would be his decision but at least it would be a fully informed decision and I will go along with it.

I clasped the map of the campus in my hand and made my way through the maze of dorms until I found mine. It had three tiny bedrooms but at least we all had privacy. We had to share a bathroom and there was a sitting area too so it was not going to be too bad.I unpacked my clothes and sat on my bed. Angela came in and we squealed and hugged.

"Bella! Bella! I missed you so much."

"Angela. So good to see a friendly face. God, I needed you back home."

"I know honey, I am so sorry I wasn't there for you."

"So, do you know where he lives?"

"Sure. He even invited us back to his apartment one evening. He lives with a girl, you know. I told Ben to tell you."

"I know. I just want to speak to him, I am not going to cause trouble. There's just something that has to be said for me to be able to move on."

"Are you okay, Bella?"

"Not really. But life has a way of kicking you in the teeth. God, Ange, we came so close. So very close. I was happy, for a few brief hours. I was so happy. I just miss that feeling. It's like the world lost color, you know? His absence is everywhere."

"And Jake? Have you seen him again?"

"Yeah. he apologized but it was clear he was thrilled to bits he hurt Edward. He said it was just that he saw us as a potential couple and he was treading warily on our dates and not pushing things until I was ready. So when I sent the text and said basically, we were through, and I was dating Edward, he came over just to see me and see if I could say it face to face. He was hurt and it was a cowardly way for me to 'break up ' with him. I never saw us as a couple, Ange."

"I know, sweetie."

"So, he climbed in my window and when I mistook him for Edward and opened my blankets for him to climb in, he just lost it. He thought Edward and I had been sleeping together, as in, having sex. I was naked, Ange. It was partly my fault."

"Bella, it was not your fault. You did not invite Jake to climb in your window. Had he ever done that before?"

"Not since we were kids. Charlie used to send me to my room when I was grounded and Jake would climb the tree and help me out the window. I was always petrified and used to beg him to stay in my room with me instead but he never would.I think he liked to rescue me when I was scared."

"Nothing's changed,then. It doesn't explain the kiss and him grabbing your wrists."

"He said it was just shock at thinking he was being patient and waiting and Edward was...you know....not. And technically I was his girl at the time. The kiss was punishment and reaction to seeing me, well, nude. Kind of rage and hormones."

"God, Bella. You must have been scared."

"Only for a second. I knew deep down Jake would never hurt me. It was him hurting, not me."

"So, now?"

"We are family friends. He visits when Billy visits, we speak and be civil, but it won't ever be the same and nothing will ever develop between us. I feel he is like the brother I never had..The bad brother who you kind of avoid a little. We have a new line clearly drawn in the sand and he will never cross it again."

"Does Charlie know what happened?"

"I am sure Charlie knows something happened but he is Charlie. His head is firmly buried in the sand. He just needs Jake and I to be friends and not to rock the boat between him and Billy. I can do that."

"Yeah, well, I imagine this year away will be a good thing for you both."

"Yep. Distance and space. What we need."

"So, you and Edward...?"

"There is no me and Edward but I just need to tell him one thing, and once he has heard me out, I can just try and treat him like anyone else."

"Why do you have tears, then?"

"Because of what I lost. I think about him day and night. Night is worse and I am sorry in advance. I scream a little sometimes in my sleep. I dream he fell from the tree when he caught Jake and I."

"Honey, don't worry. Should I wake you? is it nightmares or sleepwalking you mustn't wake somebody up from?"

"That's sleepwalking, Ange. Sure, wake me if it goes on too long. I pity whoever is our third roomie. She will think she is sharing with a lunatic."

"Um, Bella? I don't know who to tell you this. Our third is Alice Cullen."

"God no, Ange. We have to do something. Get her out. Where's the office?"

"Believe me, I tried. There is nothing they will do. They decide on who goes where long before we all get here and they are happy with the arrangement seeing we know each other."

God, could my life get any worse?

I had to get out, I was not being the welcome committee for Alice, so I took the piece of paper with Edward's address and walked off campus. The houses nearby were nice and the gardens pretty. Edward's condo was tall and pretentious and exactly what I would expect him to choose.

He was on the tenth floor so I got in the lift.

I looked at Ange's scrawl. Was it 10 B or 10 D?

I walked along the hallway and the door to 10D was slightly ajar so I looked in. Two girls were wrapped in a passionate embrace, sucking each others face off. One noticed me as I jumped back, embarrassed to have been looking in their door.

"Hi, are you looking for us. I am Victoria, this is Irina."

"Victoria, you are going to get us caught if you don't shut the freaking door. What if she was your mother? Your cover would be blown sky high and you would be out of here and home locked in the basement or something.:

"If it helps, I am not her mother." I offered.

"Who are you looking for?" asked the blond one, Victoria.

"Um, Edward Cullen?"

"10B. He isn't in. I sort of live with him. Please don't say anything to anyone at all about what you saw. Irina and I are a couple and we have to pretend to be 'normal'. Edward is helping me out by letting me be his 'girlfriend.'. Whats your name? Can I tell him you called in? Holy crap, are you Bella?"

How did she know that?

"Um, yes. Bella Swan."

"Edward is going to kill me."

"He is? Why?"

"Because you are the reason he is covering for me. He wants you to think he has moved on and doesn't sit at home brooding like some Momma's boy every night. God, now he will kick me out."

"Look, I don't want to cause any trouble. Just forget I was here. I can pretend we never met if you can."

"Thanks Bella. I like you. I am damn sick of hearing about how wonderful you are but I like you. We should mess with him."

I raised my eyebrows. What was she suggesting?

I walked back home. Edward sat around moping? Over me? This was an eye opener. Maybe there was hope for us.

I got lost once but finally found my dorm. Alice, Jasper and Edward were all sitting in our sitting area on the small couch. Angela was sitting in the only chair, looking like she didn't know what to say and her eyes lit up in relief at the sight of me.

"So, hello Alice, Jasper...Edward."I said quietly.

"Bella, hi. I hope we can be good friends now we share. Go away boys, us girls need some girl bonding time." piped up Alice, oblivious to the atmosphere.

Edward and Jasper stood and walked to the door. Edward caught my eye and raised an eyebrow and mouthed 'hi.'

I mouthed a 'hi' back and he shut the door behind him. My heart was racing. He looked thinner and had purple bruises beneath his eyes. His hair was not its normal happy mess, it was dull and lifeless and just sat there.

I was worried about him.

"So, Bella. Good to see you and how cool that we all get to share."

"Yeah, Alice , cool."

"So, any hott boys here? Have you checked out the talent, Angela, seeing you have been here already?."

"I am dating Ben Cheney so I don't care what the boys here are like. Unlike you and Jasper, we are a couple, as in two. As in, we see each other and nobody else."

Alice's face dropped.

"You have no idea how badly I wish Jasper would find me enough. I hate all the shit he puts me through with his other 'muses'."

"So, he is still doing that shit here, Alice?" I asked.

"He says he will try not to but I know Jasper. He needs to be inspired and dating other girls inspires him to write and compose."

"Well, why don't you just leave him to it? If you accept his behavior, you are saying it's okay for him to do this. Think about it. If you had a dog and it peed on the carpet and you just cleaned up the mess it left, it would never learn to stop peeing on the carpet. If you grabbed it and threw its sorry ass outside, it would think "gee, I had better stop being a complete douche and change my ways and stop peeing on Alice."

I felt my face blush, the rant had gotten a little off track.

"Do you think so?" she asked quietly, shame faced.

"I agree with Bella. Besides, if the dog keeps peeing on the carpet, get rid of the dog and get one who has more respect. There 's more than one dog in the world and this place is full of eager young pups. Go choose a new puppy, Alice. And train this one right."

I think it may work out, after all.

Ange is a strong, independent woman, she inspires me all the time. Between us, we can be there for Alice.

I guess from her point of view, things look a little different. She puts up with so much from Jasper because she allows it. If she can see the facts, maybe she can move on.

Alice left to find Jasper and tell him of her decision.

I hoped the fact that Edward almost spoke to me means he is willing to let me explain. I collected my books and set up my laptop on the small desk next to my bed. It was beside the only window in the bedroom so I could see the path leading to our building three floors below.

After a while, Edward and Alice walked back down the path together, slowly. No Jasper.

Alice came inside and handed me a note.

I read it, Edward wanted to meet at the coffee shop in half an hour if I was willing. I got the map of the campus out and found the one he had chosen.

Maybe he would listen and let me explain.

I jumped in the shower and washed the dust from the trip off and shampoo'ed my hair and dried it straight with a brush and the hair dryer.

I spent ten minutes looking through my wardrobe. I wanted to look nice but not too eager. I gave up. Face it, Bella. You own jeans and Tshirts. You don't have dating clothes. Not that this is a date.

I grabbed my black skiiny jeans and a vintage band shirt and pulled on my trainers and went to meet Edward.

EDWARD'S POV

I had rung Victoria five times and left messages but she didn't get back to me. Damn her. I wanted to introduce her to Bella so things would be clear. Me, taken. No need for awkward explanation. Lets be civil and maybe even friends. With Alice sharing her rooms, I had to rethink my original plan. I would be running into Bella fairly regularly, so we had to come to some understanding of where we stood.

I chose an outdoor table and ordered coffee for us both and asked the barrista to wait until Bella arrived to make it.

I sat and waited and suddenly, they came into view. They. As in Bella and Victoria. Bella was walking from the north and Vicky from the south. On collision course.

Vicky arrived first so I quickly hissed at her that the girl approaching was Bella and she needed to be all over me, now. Vicky laughed and sat on my knee, winding her fingers through my hair.

Bella smile widely as she approached. Smiled. At me. With a girl on my lap.

"Hey, Edward, Victoria, long time no see. Good to see you here, baby"

Bella walked toward us and leaned in and kissed....Victoria!

On the lips!

I think there may have been tongue!

"You two know each other?" I spluttered.

"We are old friends" said Bella, in a low, sexy voice. She winked at Victoria.

"So, Vicky, you have switched teams? I never can make up my mind either. We need to get together and....discuss old times."

Victoria was smiling broadly and I felt like an interloper.

What the fuck!

I ran my fingers through my hair,grabbing it and tugging.

"Edward, don't get stressed. If you have first dibs, thats fine. You know I don't share." said Bella.

Victoria stood and went to order herself a coffee. She trailed one hand down my arm seductively and the other down Bella's. My brain threatened to explode.

"So, Edward. Can I explain what happened and you agree to just listen and give me five minutes without interrupting?" asked Bella.

I was confused. Was this her explanation about her and Jake or her and Victoria?

"Yes, whatever." I replied. I knew which story I was more interested in hearing, suddenly. My dick twitched in my pants and I suppressed a moan at the place my thoughts had raced to.

"Jake came to my room because I sent him the text breaking things off with him. I wasn't expecting you to come back so I didn't bother with pajamas. I have never let Jake into my room since we were ten. Charlie caught us climbing out the window via the tree once when I was grounded and he threatened Jake with bodilly harm if he ever came in that way again. That was the first time in eight years Jake had even been in my bedroom. Is that clear?"

I nodded.

It didn't explain the kissing.

"Jake was in shadow and I assumed it was you so I held my blankets open and told you to climb in. Then I realized it was Jake and jumped out of bed. I was shocked he was there and I forgot I had no clothes on.

I tried to cover up and he grabbed my wrists. I struggled then just let him kiss me so he would get it over and go away. I did not kiss him back. It frustrated the hell out of him and he got a little carried away. We heard you at the window.

Jake laughed and I told him I hated him and we have since sorted out new rules. He has to be in the company of someone else as well if he wants to spend time with me. No dates, no bedroom visits. Supervised visitation only. Clear?"

I nodded again.

The image of a naked Bella inviting me into her bed clouded my thought process.

That would have been some night.

"Any questions?"

"Um, so make this clear for me. You and Jake never had sex? Ever?"

"Never."

"So, you are still a virgin?" I asked quietly. It really was none of my business but I was desperate to know.

"Depends on your definition. A boy once put his penis inside me a little and then stopped. Am I still a virgin, Edward?"

I flushed at the memory.

"Yes, you are still a virgin, Bella, if the boy came to his senses in time and didn't take your greatest gift."

"Thank you. Then things are okay between us now?"

"Things are okay between us now."

She smiled and Vicky approached with the tray of coffees.

"So, what did you decide Bella?Do I spend odd nights in your bed and even nights in Edward's?"

They both laughed and I got a feeling I had been well and truly conned.

Women!

Can't live with them yet its against the law to kill them.

**Friday here so have a good weekend and see you all Monday , if not before. Cheers, Lynzi**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N Sorry for delay. I saw Remember Me then watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons, you would not have liked anything I wrote the mood I was in after those two movies. I loved Remember Me. Go see it. Our boy can really act.I know he was great in Twi and NM but this is a whole new level for him.**

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter

EDWARD'S POV

Having Bella back in my life was exhilarating and I wanted to rush her back into girlfriend status but my mind warned me to slow down. Things were happening to me. Being exposed to sex everywhere I looked, I was finding the old Edward Cullen trying harder and more persistently, to come out and play. Knowing Irina and Victoria were pleasuring each other right in the apartment next door, seeing young couples smile that smile, that says 'let's get back and make love', seeing the frat boys pursue girls openly simply for sex, it all roused my sleeping monster. Sex addiction is not something that goes away.

It may have been shocked into hiding for a while when my Mom left, but college brings new freedoms and opportunities and with sex sizzling everywhere around me, my mind was wandering to places I wasn't able to control.

When Bella explained about Jake and that kiss, all I heard was "I thought it was you and opened my blankets to invite you in", knowing she did that naked.....

Even when I realized she and Vicky were playing with me, my mind was in another place, where Bella and Vicky had been old friends and I was watching them together, waiting to throw Vicky aside, to take her place with a wet, eager , ready for me Bella. My every thought is of Bella but my every second thought is of sex.

Bella/sex/Bella/sex/Bella/having sex with Bella/Bella having sex with me/Bella taking me inside her mouth/me putting my mouth on Bella/Bella welcoming me inside her naked body......

I groaned.

Bella.

She is my Heaven and my Hell. My saviour and my executioner. My soft warm fuzzy peach and my shiny tempting apple.

She evokes two completely different groups of images in my head.

Bella splashing me with water, playful and cheeky.

Bella kissing me softly with love.

Bella and I, together, dating.

Bella and I, kissing and gently touching our foreheads together.

Bella and I clasping hands.

Then theres group Two.

Bella in a dark, cold cinema.

Bella allowing me to touch her most private areas.

Bella writhing as my mouth pleases her on her hot sex.

Bella moaning into my mouth as I try to quieten her sounds as I make her come.

Bella sliding her hand up and down my shaft.

Bella allowing my shaft inside her as I pound our way to victory.

Bella moaning as I move my body behind hers and claim another area nobody has been before.

I moan out loud at the images.

Some real, some just begging for me to make them real.

I love Bella but equally, I want Bella. I need Bella.

My heart is empty without her love. I know that, I lived that for weeks.

My bed is empty and cold without her body. I have resisted touching her in any sexual way for months now.

Just as my heart burns with longing to make her mine and to be hers, my body burns just as desperately to make her mine and be hers.

Can I reconcile the two Bella's and the two needs?

How far will she agree to go and how soon?

I cannot be as patient as I need to be, have to be, to make her trust me and love me again.

Once her scent is in my nose and her soft, sweet body in my arms, I want more, so much more.

Everything that happened in my life led me to Bella.

She wants me, I know that, but I fear her wants are of a much gentler nature than mine.

I know she wants the sweet Edward that kisses and touches gently.

I know she loves that Edward.

But what of the other Edward?

The demanding, sexual monster that he really is?

I have controlled and suppressed him for so long but I can feel him breaking out of his cage.

I yell at him and try to restrain him and put him back in but its getting harder and he seems stronger than me, now.

My fear of losing her completely is my only weapon now.

If I didn't love her with every cell of my body, she would be my fuckbuddy by now, I would be pounding and pleasing and taking pleasure from her and never leaving her bed. We would be touching and mouthing and exploring and entering and never leaving.

Do I want to drag her down to my level?

I want her as my girlfriend and I have no real worries that she will agree to that.

Whatever she may say or do, I can see the truth and the love in her eyes.

But the rest? She did love me touching her. She came back, week after week. It took Jasper and her years of longing for him to distract her from me.

I know he could never distract her now, I know he is no more important to her than anyone else. I know she never wanted Mike or that dog, Jake.

She fought Jake the only way she could and I know, complete disinterest is a much stronger weapon than the feeble attempts she could have made, and did make at first to push him away.

He could have mistaken a fighting, moving, wrestling Bella for a passionate Bella. But cold, still lips speak only one word.

No.

I have no problem now, as soon as she explained, I saw the picture that was before me that night clearly, as it truly had been, not as it appeared.

She was not moving. She was shackled by his hands on her wrists.

Her body was still and straight, not molded to seeking closeness, not begging for fulfillment,like she had with mine.

Her head was still, not moving against his lips as it moved against mine.

She was not searching, seeking, pleading.

She was resisting, damning, hating.

I would never want Bella to be like that with me.

Better the fighting, at least fighting is another passion.

That cold, still, shutdown Bella that Jake held was not a Bella I ever wanted.

That Bella would stab my heart and kill me dead.

Indifference is the biggest killer and bearer of pain and agony.

You can fight a fight but you cannot crack through the shell of indifference.

So, what is my next move?

If I cannot have her in every way, do I want her at all?

Of course I do.

I wish I could say, Bella loves me and that is enough.

It is nowhere near enough.

It is not on the same planet as enough.

Its like being offered a black forest gateau and taking just the cherry on top.

Its the sweet bit, the pretty bit but its not the real part.

I want the cherry and the substance it sits atop.

I want the chocolate, the bitter sweet taste it can bring to your mouth, the smoothness, the fulfillment, the body of the desert.

I want it all.

BELLA'S POV

Having Edward back in my life has made the color come back and the sun is warmer and brighter and my heart sings with happiness and pure joy. My eyes cannot stay away from his. They seek out those emerald orbs and drown inside them.

We sit together in cafes and on the expanse of lawn that divides the campus. We touch our fingers tentatively, both pretending we don't feel the current course from one to the other. He smiles and it lights up the world. He laughs and my heart laughs with him. He is everything.

He grabs me playfully around the waist from behind as I scurry from class to class, wanting the day to be done so we can be together and I can kiss his lips and touch his face and run my fingers through his hair.

He lifts me and swings me in a circle and my dress threatens to flow out a little too high. I laugh and he buries his nose in my hair and breathes me in.

His hair shines and the colors shift in the sunlight.

Copper and gold and blond and maybe light brown even. Its mixed and combined in a way that no other's hair is.

So soft, so beguiling, so much him.

On other guys, the messy hair, the unshaven chin, the casual clothes say "I am lazy, I don't care what you think of me.".

On Edward, they say "This is me. I am beautiful even when I don't try. I can dazzle and ensnare you without the pretty."

I love the pretty.

When we go somewhere special, he is all soft and clean shaven and the hair is shiny and clean and pretty.

I can bask in the splendor that is Edward.

When he is scruffy, I feel another thing altogether.

Its not my heart that quickens and melts and begs for him.

Its lower down than my heart.

It sends me images of a head between my thighs.

A hand buried between my legs.

Fingers coaxing feelings and sensations that I miss and dream about.

A mouth moving under a jacket, sucking and tasting and making nipples harden and tingle and making me wanton and needy and longing.

I know its not time for that yet. We have to rebuild and make sure the foundations are laid right and will be strong enough to support us forever. But I miss it so much. I miss that Edward. I miss those green eyes turning so dark they are almost black with need.

I miss the sound of his heartbeat fastening and throbbing with desire.

I love laying in his arms as they comfort and protect me but I remember when they clasped me tightly and needed what I needed.

Those hands, that touch me gently now, once aroused me to heights of passion I never knew existed.

I blush when I look at them because I am not thinking the kind of thoughts a cherished, chaste girl should think.

I am thinking of stroking and scissoring and reaching in deep and finding places I didn't know existed.

I watch his tongue lick away the last of his icecream and I see that tongue in other places, swirling and licking and pressing and releasing and lapping up juices.

I try to be the girl I should be. The girl everyone approves of. The girl I am perceived to be.

But there's another me and its trying to escape.

It wants to steal him away and imprison him and shackle him to a wall and make him take me in so many ways I blush and have to avoid eyes.

Eyes that would read my inner thoughts and know I am not the Bella everyone else sees.

I am the Bella he created.

My body is no longer mine, it is a traitor and it feels and wants and does things while I sleep that wake me, gasping and screaming for air.

I no longer scream in fear in the night.

But I do still scream

I scream his name as my body remembers him.

I want him

I want him all.

**A/N PLEASE review, good or bad. I know I have my Sweetward lovers and my Sexward lovers and I am trying to please everyone. Its not easy! Please say in your review how you found this story. I know I am being pimped and I love that! I need to know who my pimps are so say where you heard about this. Or are you one of my loyal fans who have stuck with me from my first efforts?**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N You reviewers make me wish this story could go on forever, I get such a buzz and often crack up laughing at your reviews. Some of them are better than the story. Thank you. I can't please everyone so will aim to please Bella and Edward!**

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter 18

The Rose Blooms

EDWARD'S POV

Watching, touching, tasting her mouth. I am allowed these pleasures. Bella and I are together every minute of every day and I take her on dates and I kiss her mouth and entwine my fingers in her hair and draw her to me. Her body fits against mine like it was made for me. I know she was, does she?

We are laughing and lying on the grass and the sun is kissing her gently and her hair shines with mahogany. Her eyes draw me in and I lay still and my lips smile of their own accord. I love that I love her. I have never felt love before but I know what it is now and I know what it feels like and I know I cannot even think of living without her love.

Nobody else exists for me. My parents call and admonish me for not staying in touch. I raise my eyebrows in surprise, I had forgotten they existed.

My whole world is slim and beautiful and warm and funny and when we are apart, I feel drawn to where she is. We grin as we meet up again and she has to touch me just as I have to touch her. Our fingers entwine and we are one.

Boys notice my Bella and she has no idea they exist. They follow her with their eyes and try to talk to her but she doesn't know how to listen anymore. I see them jump in front of her and she walks around them, oblivious they are courting her.

She sees them as annoying gnats, to be flicked away.

Who was that boy, Bella? I ask.

What boy? she replies, puzzled.

The one in the blue coat I say.

I didn't see him, Edward.

He was asking you out to dinner tonight, I tell her.

She is shocked.

How could he not know ?she asks.

Know what? I reply.

Know I am yours, she answers.

I understand. I occasionally hear the whispers and giggles of other girls as they speak to each other and egg each other on and say oh he is cute, go ask him.

I try to be polite and listen and shake my head pretending to be regretful but all I am thinking is, I must get to her. Go away, silly girl, I have my love and she is alone right now, she doesn't have me with her so I must go.

I forget to say goodbye or sorry or whatever.

How can anyone not see?

I pity them all. None of them have what we share. Some think they do and some pretend to feel what we feel but they have no idea. They may be soul mates, two souls who know each other like no other, but we are two halves of the one soul. We are twin flames and they rarely exist on earth at the same time but when they do, it is a forgone conclusion and nothing can stand in their way.

They may fight it and protest and resist but it is futile. A soul needs both its halves so it must claim and reunite and possess.

'Bella, you know you are mine."

"I do, Edward. As you are mine."

"You know this is forever. There is no other choice."

"Of course, my love."

I draw her body close and we look at the sky.

There are others around, walking past, maybe noticing us but we don't notice them.

"I need to do something special for you" I coo.

"Every time you take a breath, it is doing something special for me, Edward. Just stay with me always" she says with a lazy smile.

"I could not exist without you" I sigh.

"You will never have to" she affirms.

"Marry me, Bella" my mouth says.

"Yes, Edward" she replies.

There is no hesitation or time to consider, to think, to wonder if this is right.

We already know all that.

"When?" I ask.

"Now, today, tomorrow, next year, in ten years time." she answers.

She is right.

It doesn't matter.

Nothing will change.

She is mine as I am hers and no piece of paper is needed but it is wanted. We want the world to know.

But for now we know and thats enough.

"Am I your girlfriend, your fiancee?" she asks with a frown.

"No, you are me." I reply.

Her brow clears and her eyes laugh.

"I am you, Edward" she understands.

"Tell me a fantasy" I beg.

"A quiet room. The smell of roses. Moonlight. Kisses. Touches. Our bodies entwined. Our hearts beating as one." she says.

"Tonight" I whisper.

She comes to my room.

Nobody will impose on us tonight. I sent them away so we can stay.

Bella stands before me.

The room is dark but the moon is shining outside and its beams creep in the window and touch her skin.

I am jealous of the moon.

I take her hand and lead her to my bed.

The room smells of roses and love.

What does love smell like, you ask?

It smells like Bella.

Bella is love, didn't you know that?

I take her dress and ease it over her head.

I toss it somewhere.

I undo her bra and release her perfect breasts.

I slip a hand inside her panties and slide them down and away.

She smiles her secret smile and I touch her skin.

She laughs and pulls on my shirt and it is gone.

My jeans are harder to remove as there is something impeding their removal but she frees me and I stand straight and hard and needy.

My boxers disappear and she kisses my length and I feel warm all over.

I pull her to me and we lay beside each other and try to touch with every inch of our bodies at once. The bits that don't touch cry.

I rub her back, her sides, her belly. I rub her breasts that are mine and belong to only me.

The nipples harden and she sighs.

She touches my back and my sides and my chest and kisses my nipples gently.

I kiss hers in response.

She arches below me and pushes all herself closer, impossibly closer.

The monster is dormant tonight.

He is missing this.

He will never know.

This is not what he seeks.

This is love and worship.

My body enters hers and she welcomes me in.

I push through the barrier that stands between us being one.

It gives in and disappears .

It doesn't put up a fight.

It knows there is no point.

We are truly together.

I kiss her lips and taste her honey.

She rocks against me and I rock back.

Our bodies want to taste pleasure.

We move slowly and savor the moment.

Our first time.

This will stay in our hearts and minds forever.

There is no rush.

Nothing can change it.

She is me and I am her.

I can't tell when she begins and I end.

I don't try.

I push inside deeper, like I can disappear in her forever and nobody will ever find me again.

She opens up and allows me in.

She shivers in pleasure.

I shake at her anticipation.

She moves around me like a cloud.

I float and fall and rise and consume her.

Her body moves and draws me in deeper still.

I surrender and let her have me.

She starts to sigh and moan and shake so I push harder until she is flush against me everywhere and we are seeking and moving and crying out and it washes over us at the same time and we quivver and float and clasp on to each other so we don't fall and we drift and relax.

Our hearts have melded together, our bodies are but one now.

Nothing can come between us.

Its done and too late.

We lay entwined and warm and listen to our hearts beat as one inside our chest.

We kiss and whisper and touch and caress and I smile and feel her smile.

Its enough and not enough and everything.

We sleep and still we are joined.

She wakes me in the night.

It is dark and the jealous moon has run away in disappointment.

I stole her from him.

She wants my touches and my worship, not his.

She traces feathersoft patterns on my arms.

I kiss her fingers and whatever my lips can seek and reach.

Her lips seek mine and we kiss and taste and move and suckle.

I am inside and I feel myself grow harder and the want is still there.

It will never be satisfied.

Yet it is satisfied already.

She moves and I chase her movements with my own.

I catch her and we roll together so she sits above me and smiles down at me.

I raise and lower her gently and watch her face.

Her eyes cannot escape from mine.

They drink me in and I watch her face change from soft and loving to wanting and needy and to happy and satisfied.

I have filled her with my love and she has taken it all, every drop.

She falls onto me and I catch her.

I will never let her fall.

Morning comes and tries to part us but she doesn't leave.

We stand under the water in my shower and I wash every single inch of her body as my eyes worship her.

She is my temple.

Her fingers are lathered and soft and bubbles cling to my skin where she touches.

She is soft and warm and mine, all mine now.

Nobody has touched her before or ever will.

She will only ever know my touch and it is all for her.

I don 't even think of the others.

They never knew my love or touched my heart.

They used my body as I used theirs but it means nothing.

My life started last night.

All that came before is just a distant memory, elusive and faded.

I don't try to remember.

This is me now.

This is Bella.

We are one.

Don't come between us because you can't.

There is no room for you.

Go away and seek elsewhere.

We lay together, naked and clean.

My mouth kisses her lips, her neck, her collarbone.

Her pulse beats and her heart is happy.

My heart is overwhelmed and full.

I cannot speak.

My eyes have to tell her.

"I love you. I love all of you."

Oh, my lips have spoken.

I had thought them struck dumb by her beauty.

My lips find her cherry nipples and suck them in.

She moans a little cry.

I lick and swirl and she tenses.

I release and move further down.

I know where I am going.

She is waiting for my lips and she trembles with desire and love.

I lick and push my tongue deep within her folds.

Her honey runs onto my tongue.

I smack my lips and want more.

She flows into me and I suck and delve inside and find her sweet spot.

She stiffens in surprise then relaxes and cries like a kitten.

I rub and smooth and caress with my tongue until her walls shake and shudder and release more honey to me.

I lick and drink greedily, and know I will be back for more.

She lies there, soft and sated and compliant.

Her bones have melted and she molds to my body as I crawl back up beside her.

She whispers in my ear and I smile and hold her.

She loves me.

She loves me with everything she is.

I seek her entrance and she smiles again.

She wants me inside her again.

I push in gently, afraid she may be sore.

She isn't.

She is too happy to be sore.

She rocks against me, assuring me its what she wants.

I relax and smile and kiss her smile.

She sighs and smiles and seeks.

I surrender again and she takes me in.

We unite and move and please and I stroke inside her with myself.

She makes me need and want and have to be there.

She drains my love for her out into its new home inside her.

She keeps part of me with her now.

Noise and light and time all beckon.

Come back to us, you need to do what we say.

We ignore them.

Time has no meaning.

Nothing will happen if we stay together today.

The world wont miss us like we would miss each other if we parted.

It cannot happen today.

Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe not.

Maybe by tomorrow we will remember how to live apart for a little while and just feel the call.

Who knows?

We snuggle and sleep and my body surrounds hers as I hold her back to my chest, melding her to me.

We wake and eat, who knew you also still need food?

Bella sits naked on my couch.

I know now Vicky has to go, be gone, go to Irina and face her parents, her demons.

I need my space for Bella and nobody else can be here.

Bella falls asleep again in my arms as I watch her.

She sighs and smiles in her sleep and she murmurs my name with so much love it makes my heart hurt for her.

She has let me in completely now so I have to be exactly what she needs.

I have to tame the monster.

I have to banish and kill him because he can never touch her.

Bella wakes and smiles at me.

"Edward, tell me a fantasy" she says.

**Please review. No bribe. See, I can obey rules when they are pointed out to me. Cheers,Lynzi**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N OK, apparently I am breaking the rules by offering bribes. I had no idea my quality readers could be bought. So here instead of an outtake I knew they would remove within 24 hours, is a toned down version. I was merely trying to save them a smut violation email to me. (So, Mandee, no seat B ticket for you,either.) Thanks for reviews, a few 'perfect's in them (Thank you) and one 'corny' and one who didn't like that it was Edward's fantasy? Now, THIS is Edward's fantasy. Don't like, don't read. Cant please everyone.**

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter 19

Sexward Returns.

BELLA'S POV

I walk along to the taxi rank and get in the first cab.

I pull my coat and wish it was longer and covered more of me.

I check my short,black,flared skirt and low cut top and frilly white apron. My cleavage is out there, for all to see. I dare not bend over in case my suspenders are visible under this micro mini skirt. The fishnet stockings pinch my toes and the high heels are dangerously high for one such as me. And my lack of panties means I am conscious of every move.

I pay the driver who is looking at me in a way he shouldn't be, but I dare say its my fault for wearing the outfit, I probably should have worn my jeans and hoodie and changed when I got here.

I use the key Edward gave me and take my coat off and hang it beside the door. I take my feather duster out of my bag and start my 'chore", dusting the grand piano and looking out the window.

There is no dust so I imagine he has a cleaner, of the real genuine variety. One that cleans.

He is not here yet, I can tell. There is no buzzing within me, no senses on alert to his presence.

I sneak a quick look into the second bedroom. Vicky's stuff is all gone and the room is now a guest room/study. I wonder if it needs dusting.

The sound of the elevator makes me scuttle back to my job, dusting the imaginary dust off the piano. I hear keys in the door and footsteps in the room behind me.

Oh dear, the dust is everywhere, right over the other side so I have to lean and reach as far as I can.

Oh dear, I think my lack of panties just became obvious.

I hear his sharp intake of breath and feel him behind me.

"I think you missed some dust " he says, his voice low and husky.

"I'm sorry, sir. I shall try to clean it all off." and I bend even further and he grabs my hips and I feel his hardness against my sex.

The layer of denim between us does nothing to disguise how much he wants me.

I have a feeling this will be nothing like our first time.

He lifts me and turns me to face him and looks at me with smoldering eyes. He lays me across the piano and dares me to break his gaze as he removes his clothing, gracefully, one piece at a time, Not quite a strip tease but close.

"You really left a lot of dust" he says in a pseudo threatening tone.

"We need to remedy that."

He is above me in an instant and I briefly worry about how much weight a grand piano can take, but the moment his body touches mine, I don't care any more. He stares in my eyes and tries to hide the love and I almost smirk. He can be cold and indifferent and removed all he wants but the spark is still there, betraying him.

"Open your legs" he orders and I obey, trying to look submissive.

"Yes, sir."

He is inside me in an instant and I am right. This is hard and wild and the difference between fucking and making love. This is fucking and he pushes in and out roughly and I bite my lip to stop myself moaning out loud because to my shock, I like it.

His hands pin my wrists down so I cant struggle(shit, was I meant to struggle and fight him? I don't remember that being part of his fantasy).

He doesn't kiss me, he just stares at my face and plunges in and out of me, making my abdomen tighten and I fight to hold off, but there's no point.

"Come now" he orders.

My body is shaking and I can feel the tidal wave overtake me as he comes inside me and he falls on top of me.

He stands silently and lifts me and carries me into Vicky's ex bedroom and tosses me lightly on to the bed.

I am still fully clothed and he is watching my face carefully.

I wonder if I let him down in some way.

He steps toward me and takes my shoes off, then unclips and unrolls my stockings down my legs. His hands are careful and he doesn't hurt me at all.

Suspenders next.

I watch his face and try and gauge what he is thinking.

He flips me over and undoes the dress and pulls it over my head and I lay there naked, awaiting his pleasure.

He suddenly walks out of the room.

I wait and worry.

What went wrong?

I can hear him standing in the hallway, deep breathing, calming himself.

I dare not speak even to say his name.

He comes back in and lifts me gently and takes me to his bed,laying me beneath the covers.

He lays beside me and buries his nose in my hair at my neck and I sense he needs to be left in peace. I tentatively touch his hair and he pushes his head into my hand. He wants this, so I gently massage his head.

"Did I hurt you?" he says in a gruff voice.

"No, Edward, you didn't hurt me."

"Would you even tell me if I had?" he asks.

"Of course I would. I would have stopped you." I reply.

"Good" he says and lies there in silence.

I think I am getting it. He wants to do this but he cares for me now.

"It's okay, Edward." I assure him.

Finally he gives in to his need to talk.

"I didn't know it would be like that." he says.

"Like what?"

"I thought it would just be a game and I could pretend I didn't know you. But as soon as I finished, I felt scared you would hate me."

"I could never hate you, Edward. This was just a game."

"Will you sleep here tonight?" he asks.

"Yes" I answer simply.

I have a feeling he needs this and has more to say.

"Bella, something's changed. Those first times, in the cinema, it could have been anyone."

He confesses this with shame, like I didn't already know.

"I know, Edward. It was the same for me. I didn't know you then."

"That's what I mean. I know you now. I love you now. I don't know if I can just use you for sex any more. Even as a game."

"It's all right." I reassure him."Let's sleep on it and see how we feel tomorrow."

"You won't leave me?"

"I won't leave you. I love you."

I wrap myself around him, like he has done to me before. He sleeps but he is restless and he shifts a lot and almost cries out in his sleep.

I rub his back and look in wonder at this complicated, changed man before me.

He has evolved and grown in so many ways.

The cocky, arrogant high school boy is completely gone and a new, caring man has taken his place.

I want us to be lovers and I want to feel his love but I also want us to have fun.

He needs more than vanilla sex.

He is in denial now but the one thing I couldn't cope with was him seeking sex elsewhere, even knowing it would be simply sex.

He can clearly sort the two acts completely apart.

Is it too hard to fuck sometimes and make love at other times?

I lay there holding him and thinking.

Maybe we need some boundaries and rules.

He has to be happy and relaxed and enjoy this or theres no point.

Next morning I feel him wake and his movements wake me.

"Good morning" I sing.

"Good morning" he answers darkly.

"Okay, Edward. We need to talk and not let this be an issue." I say.

"I know." he replies.

"What was the problem?" I ask.

"I just ... I liked it...it was hot..it was what I wanted...but I felt wrong. I wanted to kiss you and I couldn't because I never kissed anyone much at all, before you."

"And, kissing...?"

"Kissing shows affection and love and I didn't love the maid. She was doing a bad job cleaning my piano. I fucked her as punishment."

"So, you are managing to keep us separate. You are calling her the maid."

"So?"

"So, that's good. It was a role. I think we need to try and make this a regular thing and see how we like it."

"You want to do that again?"

"Maybe not the maid but we can role play say once a week?"

"I can't believe you are okay with this?"

"Edward, truthfully, were you bothered about having impersonal sex with me or worried about my reaction?"

"Both, I think."

"Well, I liked it. I like getting out of myself and being someone else now and then. It doesn't degrade our relationship. I know you love me. I know this is an act. A game. I don't compare the two."

He stared intently at my face, judging if the words fit the eyes.

"And maybe we need to decorate Vicky's room and make it your bachelor apartment bedroom. Where you can bring back whoever I am those nights. Keep this room for us being us?"

He finally smiled and looked eager to try again.

"Bella, keep the maid outfit. She was hot."

We got dressed and I cooked breakfast and we went to the mall and he chose linen and a bed cover and pillows and cushions.

The bedroom had long black curtains so we dressed the queen sized bed in its black sheets and black and red cover and black pillows and added the red throw cushions. They had Chinese writing in gold. It looked like a college boys room. Well, a mature college boys bedroom.

I hung the two chinese robes on the hooks behind the door and put my duplicate shampoo and conditioner in the en suited bathroom. Whoever I was, I still wanted my same toiletries.

We went to dinner and just relaxed and I slept in his bed that night and we agreed to try again next week. If the new rules didn't work, we would have to think again.

We decided Wednesday night was random night. Edward would go pick up a random, who would be me. Thursday night we would spend apart, in our own beds.

Friday night was date night and my first sleepover of the week. He and I would then spend Saturday and Sunday nights as well, in our bed. Monday to Thursday I would sleep in my bed in the dorm.

We saw each other each day of course and had lunch together and by Wednesday he was getting nervous. I stroked his arm and kept him focused and he was quite excited when we parted 'until tomorrow'.

I walked to my dorm and ate an early meal then had a shower and dressed for tonight's game.

Black skirt, straight and fitted and short, loud purple blouse, low cut and over dressy, thigh high black leather boots, hair up in a messy bun with loose tendrils down my face. Makeup, more than I ever wore, handbag, coat hooked on my finger. I walked down to the nearest club and strolled back and forth. I attracted a lot of attention so I was madly hoping my john was not going to be late. The doorman kept an icy eye on me.

He arrived, black fitted jeans, plain white T, black leather jacket, cigarette hanging out one side of his mouth. His hair was ultra messy, gelled and flopping over his left eye.

"How much?" he asked, loudly.

I slithered up and hoped I was looking alluring and oozing sex.

"Depends what you want, baby."

"The works" he replied with a smirk.

Several people stopped and stared at our blatant exchange.

"I don't think you could handle the works." I replied.

He walked up swiftly and slapped my backside.

"Oh I can handle anything you have to sell." he assured me, in a cocky velvet voice.

He opened his wallet and thrust a handful of notes at me, which I slowly folded and slid down my bra.

He walked to his waiting Harley and I stepped onto the back. I was hoping like Hell I didn't fall off and look a complete idiot.

We roared off into the night and he stopped at a nearby park.

I dismounted and he stood the bike on its stand and we walked silently to a large tree.

"Okay, dollface, drop the panties." he instructed.

"No panties to drop,sorry" I purred.

His eyes flashed with lust and surprise. We hadn't discussed that detail.

He pushed me against the tree and lowered his zip and groped under my skirt and slid it up to bunch around my waist.

"Turn around and bend over" he ordered.

I clung to the tree trunk as he pushed inside me and he proceeded to fuck me long and hard, cursing and crying out as he came.

I turned to face him as he pulled out of me and his eyes were still shining and he smirked at me, lit another cigarette and offered me a drag,

I accepted and handed it back.

I blew smoke out and he rested a foot behind him on the tree trunk.

"So, you from around here?"

"I visit now and then" I replied.

"Well, that's good. I might look out for you again" he answered.

I started to yank my tight skirt down and he stopped me.

"No need, baby. It will just take time for me to pull it up again."

Okay.

He walked me to the wooden bench in the garden area and sat down, pulling me so I was astride his legs, facing him.

He lifted me onto his erection and pulled me up and down, grunting and still smoking his cigarette. The sight of him, eyes narrowed and concentrating hard, really turned me on and I felt myself losing focus as he rammed into me repeatedly.

My walls tightened and shook and I screamed as I came around him.

"Good girl, good baby." he approved and he stiffened and shot his seed inside me.

I sat out the last pulses of pleasure then stepped off him. We straightened our clothes and he walked to the bike and I mounted behind him.

He dropped me near my dorm and I accepted the cigarette he offered and lit for me.

"So, that was fun, see you, doll."

"Yeah, stud. Later" I replied and stood there, arms crossed, smoking his cigarette and watching his bike fade in the distance.

"Bella?" questioned a shocked voice behind me.

Shit.

I turned and there stood Angela and Alice.

"It was a good night." I said, taking his cash out of my bra,counting it. $200, cool.

Alice's eyes were as big as saucers.

"Bella" she cautioned.

"Relax, Alice. Life's too short" I said, and walked inside, throwing off my clothes and standing under the shower.

I could feel the two of them waiting outside the bathroom door.

"Bella, I think you need to explain that." said Alice as I sauntered past them in a towel.

They followed me inside and I pulled on my sweat pants and a cami.

The money lay on my dresser, which was only fitting.

"God Bella. If Edward knew.." said a worried Angela.

i couldn't hold it in any more.

"It was Edward, you fools" I laughed.

Their faces showed confusion.

"Edward does own a Harley and he did have it shipped here" said Alice, finally smiling.

"It's a game. Just let it go. Its an Edward and Bella thing."

"Crazy" muttered Angela, and headed for her bedroom.

Alice jumped up and down on the spot.

"Don't clap" I warned her.

"I think its cool. Makes things interesting." she sighed ,with envy?

A knock sounded on our door.

Alice sashayed over and opened it.

Edward stood there, dressed in blue jeans and a red Tshirt. His hair was damp and messy.

"I was wondering if Bella was home?" he asked Alice.

"Oh,Edward, how lucky you weren't here earlier when she was selling herself to bikies." chimed Alice.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Really, Bella? What am I going to do with you?"

"A girl needs her fun" I replied.

"Yes, but I think a girl who sells her body needs to be punished" he replied and pulled me into my bedroom.


	20. Chapter 20

C20

**A/N Sorry my writings all over the place and in random styles, I have barely slept lately. Hopefully it will improve. Jayna says its safe to post this now because she is finished work but she is trying to steal Sexward, she has boxing gloves!**

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter 20

Jail break.

BELLA'S POV

I check myself and make sure I have everything I need. I am learning. I no longer automatically dress in my costume of the week before going out. I think and plan ahead.I visit my next location and see if there is somewhere to change. I fear getting mistaken for what I dress as, as much as anything.

Edward is going to be sitting outside the cafe on campus,so tonight I can dress here at my dorm. I look at myself in the mirror. Hmm, nobody would mistake me for the real thing tonight. I hurry as I am almost late by the time I finish getting my long hair into the necessarily neat bun, its usually just messy and has tendrils escaping but tonight I want to be as authentic as a micro mini skirt allows. Its inaccuracy makes me want to get the rest right.

I see him sitting with his back to me and although I feel the usual crackle of connection we always share, I also feel his excitement buzzing towards me. He likes this game. I approach and stand before him and try to not be dazzled by his incredible beauty. He still makes me breathless and I have to keep my mind focused on the game.

"Edward Cullen?"

"Yes, officer."

"You are under arrest for carrying a concealed weapon without a permit. Please stand and place your hands on the table in front of you."

He smirks and raises an eyebrow.

"A concealed weapon, officer? I do not have a gun of any description."

"Not a gun, sir. Please stand."

"I don't have a knife either. Or a nihonto."

"Please just place your hands on the table, sir."

"Maybe you would like to frisk me and expose my concealed weapon?" he offers.

I wish my baton was the real thing right about now and not some rubber mock up.

He would probably enjoy me beating him with this one.

He stands with a swagger and slowly places his hands on the table.

I frisk him, paying particular attention to certain areas where a weapon may be concealed and find his weapon hard and ready.

"I do detect a weapon, Mr Cullen." I inform him.

"Cocked and ready to go." he affirms.

I place the handcuffs on his wrists and lead him away, back to my dorm.

He smirks at anyone stopping to watch us and loudly begs for me to have mercy on him and be gentle.

We enter the elevator and it is full of students. Just my luck.

"Police brutality" he tells them as I attempt to push him to the side and glare at him to shut up.

We get out on my floor and Angela and Ben are standing just outside our door. Great.

I nod to them and lead Edward inside.

"For questioning" I briefly explain to Angela. Ben laughs, Ange looks mortified.

She grabs Ben's hand and leads him towards the elevator.

Alice and Jasper are sitting apart but talking in a friendly enough way on the couch. Alice jumps up and claps and laughs at Edward.

"He looks like he should have a complete cavity search " she says in glee.

"Alice!" I yell, forgetting my character as an officer of the law.

I lead him into my bedroom and undo one cuff and thread the chain joining it through my ornate metal bedhead and recuff him. He makes no effort to resist arrest.

"All the holding cells are full. You will have to wait here. Do you wish to call an attorney?" I ask.

"Is she hot and naked?' he replies.

Okay, he has pushed me far enough.

I remove his shoes and socks as per regulations.I place them outside my door and shut and lock it.I put a peppermint into my mouth and crunch it up.

I pop his waistband and unzip his fly and pull his boxers off with his jeans. I can't remove his shirt so I undo the buttons roughly to show my displeasure.

"Anything you say will be taken down" I warn him.

"Your panties" he replies.

I slowly remove my panties and draw them down my legs and step out. I drop them to the floor then realize, they are in the wrong spot so I turn and bend over from the waist and move them further away while wagging my naked ass practically in his face.

He moans and licks his lips.

"You have the right to remain silent" I tell him as my blouse comes undone and my bra ...oh I forgot my bra today. Naughty police lady.

"Some of your regulation uniform seems to be missing" he points out.

"Budget cuts" I reply.

I climb on the bed and straddle his hips. His no longer concealed weapon stands before me and I dip my head and lick its tip. He shudders in delight.

I have never done this so I am more nervous than anything.

I researched on the computer but I feel intimidated that so many other women have done this to him and no doubt, a lot better than I will manage.

I wriggle back and kneel between his thighs and place my mouth over his erection. It feels weird, like its way too big to be in my mouth. I lick the head and swirl my tongue, recalling the instructions. Don't bite, gently graze.

I may wait to try that. I certainly don't want any injuries inflicted on the prisoner.

I grasp the rest of it in my hand and start moving my hand up and down as I suck a vacuum.

He moans and lifts his hips to push in deeper.

Eeek. Deeper.

I shut my eyes and breath in deeply and slowly and breath through my nose only as I suck and swirl.

I find a sensitive spot underneath the head where the large vein is so I concentrate on that area most. He is grunting and pushing in and out of my mouth roughly and his hands are clenched. I know he wants them free to guide my head so I release him from my mouth and reach over him and open one cuff. His hands are on my head instantly as I resume the position and he moves me gently but firmly up and down his length. He pushes in deeper each stroke and I feel a little claustrophobic at having so much of my throat invaded. No gag reflex is suddenly a very good thing.

He is writhing and pushing and gasping my name and I take him in more, finding myself suddenly wet and excited at his desperation.

He hits the back of my throat and stiffens and pours his juices down. I swallow in an attempt not to choke and the peppermint taste from beforehand stops me tasting his ejaculate. I read it can taste pretty bad the first few times, until you get used to it. I taste little but peppermint, maybe salt?.

He stills at last and I gently lick him clean as he pulls out of my mouth.

He catches my eye and grins at me.

Oh yeah, he liked it. Maybe I will ask him for pointers before next time.

He doesn't say a word but he poses me so I am on my hands and knees and he is over me and I feel his hardness enter my wetness. Perfect combination and I buck towards his pelvis.

"Police harassment" he whispers in my ear and my body shivers in anticipation. I think the law may lose this battle. He plunges in and out of me from behind and I tighten around him, urging him on. So close, he is making me shake and hover on the knife edge as he pushes in and out but avoids the spot he knows I want him to hit, so badly.

"I can't risk a charge of assaulting an officer" he whispers.

"Assault me, now" I order.

"Yes, Officer, if you insist."

He moves and rotates his hips and he hits the spot and I moan.

There it is.

He pounds me relentlessly, chuckling at my desperation, now his has been satisfied once. He knows I am in his power.

"Beg for mercy and I may let you come" he whispers.

"Please, please, don't hurt me..no,do hurt me. God, just keep..."

He thrusts in harder and I am done, I fall and shatter and scream and wonder who is screaming and don't care.

My head is dizzy and cloudy and all I am is one spot of pulsing pleasure.

He pounds it harder and I can't get respite, he is keeping my orgasm going and wont let it finish.

He lowers a hand to my clit and the overload of sensation nearly kills me. Can you die of over pleasuring? I guess I am about to find out. My clit is swollen and begging for either more or less. He traces around it and increases the pressure and I cannot take it. My body convulses and he lets himself shoot inside and slows his fingers down as I try to come down.

He is watching me and I can't even look back. My body is limp and spent and he laughs at me and withdraws from inside me and stands beside the bed. He puts me in the recovery position, chuckling at his joke. I feel him throw a blanket over me and hear him pull on clothes and know my prisoner is making a jail break. Thank God, I think.

"I believe I am free to go now I have paid my fine, officer" he says in his velvety voice.

I grunt.

I will deal with the consequences later.

Much later.

My eyes are pulling me into sleep before the door shuts behind him.

"Escapee" my lips whisper as I drown in blessed darkness.

x x x x x x x x

EDWARD'S POV

As I walk to my apartment, I can't help smiling and thinking how perfect Bella is making my life. I knew we would end up in bed and I hoped and prayed vanilla sex would be enough. Surely, it was sex with Bella and I love Bella. Surely it will be enough.

Our first time is imprinted on my brain. I have never felt so overwhelmed with love. I was drowning in emotion and my heart was assuring me, if it never gets better than this, who cares? This is perfect.

The monster grumbled but I ignored him.

He rattled the bars of his cage and I tried to think of a way of making this enough for us all.

How can I tame the monster?

But she never considered even trying to make me conform.

The piano sex was a fantasy I have had for years now. And now I cannot sit at my piano and play without seeing her there, writhing beneath me. My face hots up and my dick twitches and I have to control my urge to rush out and find her and chain her to the damn piano so I can do that again.

My semi meltdown afterwards surprised the living daylights out of me.

She was doing what I needed her to, and I was doubting it?

I suddenly saw my needs as excessive and maybe even wrong. Other men fulfill themselves with 'normal' sex, why the hell can't I?

Is it fair on her?

Will she panic and leave me for a normal man?

I need for her to stay with me above everything else.

I would cut off a limb if that's what it took but I know myself and I doubt I can ever settle for normal.

I gave her an 'out' and she dismissed it and found a solution.

Our games are just what I need. A new person in my sex life each week. I never know who she will be, she simply tells me where and when on each Thursday as we kiss and go to our separate homes. She just says "Go home and do your study. I will see you tomorrow. Stay away from the cafe at 8pm, I hear it can be dangerous there." or whatever, so I know where to go.

My body tingles all over as I wonder if the hooker or the maid or who else will turn up. I loved the hooker, she was hot. I love outdoor sex and taking her in different ways in that park will happen everytime that particular woman comes to town.

I always ask,will I need my Harley?

So far, its been no.

Being arrested was an interesting experience. The officer was so tiny I could have brushed her aside and escaped at any point but I went along quietly. I nearly lost it and blew my load when I realized what she had in mind and what those ruby lips were going to take inside them. I never know with her, what's too far? What will send her running? I would never ask her to mouthfuck me, I know a lot of girls hate it and her being so damned innocent and new to everything, I just hadn't thought of actually asking her to do that. But the moment she started sucking, I was lost and my words telling her she didn't have to do this were lost in time and space, never to return. I will never be a gentleman and refuse to let her do that to me, anytime she wants to. She was so natural and felt so good, I have never had a blowjob that compares.

And whereas every other girl has spit and scrubbed their mouths out immediately after, she just swallowed and freaking licked me clean. I so nearly came again when she did that.

I underestimate her so much. I know how much she loves me and she never lets an opportunity go by without proving that in one way or another. Its an intoxicating feeling, knowing someone loves you above everyone and everything in her life. I have never ever had any feelings for a girl apart from lust. And when we began, it was the same, just lust. A need to be fulfilled sexually. She was there, she didn't run, so we became fuck buddies without the full fucking.

Then I lost her to Jasper and the realization of what she meant to me crippled me. I could have replaced the sex part with many other girls but I knew empty sex and it had lost its appeal. I wanted it all and I finally have it all. I have Bella, in every way I could ever want her. I have the loving, sweet, gentle Bella, and I have the fiery, sexual, crazy Bella.

I love them both.

I know I am the luckiest bastard on the planet. I would not swap places with the richest rock star because unlike me, he doesn't have Bella. He should envy me. I certainly don't envy him.

I arrive at my condo and Jasper Motherfucker Whitlock is sitting against my door. He looks up as I walk out of the elevator and he tenses.

"Please Edward, can I talk to you? About your sister?" he asks.

I still want to pound him to death for hurting Bella but she is mine now and he is no threat. I won, he lost. He could never take her from me again.

"What about Alice? If you expect me to tell her to take you back, forget it."

"I have changed, Edward. I would have thought you of all people would accept people can change. Look at your record."

I growl at him.

Its misplaced. I hate myself for being that old me. I wish I could erase the old me forever and not have him ever have existed.

If I had met Bella back then...

But Bella would have been the good girl and I would not have noticed her.

"I have promised Alice I will be faithful and never seek another muse. I will keep myself only for her. She says I have to talk to you first and get your permission to date her."

"Why are you doing this? This big change of lifestyle?"

"Because my heart is broken and I have such emptiness inside without her. I will tell you things she doesn't know. I will be completely honest with you. You can beat the crap out of me because I deserve it, But in the end, I have to have Alice back. I love her Edward, and I finally know what love is and its scary and mind blowing and knowing I will never fuck another girl, ever, freaks me out but no where near as much as the thought of never having Alice back."

"How many girls have you fucked since her?"

He blanches and I growl.

"Honest, Jasper? Can you even be honest?"

"Maybe twenty."

"Twenty." I state.

I feel hypocritical but twenty seems a lot to need to make you see the truth. Twenty seems like he dragged it out so he could fuck a lot of randoms before he even tried to be back with my twin. He differs from me because he knew love first.

He knew there was something else available to him, not just new pussies and new positions to learn. He knew there could be meaning and a connection and I never did. I saw it with my parents but that was the only example and I assumed they were the exceptions.I never knew there was a girl for me out there. The one. The One and Only.

"What do you intend doing if I say no?" I asked.

"I will try and prove myself by staying away from girls and being her friend. You cannot stop me being her friend."

"And if I say yes?"

"I will take her on dates, I will treat her with respect."

"Will you fuck her?"

"Not until its all her choice and she asks me to. Then I will, of course I will. But not until then."

"What if she asks you to first date?"

"Then I will say no because I want this to work this time. I want this to be about her, about us. before it was all about me."

"Did you fuck her friends?"

"No, never. I didn't fuck Bella, Edward, I swear."

"Oh I know you didn't and if you had, believe me, you would not be alive now to have this conversation." I inform him.

Nobody will ever touch my Bella. She saved herself for me and she gave herself to me and thats the most precious gift any girl could give you.

"Were you Alice's first?" I ask.

He has the decency to flush and he admits he was.

"But she was my first as well." I am surprised.

He looks puzzled.

"Do you have any fucking idea how much I would give to have Bella be my first? I would give everything I own and will ever own to have what you had and threw away. If Bella and I had been each others firsts, I would never have ever wanted to fuck any other girl."

Knowing he had that with Alice and it wasn't enough...then it hits me.

How the fuck do I know, if Bella had been my first, that I would have felt this way then? I may have still met Tanya and Kate. I may have gone to one of their parties and got involved while Bella was elsewhere. I had always needed a lot of sex, who knows? I may have had Bella and cheated on her.

God, the thought takes all the breath out of me.

I could have hurt Bella like he hurt Alice.

What makes me think I am a better man than him? There's a ton of evidence to the contrary.

How many girls did I fuck before Bella? I never cared, never counted, never kept a score.

If I had done to Bella what he did to Alice and lost her and needed him to give me another chance with her, would he have done that?

"Okay. But she needs to talk to me herself and I swear, you lay one finger on another girl and I will kick your ass. I may not have a spotless past but I can't change that and neither can you. All we can do is change us now and be better., No slip ups, Whitlock. One slip and you never touch Alice again...agree?"

"Absolutely. If I were to ever touch another girl, I would know I was completely unworthy of Alice. I know I am now. But I have changed. I am not all bad. I could have..."

"What?" I ask, perplexed.

"I could have fucked Bella, you know. She was so into me, I could have fucked her and I didn't. I knew it was wrong. I didn't do it."

He is right, probably. I know how much she idolized him. I am sure had he asked, he would have had her gift instead of me. It doesn't sit well. I wish I was the only one she ever loved. It seems worse in a way, than me fucking randoms. She gave her heart to someone else before she gave it to me.

She got me with a used body but a virgin heart.

I got her with a virgin body but a used heart.

Feelings I have never felt stir inside me. If I could have chosen, would I prefer she had slept with Jasper, but never loved him? I would have understood that. If Bella had said she learnt about sex from some meaningless boy, I would not have judged her at all. I understood that too well.

Jasper thanks me and makes promises and leaves, unaware what he has stirred up.

I lay on my bed and keep seeing him fucking Bella. Yes, it hurts. I know it never happened. But knowing the truth, she LOVED him. She fucking loved him. Am I really so special to her?

She is the only girl in the world for me.

I know that is true for now and forever.

But once I was just the boy who gave her orgasms in the cinema while she loved Jasper Fucking Whitlock.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N Lecia won the competition for leaving the 500th review. Thank you to everyone who has ever left a review. If she lists her prize on ebay, please don't bid. I hate it when prize winners list their prize on ebay. So any auction for 5 nights with Sweetward and Sexward, just ignore.**

Row 61 Seats A & B  
Chapter 21

Steps Toward Forever

BELLA'S POV

Friday night, date night. I didn't have time to talk to Edward today, we had so much extra work to do for our English assignment, I just spent lunch working at research in the library with a couple of study buddies. Same thing yesterday. The end of term is bringing a flood of work.

When I got home, Alice was sitting on my couch crying and Angela was sitting beside her, looking lost and out of her depth.

"Thank God, Bella. Help her." she said as I walked in.

"What's wrong, Alice?"

"J.J. Jasper slept with twenty girls while we were split up."

Shit.

I hate this.

Fucking numbers.

I know I avoid all thoughts of numbers.

If I know his number, will I ever be able to accept him completely?

I know if I were Alice, I would now be looking at every student and wondering if she were one of the twenty and what number she was. At least Edward's numbers were not here at college. I never want to meet any of them. If they don't have a name or face, I can imagine they were all really plain looking with terrible figures and acne or bald heads. Or both.

Once I see any of them, I will have to face the reality.

I know because he is Godlike and beautiful, they will be too.

He has never told me a single name and I have never asked.

"Well, Alice. What's happened has happened and crying wont change things. It's down to you. Can you accept his twenty mistakes and move on with him or not?"

Sympathy I have trouble doing. Empathy, I can understand. I know how she feels. Except Jasper was hers first and went off with twenty girls. Edward's girls came before he knew me.

"He promised me he wouldn't sleep with any of them. He said he just needed to date other girls. They were his muses."

FUCK.

He promised.

That made it different.

Who could ever trust a man who broke his promise twenty times?

And is twenty a number thats accurate or is it like seeing twenty bugs in your house? They are the ones on show so you have to acknowledge them but you know there are many more hidden away.

How did he come up with twenty as the confessional number?

It kind of sounds like a limit, like he had set himself a goal.

I have no clue what to advise her.

Angela was a virgin when she met Ben. Ben was a virgin when he met Angela. How utterly uncomplicated their lives are. No wonder she cannot relate to Alice nor I.

When Jasper showed an interest in Angela back in High School, she completely ignored him and told me she was not ever taking on a man with baggage because life was too short. I can see why she did that, but she didn't fall in love with Edward Cullen. I never had a choice. I had to accept him baggage and all. Or not at all. I think the man is worth the baggage.

God I hope he is.

I can't be of any help to Alice. I tell her she needs to think long and hard and maybe consider just closing the door on him and moving on. I pour her a glass of wine because at this point, alcohol seems like the only help I can offer. Its stupid and wrong and only masks and delays the inevitable pain but its an anesthetic.

Emmett and Rose arrive and I thank God. She can lean on them, I have trouble holding up my own fence at times, anyone else leaning on it may tip it over.

I rush in to shower and pack my weekend bag. I wont be back until Monday night so I need fresh clothes and I can't find my best jeans. I search through my closet and its an hour later than normal when I go to leave. I walk into the sitting area and Edward is sitting on the couch with Alice's head on his shoulder.

Crap. I realize I was being selfish even expecting our weekend to just go on as usual. He is her twin and he needs to be here for her. I have no siblings and it shows at times like these.I discretely put my bag down and push it behind the couch.

Bella Swan, here for comfort duty.

Edward looks at me and his face is cold and impersonal.

He saw the bag, then, I assume.

I go into the kitchen area and boil the kettle for coffee and tea.

As I put out mugs, I face everyone and ask who would like a drink?

Emmett and Rose ask for coffee and Edward says he is fine. In a voice that says he is the opposite of fine.

I am puzzled and look at him.

What is up now?

It seems like he is blaming me for something but I have no clue what.

I hand the coffee's over and make myself tea and sit on the other side of Alice to offer the sympathy.

Its a long and difficult evening with tension crackling in the air. Edward has either ignored me or glared me into silence every time I attempt to start a conversation. I have no idea what to do so I stare at the television screen and pretend to watch the muted episode of Lost that is screening. It makes no sense without sound. I long to just slink off to bed or get the hell out of here. Nobody seems to want me to be here and Alice has her family.

Finally Angela comes back and asks if anyone wants to go out with her and Ben and their friends and I guiltily jump at the opportunity. I know Edward is glaring at me but at this point,whatever I do will be wrong so I just go. Ange gets changed ad we head out. I call Goodnight to the Cullens and Rose and don't wait for their answers, if there were any. I detect Edward and I are at some crisis point but have no idea why.

Hours later I stagger home with Angela's help and crawl into my bed. Edward is already in it, to my surprise. He appears to be asleep but the minute I manage to rip my jeans off and throw them on the floor, he is awake and staring at me.

"Did you love Jasper?" he asks.

What? So random.

"Ah, no, I did not ever love Jasper. I was infatuated with Jasper and I liked him better before I got to know him. Why?"

"Have you ever loved anyone but me?" he asks.

God, this man.

"Other than my parents, who I love in a completely different way, I have never loved anyone but you."

I am guessing this is not the time to bring up I loved Jake as a friend.

I am in no state to debate the difference between types of love tonight.

He pulls me in close and wraps his arms around me and looks chastened.

Will I ever really understand how his mind works?

I am not starting anything by asking if he loved any other girls before me, because he has told me often enough that he didn't.

I snuggle in and fall asleep but he is still awake, I can feel by the way he is holding me. He doesn't relax and I roll away eventually because I cannot slip into a deep sleep while he is so tense.

Morning brings a new dawn and Edward is awake before I am so I open my eyes to a pair of green eyes staring into mine.

"I love you, Bella." he sighs.

"Crisis over?" I ask.

"How do you just accept me and not freak over my past?" he asks.

"Because your past is your past and I cannot change anything. Neither can you. I don't want to know any details and I knew going in about your history. You told me everything...well as much as I needed to know, before we even liked each other. If I couldn't live with that, I would have run then. Before we were anything."

"I don't deserve you." he said, pulling me close and kissing my face and neck and tickling my side.

"No doubt about that, Cullen."

"I am the luckiest bastard in the world, you know."

"Oh I know. I am such a prize." I joke.

"Bella, never doubt that. You are a way more precious prize than you will ever realize. You gave me a life."

"Well, you gave my life real meaning so we are square." I answer.

His lips were locked on mine and I felt his acceptance and knew we were okay.

"Hey, Edward. You didn't run. You stayed and talked." I say with happiness.

We are another step closer to forever.

"Come on, lets go to my place."

We jump in the shower together and he spends a long time washing me clean. So clean I won't need a shower for a month. His touch is igniting things but I jump out away from him and grab a towel. I want more than shower sex.

Alice is asleep in Jaspers arms on the couch. A diamond ring glistens on her hand. I don't know whether to point it out to Edward or not.

Maybe not.

He looks darkly at them.

"Its her life and her choice" I say softly."If anyone told me to stay away from you, I wouldn't listen."

He seems to think that over and walks away from his sister with a small smile on his face.

He grabs my hand and kisses my fingers and we run for the elevator. At his house, he is happier and relaxed and my Edward again.

"There are always going to be times of crisis for us and for others, Edward. The thing is how we handle them. You stayed and you told me what was bothering you and that's what I always want you to do."

"Same for you. Its not easy, being unable to read someone's mind."

"I can't read your mind either, don't forget."

"You did mourn after Jasper broke up with you. You must have loved him a little bit."

"Stop pushing this, Edward. The feelings I had for him compared to you are like comparing a small twig to a whole forest. Okay?"

He liked that and his smile lit up his whole face.

The holiday week is fast approaching. Charlie wants me to go visit so I tell Edward I am going back to Forks for a week. I have looked up bus schedules and am about to book my ticket online when he reads over my shoulder.

"I want to come to Forks with you. My parents want us to visit, too. I can drive us. Alice and Jasper want to come too."

The thought of spending that long in a car with Alice and Jasper is not appealing.

"Why don't we all go by bus? Less stress and we can just relax and talk?" I suggest.

"Sure, if thats what you prefer."

I book four tickets but accidentally select two seats in the front of the bus for them and two in the very back for us. Oops.

Its still dark and cold when the bus leaves early in the morning. We board and we take our seats and snuggle under the blanket I insisted on bringing. Edward and I have the two very back seats, hidden away beside the storage compartments.

No neighbors and the old couple in the seat in front are evidentally deaf as they speak very loudly to each other then fall asleep.

Its like being back in the cinema and I snuggle in close to my Edward. He kisses the top of my head and puts his arm around me, holding me in close. I love this sort of time, where we are alone and its just time for us. Nowhere we should be and nobody needing us. He is looking out the window and I watch his profile and he is beautiful. Calm, happy, relaxed, my favorite Edward.I cannot imagine ever loving anyone as much as I love him. He is my life now.

"Bella, when we get back to college, would you move in with me?" he asks suddenly. He looks at me with his emerald eyes and the love shines in them.

I am shocked but why would I be? It was heading this way and as long as we can sort out our random Wednesday games from the same home, there is no reason why we shouldn't do this.

"Okay, I would love to." I reply.

Another step closer.

He pulls me onto his lap and we meld into each other.

We are love.

He watches my face and I watch him look down at me.

Its one of those moments that you wouldn't care if the world ended because this moment is so perfect, another as good may never occur again.

He reads my mind and smiles a soft smile at me.

His hand raises and touches my face, my jaw, my cheek, my lips.

I open my mouth and he places his thumb in my mouth.

I suck it and he grins.

The miles flow past and we don't notice.

Our bodies keep each other warm and calm.

Its dark by the time we arrive and the shock of being apart is scary. Charlie grabs me into a very rare hug as I disembark. Edward is grabbed into Esme's arms as Carlisle grabs Alice.

Charlie's arms are wrong and foreign and my eyes are seeking Edward's in panic. I don't know how to exist without him any more.

Charlie rushes me into his truck and I feel the distance come between us as Charlie steals me away from my love.

Its dark and cold and Charlie actually speaks and tells me whats happened since I left.

"I am moving in with Edward, into his apartment." I say.

I am not asking his permission, I am nineteen and can do what I want to.

"I assumed you already lived with him, Bells. Thanks for telling me."

"You aren't going to object?" I say, surprised.

"Bella, there was never any doubt you two would end up together. I never got the Jasper stuff. Edward was right there, with his heart on his sleeve and you wasted time with the emo?What were you thinking?"

Its like six months worth of words from Charlie.

"I love Edward, dad."

"Even I know that. I saw it before you even left."

So, my secret was not that well kept then.

We arrive at the house and rush inside away from the bitterly cold wind.

"Shall I leave the front door unlocked? He won't climb the tree now, will he?"

I laugh.

I hope my Edward comes to me tonight.

I drink my tea and go to bed. I strip off naked in the hope Edward will come and I snuggle down under my covers.

I am almost asleep when I hear him enter my room.

"Edward" I smile and raise the covers.

He throws his clothes off and snuggles down with me.

Nope, didn't come in the window.

Morning comes and we open our eyes and smile. I don't want to get up today. The sun is shining and it sounds like the wind has gone. His arms cuddle me in tighter and I kiss his chin. His stubble tickles me and I lick his cheek.

"Bella, you will shred your tongue, stop it."

He rubs his nose along mine.

"I love that tongue. Look after it."

I turn my back to him as Charlie stands at my door.

"I have to go in for a couple of hours but I will be home for dinner. Will you two be?"

"Yes, dad. I will cook.' I assure him.

"Morning, Charlie" says Edward.

"Good to see you, Edward.

Charlie looks down and sees Edwards clothes on the floor and clears his throat and waves and leaves.

Edward slides his hands around to cover my breasts, beneath the covers.

I lean my head back to the side of his neck.

He turns his face and kisses my cheek.

"I love you."

I grin at him.

"I want us to get up but I don't know if I can bear to." he says.

I wiggle my backside against him.

There it is, my favorite toy.

He eases my legs apart with his knee and strokes my folds with his erection.

I sigh and smile and allow the delicious feelings begin.

He enters my folds and teases me.

"Hm, where to put this?"

I open my legs wider and he eases inside me.

A rush of love floods me, and I revel in his touch.

One hand lowers to my clit and he lazily draws circles around it, like we have all day.

I hum and move against him and allow a slow steady build up, as he moves in and out of me.

"Edward" I start to chant.

"Baby" he replies, nipping my ear.

My breathing hitches.

"Give me the honey, baby, come for me."

His words excite me beyond belief.

I feel myself shudder and clasp him tight inside me.

I feel him come inside me and the pulsating waves blend us together.

He leans his chin on my head.

"God, Bella."

"I know."

Us.

We wash each other slowly and playfully and Edward washes my hair for me so I wash his. There is a lot of kissing and touching and we finally get out.

Edward wraps me in a towel and then wraps one around his own waist.

Its nice and domestic and normal.

I treasure these times and I know he does too.

His needs seem to be getting easier to handle for us both.

I run downstairs and grab the bag he left inside the front door.

I walk back up and open the bag and toss him a Tshirt, jeans, boxers, a flannel shirt.

I help myself to a pair of his boxers and pull them on.

He raises an eyebrow and grins.

"So, you will be in my pants all day today, Bella."

"Yep" I reply.

I pull on clean jeans and a bra and Tshirt then a hoodie.

He dresses and grabs me from behind and holds me close.

"Forever baby" he says randomly but I know what he means.

"Forever, Edward."

He rocks us slowly side to side.

He puts his nose in my hair at my neck and breathes me in.

"Bella, Bella, Bella."

We eat breakfast and go to his car and he drives me towards his parents house. He stops short of it and opens the door.

"Little hike, Bella."

He opens my door and helps me out and we walk seemingly randomly through the forest.

"Nearly there" he says.

The trees suddenly open and a clearing lays in front of us. I gasp.

"The meadow." he says.

Oh, The Meadow.

Now I can see why he wanted to keep it away from Jasper.

"Who owns this?" I ask.

"I do" he replies.

"Wow" I reply.

"Our grandparents left us each a parcel of land adjoining my parents place. This one happened to be the piece I got."

"Lucky you." I say.

"Lucky us" he replies.

"We are going to live here one day."

I smile. He would know.

We wander around the clearing and pick random wildflowers. The brook is quite deep and moving quickly.

Edward sits on the grass and pulls me down beside him.

I am leaning towards him but he holds his hand up to stop me.

"One minute."

He gets onto one knee and I suddenly know why we are here.

"Bella, I love you beyond all reason. I can never live without you. Please do me the honor of agreeing to be my wife."

He pulls out a small box and opens it.

An antique ring shines from within the velvet lining.

All my doubts about marriage didn't factor in Edward and now that they do, I want this. So much.

"Yes, Edward" I whisper.

He slips the ring on my finger and kisses it.

I smile and admire my new love token.

His lips are on mine and I am in his arms. He stands and sweeps me up and spins us around in a circle.

"I declare this land to be known from here on as Bella's Meadow."

And another step.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N If you want to get into Edward's mood, You Tube This Night by Black Lab. Its beautiful just sad.**

Row 61 Seats A & B

Chapter 22

The Dark Night

EDWARD'S POV

Bella's Meadow.

I finally got back and made the place ours. From the first time I saw it, I knew it was magical and special and it has proved to be so.

I walk to the backpack lying ignored on the grass and open it up and pull out our picnic blanket and the plastic container of food. Bella is dancing around picking flowers again and I smile at her happiness, which only reflects my own.

As I shake the rug out, I wonder how often we will be back. We will live here one day. I am determined about that. I can imagine a pretty little rose covered cottage or whatever Bella wants. I know she isn't a fan of ostentatious and pretentious. She throws words like those around as if they were poison.

She prefers small, and sweet.

No penthouse apartment for my Bella.

"Bella, I am hungry, are you?"

She runs to me and throws herself in my arms so I am knocked from where I was crouched on my heels, onto the blanket.

"Hungry for you" she replies.

What have I created?

She leans down and as she kisses me, she wriggles on top of my body and of course, the inevitable happens and she feels it and giggles.

This woman will be the death of me.

I roll her off and sit up and pull her shoes and sox off, then remove my own.

I stand then grab her hand and pull her up beside me.

"One kiss equals one piece of clothing."

I kiss her nose and take off her hoodie.

She kisses my cheek and takes off my flannel shirt.

I kiss her chin and take off her Tshirt.

She kisses my earlobe and takes off my jeans.

I kiss her hand and take off her bra.

She shivers and bites her lower lip.

I growl and and kiss that poor lip and suck it into my mouth so she has to release it.

My hands have found her breasts and don't want to leave them naked and uncovered so they take the place of her bra and I rub and feel her nipples harden.

She sighs and steps back and kisses me swiftly on the neck then removes my boxers, throwing them high in the air.

I kiss her right nipple, slowly, sucking it into my mouth.

"Edwarddd" I get in response as she arches into me.

I step back and remove her jeans.

She kisses my erection and removes my tshirt.

"You are naked." she whispers.

"And you are in my pants, Miss Swan." I reply and pull my stolen boxers off her.

We lie down beside each other and I grin at her.

"Ladies choice."

"What?"

"Ladies choice. You won the stripping contest so you choose what we do first."

She thinks, placing her finger on her chin then blushes as something flicks through her eyes.

"What, Bella? You say I have to speak my mind, well so do you."

"Can I whisper in your ear?"

"Yes, because we wouldn't want anyone else here to hear." I joke.

She looks around frantically.

"Relax, baby. Joke."

She blushes again and leans in, and whispers in my ear.

Her breath on my neck makes me shiver with anticipation and I listen to her request.

I have no idea why this one act always makes her blush and embarrassed to ask for because I ask her for many things and she never even flinches.

"Bella, do we need a code word? Would that help?"

I want her to be relaxed and free to state her needs and preferences.

She is mute with embarrassment and so I whisper to her.

"How about you say something like "Edward, you need a good tongue lashing?' "

I kiss her softly and hold her close. So precious and still so innocent despite me.

God knows I corrupted her in that cinema and since.

I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't agreed to her sitting beside me.

Would we have ever got to know each other in any way? I can't see how.

Either Jasper would have felt free to take her virginity or else Jacob Black would have eventually but it disturbs me to think, he probably would have done things the right way, starting with love and moving on to sex, and allowing her to be her true self.

She is mine and I am hers and I want her to ask me anything.I know she is trying and she does so much more for me than someone like Jake would have wanted her to do.

She really has changed herself for me and I want her to know how much I love her for that alone.

She has been the good girl all her life and now she does stints as a hooker or a stripper.

And she does everything wholeheartedly and enthusiastically.

And its all so new for her.

I forget that, sometimes.

I lay her down and move down to sit at her feet and pick up one foot and kiss it. Then I progress with little soft kisses up her inner leg and thigh and she is tense with anticipation.

"Open up for me, baby" I urge and she moves her legs apart so I can reach for her honey.

I lick along her folds and she starts to relax and her leg flops in my hand.

Good girl.

I would do anything for my Bella.

This is no chore, this is her letting me in.

If she needs a codeword to ask me for this, its a tiny concession compared to the concessions she makes for me.

I open her folds and lick her clit and she shudders and mews quietly.

I smile when she lets me know she enjoys this because I want her to be happy. More than anything else.

I suck her in and stroke and excite and feel her come apart on my tongue.

I feel so intensely part of her that I fear I will cry at any minute.

I crawl back up and hold her in my arms and she lays against me and I really think about her life.

Growing up being told good girls don't have sex and save themselves for marriage and having to rebel against what she has been told all her life, because she loves me.

I have been unfair to her.

She deserved so much better than me.

For the first time I really consider that Jacob Black may have been better for her.

I want desperately to do something for her. Getting married right away is one thought. Would it help? I would marry her tomorrow. We are not quite twenty now, but we are meant to be. Maybe that would make up for our ages. I need to get this bit right because I seem to be making so many mistakes with her.

"Bella, love, when do you want us to get married?"

"I haven't really thought. After college?"

"Three years time. You are happy to wait that long?"

"We will be living together anyway. Does it matter?"

"It does if you want to get married earlier. I want you to think about this and feel free to tell me when and where and I promise, I will be there. And I will be ready."

She smiles at me and I hope she will want to do this when she is ready and not when she thinks we should. We haven't conformed at any point with this relationship, why start now?

She rolls onto me and kisses me and I get distracted from my thoughts as she rubs her hand along my length. Then she is gone and I shut my eyes as I feel her mouth take me in and she starts swirling and sucking and my brain shuts down and sensations take place of thought.

Much as I am enjoying this, I need more connection so I ease her off me and ease myself inside her, kissing her lips and rocking as we sit facing each other, wrapped in each others arms. Her legs are outside and on top of mine and I love that I can look in her eyes and keep contact that way and read her love for me.

She is starting to tighten and shake around me and I hold her tight and feel her climax and follow with my own. Then I hold her still and close and breathe her in and thank God she wants me.

I pull the blanket around us and just stay sitting with her, kissing her face gently until it gets too cold and we have to dress and go back.

I feel very unworthy and subdued for the rest of the day. Bella is tired from the trip and today and she is curled in my arms asleep and my tears fall into her hair. We are at Charlie's, sitting in his recliner, Bella on my lap and I let her sleep and order in takeaway for the three of us just before Charlie gets home.

Charlie seems unsurprised by the news of our engagement and shakes my hand and kisses his daughter. He is a man of few words.

I try to lighten up and watching Bella interact with her quiet, introverted father makes me realize something. She loves him even though he does little to deserve it. He is made worthy though because of her love. Maybe its the same for me. Bella's love is the most precious thing in the world so just being the recipient makes me a worthy person. I truly hope so.

Jacob Black and his father come to visit after we have eaten and I watch him with Bella. He loves her and its obvious. He makes no secret of his adoration of her. She, on the other hand, loves him only as one loves a friend. She glances at me now and then, probably expecting me to growl or glare at her closeness with him but I just smile and know he is no threat to me, even though he deserves to be.

Charlie puts some football game on and he and Billy are soon absorbed in evaluating how each player performs. Bella is sitting beside her dad and I walk to the kitchen and get beers for the men. Jacob Black comes out and stands before me.

I tense and wait for him to tear strips off me.

"So, you won. I had hoped the best man would win but I guess he came runner up."

I nod and agree. Sometimes things just go the way they were meant to no matter how worthy or unworthy the winner may be.

"Just do something for me. Love her and look after her and put her first. She will always do that for you but don't let it always be one sided. You love her and you make her happy. Theres nothing more important than that. I am not going to make threats, you know she and I will be friends for life and I will be watching you and I will always be here for her if she needs me but its your job now to make sure she never needs me because she has you."

"Good point, Jacob Black. I promise I will do my very best for her always. I know the better man lost, don't ever doubt that. All I can do is try to become the better man from now on. I will never hurt her. I love her with all my heart and I accept the responsibility that comes with being the one she chose and loves."

He held his hand out and I accepted it and shook it, hoping had things gone the other way, that I would have been as noble in defeat as he was. Knowing that I wouldn't have been.

Bella came into the kitchen and raised her eyebrows at the sight of Jake and I shaking hands and being cordial and respectful to each other. After the game, the Blacks left and we didn't even pretend that I was not staying in Bella's bed. She kissed Charlie and went upstairs to have first shower, and Charlie stood, eyeing me up.

"I am pleased you and Jake have come to some understanding. He has been her best friend since she was born. You have done the right thing, accepting him in her life. I have no doubt, if she had to choose, you would win but its better this way. Let her keep her best friend. He will never take your place in her heart."

I know Charlie is under the misapprehension that I am good enough for Bella and I know why.

We shake hands and I go upstairs and hold my girl and she falls asleep in my arms. I watch her sleep and feel so honored to be here, and in her heart.

I have to wonder what I ever did to deserve her because I cannot think of anything. I acted out, disrupted my family, ripped it apart, put myself first, never considered the effect of my actions on others, took a beautiful soul and sullied her. Not adding up to anything deserving a reward.

At this point, I really hope karma doesn't exist because if it does, the only thing that would hurt me deeply enough to pay for my sins would be to lose her.

Without her I am nothing. Thats so true for me. Less than nothing. Why does she love me? What does she see in me that nobody else does? Charlie only thinks I am a good guy because he trusts that Bella would only choose a good guy to be worthy of her love. Its nothing to do with me at all.

If I were any sort of a decent human being, I would never have pursued her and if I thought she would get over me, I would walk and let her have a good life with a decent guy. But I know its too late for that. I won't hurt her that way. While she wants me, I will be here for her. If ever she wants me to go, I will go. I have had far more of her than I deserve already.I plug my iPod in and hit random. Black Lab start to sing This Night and it seems very fitting. I allow the lyrics to wash over me and drag me down further.

There are things  
I have done  
There's a place  
I have gone  
There's a beast  
And I let it run  
Now it's running . . .  
My way

There are things  
I regret  
You can't forgive  
You can't forget  
There's a gift  
That you sent  
You sent it . . .  
My way

So take this night  
Wrap it around me like a sheet  
I know I'm not forgiven  
But I need a place to sleep  
So take this night  
And lay me down on the street  
I know I'm not forgiven  
But I hope that I'll be given . . .  
Some peace

There's a game  
That I play  
There are rules  
I had to break  
There's mistakes  
That I made  
But I made them . . .  
My way

So take this night  
Wrap it around me like a sheet  
I know I'm not forgiven  
But I need a place to sleep  
So take this night  
And lay me down on the street  
I know I'm not forgiven  
But I hope that I'll be given . . .  
Some peace . . .  
Some peace . . .  
Some peace

Bella stirs in her sleep and starts with the nightly dialog. I pull my earphones out and listen to her instead. It cheers me up to hear her unguarded thoughts.

"I love you, Edward."

That says it all.

She loves me and that makes me a better person.

"Don't leave me."

Don't worry, I should but I never ever will.

In the morning we dress and eat and head to my parents, seeing we have ignored them thus far.

Esme is beside herself with joy when Bella shows her the ring. It was my grandmothers ring and my mom knew I would never give it to any girl I was not one hundred per cent committed to. Had I bought Bella a new ring, she probably would have worried I didn't really intend marrying her. I can read her like a book and the tears start and she hugs me close.

I am sorry for what I put her through. Yet another good woman in my life I never deserved.

Carlisle is pleased and jubilant that I have finally grown up.

"I knew you could turn your life around, Edward. I never lost faith. Looking at you now, its hard to believe you were that frightened, insecure boy."

Frightened?

Insecure?

I only saw myself as arrogant and selfish.

"You have never felt worthy of love, Edward, and you made sure nobody could give it to you. You fought against it all the way. This girl is a Godsend. I hope she makes you see yourself as we do and she does. You are a good man."

Alice dances around the room, thrilled we too are engaged, and starts planning a massive engagement party for all four of us and then starts talk of a double wedding.

I stop her right there.

Not happening.

The shared engagement party, fine.

If Bella agrees.

The double wedding.

No.

Not happening.

I hope Alice wants to get married way sooner or later than us so we can pass it off as simply a logistics thing but I want Bella's day to be all about her. She will not be sharing the spotlight with anyone else.

"When do you two plan to get married?" I ask Jasper.

I have to make some effort now to get along with him, my brother in law to be.

"Alice would choose later today in the backyard with an online registry office but I need to know I can be worthy of her so I am hoping maybe a year after college is through? Surely by then it will be clear how far I can come back from where I slipped to. I am trying and succeeding, Edward. What you said about me throwing away what we had, it cut very close to the bone. I want it back. I want to fix myself and fix us and be the best I can be for Alice."

He and I are not so different.

May Fate allow us the chance to prove ourselves and shine from this point onwards.

**A/N, Please review .........This _Night lyrics_ performed by _Black Lab_. ****...** The THIS _NIGHT LYRICS_ are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N Pity my neighbors, I played This Night by Black Lab about ten times in a row to get into Edward's head last chapter. I have edited the lyrics into it btw.I just had a really high temperature and a 24 hour delirium, I wish I had written down the weirdness that was in my brain during that! All my Edward's were out to play.**

Row 61 Seats A & B

Melt Down

BELLA'S POV

Edward has been in such a downer, he is killing my buzz and I want to slap him

"Oh Bella, I corrupted you." "Oh Bella, I pushed you into this."

Watching him sit around with his head in his hands is the last straw and that song, that he keeps playing on a loop, is driving me insane.

"Okay, Edward. Do you remember Lexie and Roxy from high school?"

"The Leather Girls?"

"Yes. The two girls who arrived at school every day in tight leather pants, ripped black Tshirts and leather jackets and changed into their uniforms at school, and changed out of them before they left at the end of the day."

"So?"

"My dream was for them to look and me and say 'Bella looks cool, we could dye her hair black and take her to get tattoo's like ours and she could come sit and smoke on random car bonnets while we wait for our boyfriends with Harley's to come collect us and take us the hell away for some FUN."

Visions of Harley Edward smoking while I rode him in the park try to distract me.

"Really?"

"Yeah, but that was never going to happen, was it? Bella Sweetie Swan had the regulation length skirt and kept her blouse buttoned to the throat and volunteered for committees and ran the 40 Hour Famine and did tutoring, and ran around for teachers who 'wouldn't know what they would do without me'.

And I hated it. Every minute of every day. Good girl, Bella. Nice,NICE girl Bella, Nice is like charming, it means dull as dishwater and boring as hell and let's get her to sell tickets to the charity dance, because Bella is too NICE to refuse. And she has no life anyway."

"That doesn't mean I could take advantage of your innocence like I did."

"Oh that's right, you gave me rohypnol so I was caught in that seat, didn't you?"

"What? No!"

"So, I had choices. When you asked me if I wanted you to keep going that first day, hell, when you first touched my thigh, I had choices to make. Let's see, what could poor innocent Bella do? I know, stand up and walk away. Scream. Yell out to the usher. Move seats and go find Mike and sit on his knee. Sit in the aisle. Leave the cinema."

"But you didn't."

"No, damn right I didn't. I stayed and I CAME BACK the next few weeks and I called a halt when I thought it was not what I wanted. Gee, I used my superpowers and your evil influence was no match for nice Bella Swan. Do you know something? If I could turn back time, I would still turn up in that cinema. I would still want to experience those sensations I had no idea I was capable of. If you hadn't happened, I would be working in the library now with my sensible clothes and nerd glasses.."

The look in his eyes sparked a thought. Edward is now thinking about Bella the Naughty Librarian!

"Edward, lets do a role play before we go home."

"What! What if Charlie catches us?"

"The chances are slim. He is either at work or fishing or plonked in front of the flat screen. So long as we avoid those places, he will never know."

"What do you want to do?"

"As I have told you, I don't do Naughty Schoolgirl because I couldn't relate and teachers having sex with students? No, just wrong. How about something simple? Girl hitchhiker that you pick up and fuck in the back seat of your car?"

The look on his face tells me it's a little too close to home. Edward had clearly fucked a lot of girls in the backseat of his first car.

"Or not. How about getting our tickets and going back to where it all began? So I can demonstrate how much I liked it?"

"Okay. I will go grab the tickets off Esme. And I will buy you something to wear to our little reunion."

"Edward, I have clothes."

He smirked and winked and I wondered what I had let myself in for.

While he was gone I baked cookies and lasagna and cut it up and froze single portions for Charlie after we left for college again.

I was looking forward to moving in with Edward and being on hand to curb his moods when they got dark and melancholy. No way was he forcing me back into Nice Bella. She is gone and only needs to come out on special occasions when necessary. Really necessary. Around parents and school boards and formal occasions. When I am with Edward, she is locked in the basement.

I had set the table for lunch by the time he got back and he winked and smiled and headed up to my bedroom with two bags in his hand. I hoped he hadn't got anything to risqué, we still have to visit this town.

He left again to go to Esme's and borrow Carlisle's Harley, having seen my look earlier and I pumped the air. Yes! Harley Edward.

After washing up and cleaning the kitchen, I raced up to see what costume would be on my bed. I was surprised at first. It was a knee length,plain denim cape with no front opening, no buttons, it just went straight over my head and had two slits for my hands.

Hardly sexy.

Then I realized, okay, access.

With me evidently naked under this, he would have the perfect cover to hide what he was doing from any observer.

The second bag was taped shut and had a note attached, written in Edward's beautiful script. "Bring. Don't open."

Clear enough.

The afternoon dragged slowly by as I waited for playtime to begin.

I showered and dried my hair and straightened it which took ages, I should think about getting it cut or layered, its getting ridiculously long. No makeup, nice Bella didn't wear make up, no jewelery. I slipped the cape over my head and checked the bus timetable. Time for a quick dinner with my Dad then off to the cinema.

Charlie was surprised Edward was not here but I simply said he needed to spend some time with his folks and he accepted that.

"I know he had some problems, Bella, but I judge a person on how they act now, not how they behaved in their past. You love him and he definetely loves you, I think you two can overcome anything."

I was a little worried, what problems did he mean? What did he know of Edward's past?

I wasn't game to ask but I knew the police computer could probably find out pretty much anything about a person and he surely had no idea when we first began about Edward's problems or he would have locked me in my room.

I quickly cleaned up the kitchen, kissed Charlie on the cheek and my bag and I caught the same bus I had those days back when the cinema was my favorite place to go.

Edward was already in his seat and he was looking ahead at the screen and ignored my arrival. I watched his face through the curtain of my hair and saw how he was battling to stop his lips from smiling, they were twitching with the effort to remain impassive. His eyes were bright with anticipation and his hands curled into impatient fists.

The second the lights went out his hand was on my thigh. I gasped and looked at him with a shocked expression, just like an innocent little virgin should.

He leaned in close to my ear.

"Don't speak. Nod if you want me to do this."

A shiver went down my spine at the raw huskiness of his voice.

I faced the front, tearing my eyes from his, and nodded mutely.

I felt his hand slide up inside my cape and trace the non existent elastic on the legs of my non existent panties.

My sex immediately become very damp and I wriggled, trying to get those long, very capable fingers to move in closer to where I wanted them.

He was chuckling quietly as he moved them tortuously slowly to between my legs.

"So very eager for a virgin" he whispered.

Yeah, well just fix that problem, handsome stranger.

He started to stroke my folds and finally slid a finger inside me and started to slowly pump it in and out, has palm rubbing my clit which was screaming for more.

My breathing was frantic and the soft touches were no where near enough.

"Dammit" he said and put the armrest up and lifted me straight onto his waiting erection.

"Sorry but you are too damn sexy for your own good."

He bucked his hips up and I pushed down and we finally had the full experience of fucking in Seat A Row 61.

He moved my body up and down his and I forgot where we were and probably who we were, my whole existence was the shaking of my walls as he hit that spot over and over and moaned in my ear. God dammit, this man owned me.

Owned my body, owned my soul, owned my heart.

"Oh God, I going to come" I whispered, wishing I could hold off longer but he had made it impossible. Sexy beast.

"Come for me, on me, I want to feel you come." he moaned and I did just that, pulsing and writhing and milking him as he gave in and came with me. It was perfect and now I could finish the series of cinema recollections with the perfect final chapter.

Edward's mouth was on mine and he was pushing his tongue inside and seeking mine, longing and tender, in a way he never had back then. He did give me that one sweet kiss, right here, I recalled. I liked to think of that kiss as my first.

His hands had migrated to my breasts and he stopped and lifted me off his body and placed me back in my seat. Then he disappeared under the cape and I felt wet, sloppy kisses on my breast as the other nipple was pulled and played with with those fingers. Edward's hands should be declared a lethal weapon. Those long slim fingers could reach so many places and excite so much in a girl.

Then he said those words he had never uttered in this cinema before,

"God, I love you so much, you saved me. I just fucking love you so much it hurts."

I knew what he meant,

I saved him from his life of debauchery and allowed myself to be everything he needed. He saved me from a life of mediocrity. Theres no doubt in my mind I would be married to Jake by now and waiting at the door with my hands covered in flour and fresh bread on the kitchen bench of our boring little house in this boring little town and he would chastely kiss my cheek and we would have boringly normal sex upstairs, only in our bed, anything else would be far too adventurous for us. It would be missionary position and probably over fairly fast and all neat and tidy. He would never take me to a park and fuck me with a cigarette in his mouth. He would never pound into me and make me feel like I was living an extraordinary life.I can even picture a couple of small, black haired children in that house and I shudder. The thought is repressed, I will bring it out for air sometime later. I can't go there yet.

It would have been safe and predictable and I would have been nice Bella until the day I died.

And my last thoughts would have been, gee, I always hoped for more than this.

Somehow I don't think those will be my last thoughts with Edward Cullen inventing new ways to satisfy our urges over the years.

The lights came on and I giggled as Edward escaped the cape and sat up, trying completely unsuccessfully to look innocent. Innocent was not on his agenda. He could not fake anything that well.

I left first, taking my mystery bag to the Ladies room and hiding in a stall to open it.

"Edward" I cried with love when I pulled out the tight black leather pants and jacket and the black artfully ripped Tshirt.

My high school dream.

I felt the tears course down my face. Was there nothing he wouldn't do for me?

I knew the answer to that. Edward would always make me happy. He would always fulfill my needs and desires, in and out of bed. I could never have the depth of feelings I have for him with anyone else and it would be foolish to image differently.

I quickly dressed and admired myself in the mirror above the sinks. Bella Swan was cool. Finally.

I tossed the cape into the bag in case we were keeping it to use again and ran to meet my Edward.

He was sitting astride his Harley, smoking in that ridiculously sexy way only he could.

"Hey, hot chick, want to come for a ride?"

"You bet" I replied and was behind him in a flash.

I grabbed his waist and held my body as close to his as I could manage.

The sparks were flying between us as we sped off into the night and I finally was the me I always wanted to be.

I wondered where we were headed, then he turned and I knew. LaPush beach. He stopped the bike and I jumped off and he grabbed me into his arms.

"I need to do this, Bella. I hope its okay."

I nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. Time to defeat an old dragon and lay some ghosts. He pulled me along the beach until we came to the little cave I had once lain in with Jasper.

We knelt in front of each other and he reached out and stroked my face.

"I think this was when I first knew." he said.

I smiled and thought how the whole Jasper crap had been worth it if it led to this moment.

I stood on shaky legs and he peeled the leather pants down and tossed them in the sand. Then he discarded his own.

I was too imaptient and pulled my own jacket and Tshirt off as he did the same.

We were standing there, in the cave, gazing at each other and everything was right with the world. He walked slowly forward, never breaking eye contact and took my hands and kissed them.

"I love you, Bella Swan. I am yours."

"I love you, Edward and you are mine as I am yours." I replied.

His arms moved to enclose me and pull me closer and I could hear his heartbeat.

Regular, steady. This was love.

We knelt and his hands reached for me and stroked my arms, my back, my belly.

I bit my lip and waited silently for him to work out what he needed to in his head.

His lips were suddenly upon me and I was flung on the sand and he was inside me, desperate to make this place ours.

I knew we would never come here again, it was just him reclaiming what was his. This was possession.

He pumped inside me aggressively and chanted "mine, always mine" as he worked out his demon and he shot inside me and collapsed in my arms and we lay together, panting and satisfied. The dragon had been slayed.

**A/N This chapters for webiegirl. She knows why.**

.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Revelations

EDWARD'S POV

In the weeks since we had returned to college, Bella had settled in well and we were finally a real couple. Our schedules allowed us plenty of time together and the days I had later classes, Bella tended to wander next door and spend time with Irina and Vicky. At first I panicked about what Irina may tell her but she never came home and kicked me to a bloody pulp so I had to assume Irina knew to keep her mouth shut. They would leave their door open and so Bella would see me when I got home and she would immediately jump up and come to me.

To say I was shocked by her outburst at Charlie's is a massive understatement. All those regrets and guilt were for nothing. I had simply filled a role in her life like she had in mine.

Our bedroom was now a real retreat and I love seeing her things scattered around, proof she is just as at home here as I am.

Many nights we make slow, tender, giving love and it is worship and connection rather than sex.I feel in the moment, that I will never need to feed the beast again because what we have is so perfect and fulfilling but sure enough, once a week or so I get home desperate and needy and ask Bella to throw on the maids dress and get dusting before I explode.

Some days she plays the quiet, submissive maid who innocently has no understanding of what is about to happen. Other times she is sexy and alluring and its only seconds before I have her bent over the back of the couch, dress flipped up over her back and I am inside her. Then there are the times she plays the loud, aggressive maid who would never keep her job and I have to hold her down as I pound inside her and she screams words of abuse and profanities and the sex is wild and hard and completely fucking, and she comes hard on me and I shoot inside her so forcefully I fear I will blackout.

It leaves us shaking and exhausted and keeps the beast satisfied for a few days. I didn't choose this addiction, it chose me. I curse it and hate it and wish I could be normal for her no matter how much she protests but I know vanilla sex will never be enough.I am not and never will be, a normal boyfriend.

Bella plans as many of our roles as I do and she prefers outdoor, public sex where we run the risk of being discovered. She is never discreet, she hitches her skirt and straddles me and makes as much noise as she wants so nobody within sight or hearing distance is ever going to wonder if we are or are not fucking. We have done it at the beach, in the parks, in alleys with me holding her against a wall, in clubs, in hallways, in an elevator though it was not all we hoped as the ride was over too fast. Sometimes I am the one who cracks and I put my mouth on hers to absorb her moans so hopefully that jogger or dog walker won't look our way.

I know her Achilies heel. The look that comes into her eyes and the way she narrows them slightly are the give away. She has a weakness for me smoking while fucking. I therefore keep it for special nights, and don't make it a regular thing. When she needs a lift in spirits or has a bad day, I simply play with my cigarette packet and roll it in my sleeve and she starts licking her lips and forgets what she was ranting about.

Then she goes to change into her ripped Tshirt and leather jacket and the tiny black leather skirt we found in an upmarket boutique one day. She was refusing to let me buy her anything and choking at the price tags and then she saw the skirt and handed it to me with a look of desperation in her eyes. She didn't even flinch when the sales assistant asked for $200 for it. I pushed my luck and asked about leather thigh high boots and she almost swooned and tried them on and left me in the store to pay.

We have definitely had our money out of that skirt.

As much as I love naked Bella, there is something so alluring about Bella the Leather Girl. Bella doesn't know it but those two girls were my challenges to resist at Forks High. Most of the girls held no interest for me but I would be lying if I said Lexie and Roxanne were not sex on legs.

And now I have my very own Leather Girl and she puts the other two in the shade. I would never have been able to resist her had those two invited her as she had hoped.

Our first ever domestic disagreement arose when she announced she had booked in at a salon to have her hair cut shorter. I love her hair, I love how long and perfect it is and I had to beg her not to go. I would mourn every inch taken away from my greedy hands. She relented and came home with a trim so minuscule as to be unnoticeable and I pulled her into a hug and thanked her. She is now the boss of my hair and my facial hair. It seems women need double compensation. I may not have a hair cut without her express permission and even then, she comes and stands guard to make sure no overeager stylist takes any more than she is willing to sacrifice.

The facial hair is linked to game night. If her scenario has me scruffy, she tells me a few days beforehand, "no shaving" and I stop until the night has come and gone. It would appear a scruffy chin is a turn on for when "Edward needs a good tongue lashing."

After all we have done, she still has a problem asking me to go down on her. I usually pick up her unease and suggest it myself and she always smiles gratefully and allows me to perform my request.

Yet she will offer me a blowjob whenever she thinks I am stressing and we don't have time for a full romp in our bedroom. We can never limit any other form of sex to ten minutes or less. One thing usually leads to another and leads to us being late for class, so I get the pleasure of those lips around me several times a week. Its a great wake up call of a morning.

Just when it seemed life was coasting along well and couldn't get any better,a storm cloud appeared on the horizon. Bella had an unexpected visit from her old high school friend Chelsea, complete with fat, dribbling baby of unknown gender on her hip. It freaks me out so badly I plea a prearranged study date with a mythical study buddy and flee before I see Bella fawn and be cute to this damp looking creature.

I almost felt reality physically slap me in the face.

Women love these things and long for their own and to me, its like being shown a cat. They are unattractive and needy and smell and make noises. They demand time and attention and are just not part of my life plan. And Bella and I have never had that particular talk.

I know I have to have it before the wedding because her parents divorce left her scarred and shattered and the scars still emerge now and then. I cannot lay this on her after she becomes mine in a legal sense but I really, really fear her reaction when I tell her I will never want one of those. The thought of being responsible for a person for eighteen years, keeping them safe, making them happy, maybe fucking them up completely with my inadequacies, no, and then there's the idea she would have someone grow inside her and be part of her and related to her and be closer to her than I am. My selfish part, which is a pretty large part of me, rejects the idea outright. And if even Bella can not change my thoughts on fatherhood, nobody can. I try though.

I bring it up with my therapist and ask him to show me how to change my thinking because I have to do this for her. I can't take away her right to be a mother and it would be a tragedy for those unborn babies to miss out on that loving and giving mother she would be and the consequences of me telling her it will never happen will be the end of us. I couldn't live without her now.

The thought of standing back and seeing her belly curve with some other man's child rips me to pieces. I would have to leave and get far away, maybe Italy. Somewhere that guarantees I will never see her again. But then the thought of never seeing her again is more than I can bear. I have to either resolve this issue and learn a way to fake enthusiasm at the idea of a child or maybe even two, how many women stop at one? "He needs a playmate." " We need a girl, too."

The whole idea makes me shudder and cringe and I have to go with alternative two. I have to tell her being with me, choosing me, means never having her maternal feelings fulfilled.

Before we made love for the first time, she confessed she had a contraceptive implant while we were still meeting up in the cinema, so her goal had actually mirrored mine. Then the whole Fuckwit thing intervened and pushed us apart. It will always be the worst and best thing. It woke me up out of my stupid denial that she meant anything to me and it shredded me emotionally. Not until she was back and mine did my heart even try to fix itself.

Those weeks with the gaping hole in my chest were torture.

Today is the only day I get home ahead of Bella so I fill the bath and relax and suck in the nicotine that will probably kill me one day. I hear the front door about twenty minutes later and she walks into the room, blatantly looking over every inch of my body and unconsciously licking her lower lip. Then she suggests maybe tonight's game should be Naughty Nurse bathing the poor helpless patient and getting him all spotless clean. After she gets him all dirty and desperate. She kneels beside the tub and places a hand on my chest and her eyes are darkening so I slap her ass and send her to get changed for her performance.

I need some credit in my account before the talk. Its Harley night, Bella's favorite.

I dress and leave without another word and jump on my bike. A beautiful, sexy Leather Girl is sitting on the curb up the street, smoking a cigarette and gazing into space.

I pull up beside her and offer her a ride.

She half smiles and hops on behind me and molds her little body to mine and the spark springs to life and connects us together, even when we are strangers.

As we roar off into the dark, my fears start to gnaw at my belly and I pray for the first time in my life. Please God, do not let me have her and then take her away. What type of God would do that? Allow a glimpse of Heaven then toss me into Hell instead.

By the time I have ridden around more streets than necessary, I pull over at a large park where a free outdoor concert of some local bands is being held tonight, followed by a fireworks display. She climbs off and I grab my picnic blanket stowed earlier and hold her hand and lead her to the back of the crowd and we snuggle under it. This will be a challenge. There are a lot of people here and no privacy other than our blanket.

Once the first band gets underway, I notice a wire mesh fence framed with metal struts to the side and top and wonder if that's the answer. The crowd is up on their feet, swaying and dancing to the music. Can we pull it off?

I stand and lead her to the fence and whisper for her to grab onto it and be ready. I stand behind her and wrap us in the blanket and unzip my pants . This will be the first tricky move. I need to get inside her without attracting attention therefore she has to not react as I enter her sweet tight pussy. I lean into her and whisper in her ear.

"Just relax, baby. Incoming. Ready?"

She nods and I ease her legs apart and slowly slide my tip inside her warm wetness. I grab her waist and we sway tightly together as I ease further inside. She has her eyes tightly closed and is biting her bottom lip but she doesn't make a sound. She is clinging to the top of the fence for dear life and bending forward slightly. Leather Chick is such a good girl. I push completely inside and we move our bodies to the music like so many others are and I can't help but grin. This is the most blatant and daring we have been, there are people beside us, behind us, I could reach out and touch the couple in front. My first instinct is it should be quick and over with then I reason, why? Nobody has detected anything. I can take my time. I ease inside and almost out and she pushes back each time and we establish a rhythm. It feels so fucking good and exciting and daring and I don't want it to end. I'm not game to light up a smoke in case I catch the blanket alight, that will have to wait. I nuzzle her neck and gently bite her earlobe and she growls quietly.

"Fingers" she whispers and I lower a hand to where she needs the extra stimulation and gently stroke her clit until she stiffens and bites her own hand. I can feel her whole body shuddering and it takes mine with her as she milks my juices out into her. Neither of us have made a sound and the crowd is cheering which is a little disconcerting until I realize the applause is for the band leaving the stage. I slip out of her and zip up and tug her skirt down and we stay where we are, swaying much the same as the new muso's show their stuff. I forget this is a game and I hug her close to me and whisper words of love into her ear. We just crossed the line between us and them. She is so warm and loving and meant to be.

I gently take the handkerchief out of my pocket and warn her I am about to clean her up and she sighs and spreads her legs a little as I wipe away the evidence. She is clearly turned on again by my strokes so I continue until I feel her come on my hand, and sigh in my ear. My beautiful Bella. My heart is bursting with love for her.

Suddenly, I decide, this is it. It has to happen, now is the time. I pull her away from the fence and back to the bike and she looks surprised but gets on behind me after I stow the blanket. We ride off until we are in a quiet area of the beach and I walk along the sand with her until we come to the ghostly skeleton of a sun and sea bleached tree.

"Bella, you know most of my secrets and all of my weaknesses but if we are getting married, we need to discuss our expectations of each other and the marriage."

"I want a small quiet wedding in three months time on my 21st birthday." she shocks me by saying.

I am taken aback and have to wait a little while I entertain the idea that we could be husband and wife before this Christmas. My face splits into a grin.

"Done." I answer. "But I mean the marriage, not the wedding."

"Okay, I expect you to be faithful, to communicate, to talk over any issues, not to allow me to go off in a sulk about anything serious, and to share your thoughts with me."

Okay, I guess she has given this a lot of thought.

"Do you want to ask me anything about my past? I so do not want to tell you details but there may be things you think are important to know first."

"Oh I think I have a pretty good idea of what went down," she answers with a giggle.

I frown and gaze into her eyes.

"Irina? Wine? Loose lips?" she clues me in.

Shit.

"Edward, I knew someone was your first. And that plenty of others followed and to be honest, nothing she told me shocked me a lot. Except you wanting to watch her and her girlfriend."

She swiped at me.

"That was a little pervy."

So, she is shocked more by what I didn't do than what I did do.

I can never predict how this woman is going to react to anything any more.

"So long as you swear those days and those girls are all in your past and you will never, ever cheat on me, that's all I ask. But you have to mean it and if you are tempted, you have to promise to come straight to me first and talk it over. That's the bottom line. You own my heart and you cannot destroy it."

"I swear. That will never happen."

"Edward, it probably will happen. You have an addiction. Some girl, some place, some time is going to turn you on and bring out Sexward and you have to stop and come to me instead."

"I swear I will. I am not out of control these days, Bella. I know you will always do whatever it takes to make me happy. Only you can now. I don't even consider meaningless sex any more. It can only be with you. Whichever version of you."

"Right, that's good. Then what else? I don't care where we live though I do like the idea of a cottage in the meadow one day."

I knew it. No fancy abode for Bella Cullen.

I roll the name around in my head. Isabella Marie Cullen. It sounds perfect.

Okay, Edward. man up. Bring up the deal breaker.

"Bella, how did you feel when your friend brought her baby to visit?"

She pales and I fear she knows where I am going.

"God, Edward. She fed it. In front of me. Bare boobs and that baby hanging off her. And then she made me hold it and it spat up on me and it was all I could do to not scream and run into the shower. I dare say you will want kids and I always assumed I wanted them but to be honest, I cannot do that for a very long time. Ten years?"

Oh thank God.

"Bella, I have to be honest. I may never want children. I will try and change and if it is the difference between you staying with me or leaving me, I will have them but I just don't even like children. I don't like the change in lifestyle, I don't want the responsibility. I just may never manage to change my attitude. By marrying me, you may be giving up all chances of motherhood."

"I think I can say in all honesty, so long as I have you that will be enough. I certainly don't see me wanting them for a very long time and if you decide you definitely still don't sometime in the future, I am fairly sure it is okay with me. But we have to agree to talk about any shift in our thinking without worrying what the other is thinking. So long as we can talk and compromise and consider how important any aspect of our lives are to the other, I am pretty sure we will be okay. Besides, your parents have Emmett and Alice, I am sure they will provide a gaggle of grandbabies. And I don't see Charlie caring if he never has a grandkid. He is not very paternal, you may have noticed. He did his best raising me but it was pretty limited. Anyway, this is about us. What we want or in this case, don't want."

Panic averted. Perfect. She is everything I will ever need or want. She was made for me and I will love her for eternity.

Now, we better alert Alice she has a wedding to plan.

We ride home and I am shocked to see Tanya and Kate standing at Irina's door, saying Goodnight.

"Eddie" God no. Not now.

"Hi Bella? I'm Kate, this is Tanya, my sister, you may have heard of us?"

Bella never misses a beat and walks up to them and swifty kisses each sister on their cheek.

"Girls, you did an awesome job breaking him in. Thanks." and she is in our apartment and I am left speechless in the hallway while three witches laugh at me.

**Please review.**


	25. Chapter 25

Row 61 Seats A & B

Selfish or Selfless?

Chapter 25

EDWARD'S POV

"Alice, I don't understand why you even care if Bella and I have kids or not. You and Jasper will make your own decision what suits you two and I will support your choice. It won't have that much impact on my life. But we don't wish to have children and I don't see the tragedy myself."

"It's selfish, Edward. We are meant to have children and you two choosing to just live your lives for yourselves, its just selfish. That's all."

"Why is is selfish? I don't get it. If we both longed for a child and were willing to devote our lives to raising that child the best we could, fine. But we don't want to do that. So, you are saying, we should do it anyway, so we aren't 'selfish'? Have a child to please others? To prove we can? To conform? Have a child we don't want? That's unselfish?"

"You would love it once it was born."

"And what if we didn't? What if we resented it and had to look after it out of obligation? Would you want to be that child? Knowing your parents really wished you had never been born?"

"It wouldn't be that way. Once its born..."

"And thats why there are no unwanted children in the world. No kids out on the streets, unloved with no home to go back to? No mother who puts her lifestyle ahead of her childs needs? No mothers who allow things to happen because they dont care enough to stop them? Of course it would never be that way with Bella but I don't buy your argument that its selfish to not have a child."

"You will change your mind. Once our baby is born.."

She pales and halts right there.

"Alice. tell me you are talking about a hypothetical child that may exist one day in the future."

"No, Edward. I am pregnant."

"And Jasper is happy about this?"

"Jasper loves me."

"Jasper also asked you for time to sort himself out. Talk about selfish, Alice. You are bringing a child into a relationship that is so flawed and unstable and has so little chance of lasting the distance. God, woman, never lecture me again on my selfish decisions."

"Jasper will love this baby once it is born."

"You hope. You are gambling with a persons life, Alice. Jasper has said so many times, he needs time to find himself and to sort things and you go and do this? You are making it far more likely he will turn and run. He can't even cope with the thought of getting married for years yet and you spring this on him? I hope you like single motherhood."

I cannot believe Alice has done this. There's no doubt in my mind, Jasper was not consulted. He would never agree to having a baby now. Maybe one day, when they are stable and back on track for a few years and he feels ready to go that extra step, that step you can never undo because once its taken, its done. Its not just you any more, it has to be all about the child.

"If the day ever comes where Bella and I really want a child, really want to devote our lives to someone else, really feel we have enough to offer, that's the day we will consider changing our minds. Not because Esme and Carlisle like grandbabies, not because society expects us to. Because we can't live without a baby of our own. Until then, you do what you think is best and right for you and leave us the hell alone."

I walk away and worry about my coming nephew or niece and how fucked up their life is already.

Bella picks up on my mood and we talk into the night about Alice and babies and expectations and come to the conclusion, it just isn't going to happen for us. Its not what we want, its not something you can give a trial run to and then get a refund when its not how you hoped.

I have no intention of doing anything permanent as you just don't know what the future holds, and Bella agrees, but the only baby in our world for many years at least will be the poor little soul Alice is hurrying into the world to fix the unfixable. I cannot see Jasper holding up to the strain and extra challenges Alice is forcing upon him. A baby is a lot of work and a lot of stress and on a relationship as fragile as theirs, it will rip them apart not push them together. How can you expect a baby to do a grown ups job? Its Alice's job to fix things, and Jasper's job to fix things, putting that onto a baby is beyond ridiculous. Alice has a duty to bring a child into a home thats ready for it.

But, you know, we are the selfish ones, not Alice.

x x x x x x x x x x x x

Alice is buzzing around, setting up her wedding to Jasper and we just forget about ours for the time being. There's so much going on. Jasper looks gray and drawn and the way his eyes flick towards the front door says so much. He wants out. He wants to run and he is staying for Alice even though this is not what he ever saw happening by trying to work things out with her. He is still at the baby steps stage and she is rushing full tilt into the stage they would never reach naturally for five years yet.

Alice is far too busy, she is scared to slow down and see reality. The talks about table settings and guests and music and dresses are her security blankets. What happens when this travesty of a wedding is over?

It is cheapening our wedding and I am pissed about that.

Damn sister.

Just when we get to a place we want to be, she hijacks the attention away from my Bella again.

"Edward. Let's just do it. Just you and me, in the meadow, with Rose and Emmett and your parents and mine and just have a small and meaningful ceremony and no fuss."

I don't know how to answer her.

Is she really wanting that sort of wedding or does she just feel as angry and annoyed as I do?

Should we wait a year? But then, there will be Alice's divorce drama no doubt.

I want my Bella to have exactly the wedding she wants.

Forget Alice, forget everyone else.

"I will do whatever you choose, my darling. But I want you to choose exactly what you would have had the whole Alice fiasco not happened. Ignore Alice, I do."

"Let's just announce my 21st birthday party will be in the meadow and have everyone there and then surprise them by getting married on the day."

"But you need the dress, love. I want that dress to hang in our bedroom for the next 35, 65, whatever years. You have to be a bride. Nothing can take that away."

"Thats fine. If nobody sees me before the party. Or I can slip away mid party and get changed."

Sounds like fun. A no fuss wedding.

No lead up, no planning, no headaches and arguments and it will have meaning for us, if nobody else.

We send out invitations to Bella's 21st birthday party and everyone is coming. We do nothing to arouse suspicion and the party is in full swing when Bella slips away and I feel my stomach clench in anticipation.

Charlie is in fine form, a little mellow but I have kept him on lite beer and stayed by his side because he won't want to miss this.

I see a vision walking towards us through the trees and I pull Charlie along with me, then I collect Rose and Emmett along the way. Rose squeals in a most un Roselike manner when I tell her whats about to happen and she runs to Bella. Emmett and I make our way to the center of the meadow and stand side by side. The marriage celebrant steps in front of us and I put on my tie and hand one to Emmett and he grins and thumps my back.

"You sneaky bastard. Way to avoid a bucks party. I should have known."

The crowd has detected whats happening and Esme is crying and they part as Bella and Rose walk towards us. Rose leads the way and is scattering rose petals in her wake. Bella is on Charlie's arm and she is beaming at me. Her dress is white chantilly lace scalloped at the top of the bodice,strapless and A line and simple. The train trails behind her, also scalloped with dainty roses hidden in the lace. She looks like an angel. Her arms are uncovered and her hair is laying naturally, just a few sprigs of tiny white flowers dotted here and there. Breathtaking and perfect, a vision of beauty.

Charlie hands her to me and I smile my sincere thanks because he has given me the most divine gift. His daughter.

Bella gazes into my eyes and we are lost for a moment. Its just us here, in our meadow.

The celebrant sighs and smiles at us.

"Oh, to be in love like you two. What I wouldn't give for that." she says quietly.

We are lucky.

Lucky we found each other, lucky we knew what we found, lucky we overcame the obstacles that would have left many floundering by the roadside.

"Do you take this woman.."

I do.

"Do you take this man.."

She does.

We are one.

We always were but now its official.

We smile at each other and I pull her towards me for the first time as my wife and I kiss her like its our first and last kiss and it leaves us connected forever.

Its beautiful and meaningful and people are shocked but I don't know why. This is us, Edward and Bella. We don't do conventional.

Rose and Emmett are teary and I suspect it won't be long before there is yet another new Mrs Cullen in the family, but for now, its Bella's day and she shines with joy and I cannot leave her side ever again.

The party goes on long into the night and Bella and I slip away and lie on the grass and look at the stars that have lined up to welcome us to married life.

"Perfect" whispers my wife.

"You are perfect. You put these stars to shame" I murmur. Its the truth.

The sky would just be a large expanse of empty black without the stars and my life would be the same dark expanse without Bella.

We kiss and cuddle and whisper to each other until we have to go back and thank people and say goodbye and she and I climb into our hotel bed and she is in my arms forever now.

Our lovemaking is low key and gentle and goes on for a very long time, but its perfect.

Morning comes and we face the new realty of us together.

I have an architect visiting the meadow, the cottage has been drawn up, the plans have been passed and registered, building will soon begin.

We cant live there fulltime maybe for years but I want that cottage there for us. We need a place to call home. My apartment will do for a while but we need a personal place thats just ours.

My parents want us there for lunch and Charlie is there too so we have a post wedding dinner party and they ply us with wedding gifts and Rose and Emmett thank us for asking them to be part of the celebrations.

Alice is absent. Jasper has gone away for a while, home to Texas, to try and sort his head out. He doesn't want to be rushed into marriage and the baby thing has spooked the shit out of him. What a surprise. His mom has been her usual negative self and predicted he won't cut it, won't be able to last the distance. He really needs to get her out of his life. Sometimes, its the only way. His garndmother has always been there for Jasper as he grew up so he has returned to her house for a while, to see what he can salvage out of the mess Alice and he created.

Bella and I walk through the meadow after lunch and the wildflowers are out and we lie together amongst them and absorb their beauty and calmness.

I have to make love to her again, here now.

I love her more than life and she breathes life into me and I feel at last, worthy of her love.

She chose me and I love her and trust her choice. She would not be with me if I were not worthy. She has made me whole and a better person and she will be my first priority forever now.

She takes her clothes off as I strip quickly, anxious to be inside her, anxious for that unique connection. I feel it all the time but when I am making love to her, we truly are just one soul.

She is in my arms and on my lips and I move inside her and life is perfect.

Its worth the search, its worth the heartache on the journey, its worth the doubts and uncertainties, because the end prize is priceless and irreplaceable.

Never give up.

The End

**A/N I meant to say, thanks for reading, thanks for the many undeserved reviews, a sequel? I dont know, maybe if I think theres enough to explore. I want Alice and jasper to work things out just couldn't see how. I will miss this pair, and I will miss all the messages and conversations I have had with my readers throughout this tale. You all rock and you made this story go on this long, I was thinking my usual 14 chapters. You have all been great and I loved your reviews and suggestions. Cheers,Lynzi...put me on author alert so you will know if I do a sequel. I really will think about it.**


End file.
